Jokes

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Please Pray for Leroy

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over,
please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on
top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a
"blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great
enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."


As an aside, this sounds like some of LG's "clients"...

[lawgrad91]

Please Pray for Leroy

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over,
please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on
top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a
"blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great
enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."


As an aside, this sounds like some of LG's "clients"...

I think I've prosecuted Leroy!

[Jesus_hurley]

[lawgrad91]

xbox_roy.jpg

I love this!

[Jesus_hurley]

[CameronBornAndBred]

sidneys.jpg

[Jesus_hurley]

While this isn't exactly a joke, it's pretty amusing...

[CameronBornAndBred]

While this isn't exactly a joke, it's pretty amusing...

Don't ever piss off a lady with a gun.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

While this isn't exactly a joke, it's pretty amusing...

I can't believe that she didn't turn around instinctively and shoot him. He's very lucky. He was almost a candidate for next year's Darwin Award.

[Jesus_hurley]

While this isn't exactly a joke, it's pretty amusing...

I can't believe that she didn't turn around instinctively and shoot him. He's very lucky. He was almost a candidate for next year's Darwin Award.

When I first played it I thought she was going to wing him or something - which probably would have been funnier . Second time through it almost seems like the safety is on - seems like she was messing with the trigger at one point.

[Jesus_hurley]

One more for today....

This was a picture on the Duke Scout site making fun of 'Ol Roy's tan...

oompaloompa_roy.jpg (75.89 KiB) Viewed 482 times

[CathyCA]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender looks at him and says, "You know, we have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies, "You got a drink named Stanley?"

[devildeac]

A 90 year old man who is finely dressed in a suit and tie, new shoes and a fancy cane walks into a bar, sits down and orders a martini. Shortly after that, an pretty senior lady walks in, sits down next to him and orders a cocktail also. She is attractively dressed in a tea length dress, high heels and a fancy hat. The gentleman turns around to her after sitting there a moment and says to her, "hey gorgeous, I have a question for you. Do I come here often?"

[CameronBornAndBred]

** FAMOUS LAST WORDS **

* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
* Hold my beer and watch this.

[captmojo]

** FAMOUS LAST WORDS **

* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
* Hold my beer and watch this.

Good list! I'm most representative of the last two examples.

[devildeac]

An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.

Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"

[CameronBornAndBred]

She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"

[captmojo]

An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.

Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"

Was he still wearing his pajamas?

[devildeac]

An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.

Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"

Was he still wearing his pajamas?

I think he forgot to put on any clothes.

[DukieInKansas]

An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.

Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"

Was he still wearing his pajamas?

I think he forgot to put on any clothes.

Does that mean she wanted her salad bare? You know, sans dressing?