You can't make this stuff up!

[CathyCA]

Jon went with a group of United Methodist Men from our church to Camp Don Lee yesterday to help with some storm-related repairs. Jon had not planned to spend the night since our vacation begins tomorrow. But all of the other guys brought their suitcases, so when they arrived, they put them in the camp cabin where they were staying, and they went to work repairing camp benches down by the Neuse River.

When the group stopped working at the end of the day, one of the guys discovered that their suitcases were nowhere to be found. They did some checking with the folks at Camp Don Lee, and after making a few telephone calls, they discovered that a charter bus driver had loaded all of their bags into his bus's storage bay and taken them back to Mary Scroggs Elementary School in Chapel Hill--along with all of the kids who had been at Science Camp at Camp Don Lee.

What kind of bus driver thinks that men's luggage looks like it belongs to elementary school kids? He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, was he?

[lawgrad91]

Jon went with a group of United Methodist Men from our church to Camp Don Lee yesterday to help with some storm-related repairs. Jon had not planned to spend the night since our vacation begins tomorrow. But all of the other guys brought their suitcases, so when they arrived, they put them in the camp cabin where they were staying, and they went to work repairing camp benches down by the Neuse River.

When the group stopped working at the end of the day, one of the guys discovered that their suitcases were nowhere to be found. They did some checking with the folks at Camp Don Lee, and after making a few telephone calls, they discovered that a charter bus driver had loaded all of their bags into his bus's storage bay and taken them back to Mary Scroggs Elementary School in Chapel Hill--along with all of the kids who had been at Science Camp at Camp Don Lee.

What kind of bus driver thinks that men's luggage looks like it belongs to elementary school kids? He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, was he?

Oh brother.

[lawgrad91]

Preliminary hearing this morning on a destruction of property case. Woman is defendant; her husband left her on "the 31st of November" (his words), and has taken up with a new girlfriend who will give him shade in the summer and heat in the winter. Defendant follows them to their place of work. There's a fight between defendant, her mama, estranged husband and new girlfriend. Eventually EH and NG go into the place of employment. Defendant grabs a small baseball bat out of her Lincoln and takes some A-Rod type swings at the vehicle EH and NG were in (a vehicle owned by Enterprise Rent-a-Car). A friend of NG's videos the entire sequence on her phone and emails it to NG, who brings her phone to court with her, and also goes to Walgreens and prints all the videos from her phone, not just the 4 from her friend.

So I'm questioning NG this morning while I'm putting the DVD in the laptop to play the videos for the court. Turns out, there are 16 videos on the DVD.

I click on a random video. It's a can of Great Value Green Beans.

I click on another random video. It's the new girlfriend, wearing her birthday suit and prominently displaying an extremely large boob.

I lose it entirely. Defense counsel asks me if I'm okay, and then if I'm contagious. I'm crying and blowing snot bubbles.

We end up watching the videos off the phone.

UPDATE: for those of you who believe the phrase, "a grand jury would indict a ham sandwich," it isn't necessarily true. Yesterday the Varnish County grand jury did not indict this case.

[lawgrad91]

A man showed up at the General District Court Clerk's Office this morning and paid his $121 fine in pennies.

The clerks were NOT happy.

[CathyCA]

A man showed up at the General District Court Clerk's Office this morning and paid his $121 fine in pennies.

The clerks were NOT happy.

Giggles.

I suppose there are signs saying, "Cash only," and he obeyed the letter of the law, if not the spirit of it.

[lawgrad91]

A man showed up at the General District Court Clerk's Office this morning and paid his $121 fine in pennies.

The clerks were NOT happy.

Giggles.

I suppose there are signs saying, "Cash only," and he obeyed the letter of the law, if not the spirit of it.

They do take credit and debit cards, and I guess they still take checks.

I once had a client charged with writing a bad check. The Judge took pity on her (she was extremely pregnant at the time) and told her he would dismiss the case if she paid the costs.

She promptly wrote a check for the costs. It bounced.

[lawgrad91]

Well, there's a defense I hadn't heard before. "I saw the school zone lights flashing in the left lane but I couldn't see the ones in the right lane because there was a truck in the way."

Um, if you saw the ones in the left lane, why did you continue to go 57 in the 25?

[lawgrad91]

A man charged with failing to display a front license plate (which you have to have in Virginia) just showed up carrying the tag in his hand. Most people take a picture of the tag on the front of the car, and bring the picture in. I guess he wanted us all to feel special. Judge asked him why it wasn't on his car. He said, "because it's in my hand."

[lawgrad91]

Today’s Circuit Court haircolors are teal and dyed white with a deep purple streak.

[lawgrad91]

Today’s traffic court fashion tip: If one has been convicted of driving under the influence, and fails to take the ASAP class, one should probably not wear a Wicked Weed Brewing t-shirt to court.

[ArkieDukie]

I think you should write a book.

[lawgrad91]

Old Elvis showed up in court this morning. Charged with being drunk in public. Apparently he showed up, unknown and uninvited, at a wedding and was sufficiently un-entertaining to have the police called.

When his name was called, he limped up to the bench using a cane. When he walked back to get his jacket (and bear in mind, it’s already in the 80’s here today) he was moving a lot faster. When he went to the Clerk’s Office to pay his fine, he wasn’t using his cane at all.

[lawgrad91]

Two things: a person who wants to argue his ticket ought to wear a long sleeved shirt and cover up his Yosemite Sam tattoo on his arm. Secondly, same person ought to ZIP UP HIS FLY before he stands up and argues his ticket.

[lawgrad91]

Doe Run is a very nice lodge on the western edge of Patrick County/eastern edge of Carroll County.

I do hope the seafood menu has SCALLOPS, and not the SCALPS printed there....

[CathyCA]

This happened in Lawgrad's neighboring prosecutorial district:

https://www.cbs17.com/news/south/virgin ... at-church/

(I was so hoping that it had happened in her Varnish Zone. ;) )

[IowaDevil]

You guys all make me giggle and spit coffee on my computer screen! Have no clue how any of you keep a straight face in court! Is your book at the publisher yet??? Thanks for the giggles!

[lawgrad91]

This happened in Lawgrad's neighboring prosecutorial district:

https://www.cbs17.com/news/south/virgin ... at-church/

(I was so hoping that it had happened in her Varnish Zone. ;) )

We would have moved it next door if it had happened here!

[lawgrad91]

Traffic court this morning, the day after the Martinsville race, which means the nuts are making an appearance.

Woman who was here for counsel hearing had on a hoodie with a marijuana plant and the caption “Welcome to High Society. Like it or not God made pot.”

I was hoping she was here for a marijuana charge, but she was here for a driving on a suspended license. She told the judge that she worked delivering food for DoorDash.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Traffic court this morning, the day after the Martinsville race, which means the nuts are making an appearance.

Woman who was here for counsel hearing had on a hoodie with a marijuana plant and the caption “Welcome to High Society. Like it or not God made pot.”

I was hoping she was here for a marijuana charge, but she was here for a driving on a suspended license. She told the judge that she worked delivering food for DoorDash.

Well, all her friends get the munchies!

[lawgrad91]

Traffic court this morning, the day after the Martinsville race, which means the nuts are making an appearance.

Woman who was here for counsel hearing had on a hoodie with a marijuana plant and the caption “Welcome to High Society. Like it or not God made pot.”

I was hoping she was here for a marijuana charge, but she was here for a driving on a suspended license. She told the judge that she worked delivering food for DoorDash.

Well, all her friends get the munchies!

Ooh, good point! A targeted opportunity!