Jokes

[captmojo]

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Agreed. You have paid me back for making you laugh out loud.
The First Mate broke her sternum in a car accident, several years ago. She will have a special place for this joke.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

The above laughs are for the joke that CaptMojo will post tonight but told to me while sitting at Sami's during lunch today! Boy that steak and cheese was good! Ymm!

[captmojo]

Twice upon a time.....
Statues of a nude man and woman had stood on pedestals in the park for more than 100 years in a glowing, loving expression toward each other. One day their fairy Godmother (we'll call her Cindy Gambino) came down from the heavens to offer them reward for their long service here on Earth. When she asked for their wish for granting, she was repied to that they both wished to become real humans, just like what happened to the storybook's Pinocchio. With one wave of her wand...wish granted.

They jumped down to the ground and with arms locked, they very happily skipped off toward, and disappeared into, the nearby bushes. These bushes began violently shaking with leaves flying about the air. The sound of childlike giggling and laughter emitted into the air also. this went on for about 15 minutes, then it got quiet.

The two new humans came out of the bushes the same way they went in. Arm in arm, both naked and raring to go, they returned with a skipping gait over to the shade of a large park tree where they both sat, out of breath. Just a moment later, the male sat up and asked, "Was it good for you?" She replied, "Yes. I have been waiting nearly 99 years to do that." He came back with,"Let's go do it again!" Her answer,"Sure! But let's do it differently this time." He says,"How so?"






























She says, "This time, YOU hold the pigeons and let ME shit on them!"

[CathyCA]

Twice upon a time.....
Statues of a nude man and woman had stood on pedestals in the park for more than 100 years in a glowing, loving expression toward each other. One day their fairy Godmother (we'll call her Cindy Gambino) came down from the heavens to offer them reward for their long service here on Earth. When she asked for their wish for granting, she was repied to that they both wished to become real humans, just like what happened to the storybook's Pinocchio. With one wave of her wand...wish granted.

They jumped down to the ground and with arms locked, they very happily skipped off toward, and disappeared into, the nearby bushes. These bushes began violently shaking with leaves flying about the air. The sound of childlike giggling and laughter emitted into the air also. this went on for about 15 minutes, then it got quiet.

The two new humans came out of the bushes the same way they went in. Arm in arm, both naked and raring to go, they returned with a skipping gait over to the shade of a large park tree where they both sat, out of breath. Just a moment later, the male sat up and asked, "Was it good for you?" She replied, "Yes. I have been waiting nearly 99 years to do that." He came back with,"Let's go do it again!" Her answer,"Sure! But let's do it differently this time." He says,"How so?"






























She says, "This time, YOU hold the pigeons and let ME shit on them!"

[CathyCA]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. The egg rolls over, lights up a cigarette, and says, "Well, that answers that question."

[CameronBornAndBred]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. The egg rolls over, lights up a cigarette, and says, "Well, that answers that question."

[captmojo]

Way out in the country, little Jimmy lived with his parents, two brothers and two sisters. One summer day, being out of school with nothing to do, Jimmy and his sibs went out 'goofin' around, generally getting into mischief. Out in the woods, they came across the 'Johnny house'. They circled it and decided to see if it would rock. Yes! It would. They got it rocking back and forth until it tipped over and tumbled down a hill to the bottom. Next, they took off running and yelling, not to be found for the rest of the day.

That night at the dinner table, after Grace, before anyone got a mouthful, Father looked at little Jimmy, the eldest, and declared that someone overturned the neighbor's outhouse that very morning and he wanted to know if Jimmy knew anything about it.
Jimmy thought for a moment then said, "Daddy, George Washington didn't get in trouble when he admitted to chopping down the cherry tree...so, yes. I cannot tell a lie. I turned over that outhouse."

Daddy stood up and replied, "Jimmy, let me tell you the difference between you and George Washington."


















































"George Washington's father wasn't sitting on a limb, up in that cherry tree when he chopped it down!"

[CameronBornAndBred]

"George Washington's father wasn't sitting on a limb, up in that cherry tree when he chopped it down!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Miles]

In an effort to inspire his young son who did not want to go to school, his father told him that when President Abraham Lincoln was his age he used to walk miles for the privilege of going to school. The young boy thought for a moment and responded, "Yes, but when he was your age he was President of the United States."

[DukieInKansas]

What animal do you find in a bakery?






































A Piethon!

[colchar]

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Agreed. You have paid me back for making you laugh out loud.
The First Mate broke her sternum in a car accident, several years ago. She will have a special place for this joke.

I used to be able to crack my sternum at will. All I had to do was lean back a little and push out my chest a tiny bit and it would pop loud enough to be heard across the room.

[devildeac]

Agreed. You have paid me back for making you laugh out loud.
The First Mate broke her sternum in a car accident, several years ago. She will have a special place for this joke.

I used to be able to crack my sternum at will. All I had to do was lean back a little and push out my chest a tiny bit and it would pop loud enough to be heard across the room.

Let us know when you are able to crack your scrotum.

[CathyCA]

Agreed. You have paid me back for making you laugh out loud.
The First Mate broke her sternum in a car accident, several years ago. She will have a special place for this joke.

I used to be able to crack my sternum at will. All I had to do was lean back a little and push out my chest a tiny bit and it would pop loud enough to be heard across the room.

Let us know when you are able to crack your scrotum.

[lawgrad91]

I used to be able to crack my sternum at will. All I had to do was lean back a little and push out my chest a tiny bit and it would pop loud enough to be heard across the room.

Let us know when you are able to crack your scrotum.

I expect if you crack your scrotum, we will all hear your scream, no matter where we are....

[captmojo]

If I could make my scrotum crack, I'd walk down the street cracking at everybody I see.

[captmojo]

Legislatures everywhere, are trying to come up with ways to stop the social demoralization of the use of scrotum crack. Users should really be forewarned that smoking scrotum crack can make you have square babies. If you, or any of your family members, are using scrotum crack...seek help now. Get stopped. Many have found relief by viewing the motion picture...Scrotum Madness.

[devildeac]

This last sequence is as funny as some of the jokes on this thread .

[Very Duke Blue]

Fun reads.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

For those few of you who didn't get this in a Brunchgate emailing this morning (no Brunchgate news, just this link)

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/75051/detail/

[lawgrad91]

For those few of you who didn't get this in a Brunchgate emailing this morning (no Brunchgate news, just this link)

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/75051/detail/

Thanks, Ozzie, this was cool....