If.......

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » January 31st, 2011, 2:14 pm

If a woman was married to a guy named Richard, and he came home from a hard day's work smelling a bit foul, would it be appropriate to tell the woman, "Your Dick stinks?"

Sorry, just in a mood.

-EarlJam

OZZIE4DUKE · Post by **OZZIE4DUKE** » January 31st, 2011, 2:20 pm

Only if he did.........

Wait a minute, wouldn't it be the woman, the wife, who would notice this first and tell her husband that "you stink", or "your dick stinks", or .....

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » January 31st, 2011, 2:23 pm

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Only if he did.........

Wait a minute, wouldn't it be the woman, the wife, who would notice this first and tell her husband that "you stink", or "your dick stinks", or .....

Maybe she would just say, "Dick Stinks!"

-EarlJam

Jesus_hurley · Post by **Jesus_hurley** » February 1st, 2011, 3:36 pm

If Dick lends a shirt or jacket to a friend, would it be OK to tell the friend that he smelled like Dick?

Post by **wilson** » February 1st, 2011, 3:48 pm

Jesus_hurley wrote:If Dick lends a shirt or jacket to a friend, would it be OK to tell the friend that he smelled like Dick?

...or that, while wearing the borrowed shirt, he looks like smelly Dick?

Ima Facultiwyfe · Post by **Ima Facultiwyfe** » February 1st, 2011, 4:56 pm

Whew.

Glad this ol' gal ain't a mod right now. Which reminds me, how ya doin' with that "banned everywhere" goal of yours, EJ? We haven't seen any results and Merry Land is coming up.
Love, Ima

captmojo · Post by **captmojo** » February 1st, 2011, 8:34 pm

My favorite 'word' problem from back in school...

If Snow White flushed six of the seven dwarves down the toilet...

....how loud can Santa Claus fart, in July?

CathyCA · Post by **CathyCA** » February 1st, 2011, 10:22 pm

captmojo wrote:My favorite 'word' problem from back in school...

If Snow White flushed six of the seven dwarves down the toilet...

....how loud can Santa Claus fart, in July?

Okay. I'll admit it. I don't get it.

Ima Facultiwyfe · Post by **Ima Facultiwyfe** » February 1st, 2011, 10:30 pm

Makes as much sense as any word problem I ever saw.

Love, Ima

indoor66 · Post by **indoor66** » February 2nd, 2011, 7:33 am

Open the door, Richard. Don't close the door on me dick,

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 10:19 am

Ima Facultiwyfe wrote:Whew. Glad this ol' gal ain't a mod right now. Which reminds me, how ya doin' with that "banned everywhere" goal of yours, EJ? We haven't seen any results and Merry Land is coming up.
Love, Ima

Yes, this quest launches tonight. I hope. Unless Duke lays an egg and I pass out in the recliner.

-EJ

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 1:19 pm

Jesus_hurley wrote:If Dick lends a shirt or jacket to a friend, would it be OK to tell the friend that he smelled like Dick?

Yes. Also, if Dick's friend was talking to Dick's wife, and wanted to buy him a shirt for his birthday, he or she might say, "How big is your Dick?"

-EarlJam

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 1:31 pm

Or, if like, Richard had gained 100 pounds over the last eight months, and one of the neighbor's got mildly offended at something Richard (or his wife Susan) had said, and wanted to kind of make fun of him out of her own hurt and pain, and was gossiping to her good friend Tess, she could say, "Can you believe the size of Susan's big, fat Dick?"

-EarlJam

Post by **wilson** » February 2nd, 2011, 2:29 pm

EarlJam wrote:...she could say, "Can you believe the size of Susan's big, fat Dick?"

-EarlJam

Yeah, her Dick has really let himself go.

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 2:36 pm

Or, if say, Richard's son, Richard Jr., went to a school where they arranged homerooms alphabetically by first name, and all 20 students were named Richard, the teacher could look out upon them all on day one and say (accurately): "You guys are a bunch of Dicks!"

-EJ

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 2:37 pm

wilson wrote:
EarlJam wrote:...she could say, "Can you believe the size of Susan's big, fat Dick?"

-EarlJam
Yeah, her Dick has really let himself go.

-EarlJam

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 2:52 pm

Matilda's husband Vern works at Dandy Danny's Donuts as an icing topper. Susan's husband Richard just became CEO of Krispy Kreme Donuts. Vern drives a 1993 Geo. Richard drives a 2010 Mercedes. Vern hates Richard for this. Yes, that's right. Vern has........."Dick Envy."

-EarlJam

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 3:04 pm

Larry was a leech (yes, an actual leech).

Larry went to Susan and Richard's house one day. Richard had been a target of his for years now. Today, he finally got his chance.

Larry jumped upon Richard and began doing what real (biologically speaking) leeches are best known for.

After a long day, Larry returns home to his wife Linda. Linda noticed Larry was behaving a bit odd.....somewhat coy.

Said Linda, "What did you do today honey?"

Larry, who knew his lying face would instantly betray him, sheepishly looked up at his beloved wife Linda and opted to tell the truth."

He replied, "Well. I finally did it. I................"

-EarlJam

Post by **wilson** » February 2nd, 2011, 5:30 pm

Richard hurt his leg the other day, but he refuses to have it examined by a doctor. Finally, his boss called his house, concerned about his injury. "Could you please do something about your limp, Dick? It's really diminishing your performance."
Susan, knowing how stubborn Richard can be, stayed on the line while he spoke to his boss, to listen in on what the boss had to say. When Richard predictably responded with apprehension to the suggestion that he see a doctor, she just smiled wistfully, shook her head, and said, "That's my Dick. Always SO hard-headed."

EarlJam · Post by **EarlJam** » February 2nd, 2011, 5:36 pm

wilson wrote:Richard hurt his leg the other day, but he refuses to have it examined by a doctor. Finally, his boss called his house, concerned about his injury. "Could you please do something about your limp, Dick? It's really diminishing your performance."
Susan, knowing how stubborn Richard can be, stayed on the line while he spoke to his boss, to listen in on what the boss had to say. When Richard predictably responded with apprehension to the suggestion that he see a doctor, she just smiled wistfully, shook her head, and said, "That's my Dick. Always SO hard-headed."

OUT-FUGGIN'-STANDING.

-EarlJam

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