Jokes

[Very Duke Blue]

OK, waiting for the next joke.

[Rolvix]

The last one was hilarious!

[devildeac]

"Fill it with cement."

And by the way, excellently told!

I've always heard that joke with "fill it with water", but cement will do nicely!

I have heard it both ways.

[devildeac]

Today's offering:

The Chinaman

A young man walking through New York’s Chinatown notices a shop with the name Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. He thought it seemed out of place but curiosity got the best of him and he walked into the shop. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in the corner.

He asked this old man, “How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?”

Old Man – “That's the name of the owner.”

Young Man – “Who's the owner?”

Old Man – “I am.”

Young Man – “How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”

Old Man – “Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was standing in line at Immigration. A man in front of me was one big strapping blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He say, ‘Hans Olaffsen.’ Lady ask me, ‘What is your name?’ I say, ‘Sam Ting.’”

I mighta found that funnier if the 415 PM announcement had been a favorable one...

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

I have an old joke to which I remember the punch line........but alas, I can't remember the joke itself!!! Sheesh! I'm REALLY getting old! Anyhoo, here's the punch line.....do any of you know the joke? Or better yet, can you make one up??

"Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed yer two shoes?"

Love, Ima

[DevilAlumna]

Roy Rogers comes in from a hard day's work on the ranch.
His boots are all muddy, he's too tuckered out to clean them, and he doesn't want to incur Dale's wrath, so he leaves them on the porch.

The next morning he goes out to clean them and finds them ripped to shreds.

"Dang, Gabby. Those were almost brand new Luchesse ostrich and iguana boots. Wonder what happened to them?"

"Wal, Roy, there's been a ol' mountain lion a-spookin' the horses the last coupla nights. Coulda been him."

Roy saddles Trigger, puts his trusty Winchester in the scabbard, and rides off.

Several hours later he comes riding back in.
There is a large dead mountain lion slung over his saddle horn.
And Gabby sez,
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"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

[cl15876]

Today's offering:

The Chinaman

A young man walking through New York’s Chinatown notices a shop with the name Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. He thought it seemed out of place but curiosity got the best of him and he walked into the shop. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in the corner.

He asked this old man, “How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?”

Old Man – “That's the name of the owner.”

Young Man – “Who's the owner?”

Old Man – “I am.”

Young Man – “How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”

Old Man – “Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was standing in line at Immigration. A man in front of me was one big strapping blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He say, ‘Hans Olaffsen.’ Lady ask me, ‘What is your name?’ I say, ‘Sam Ting.’”

I mighta found that funnier if the 415 PM announcement had been a favorable one...

[CameronBornAndBred]

"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

I don't get it...

[OZZIE4DUKE]

"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

I don't get it...

Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga choo choo? http://popup.lala.com/popup/576742236829848475

[devildeac]

"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

I don't get it...

Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga choo choo? http://popup.lala.com/popup/576742236829848475

I'm not sure but the face rings a bell... :roll:

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

I don't get it...

Our generation gap is showing. Love, Ima

[August West]

Maybe this will perk folks up after a weekend of mostly bad news.

A middle-aged man and woman met, fell in love and got married.
On their wedding night they settled into the bridal suite and the
wife said to her new husband, "Please promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."

"But how can that be?" the startled husband said. "You've been married three times before."

"Well," she explained, "my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he
ever wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist,
and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. And my third husband was a
stamp collector, and all he wanted to do was---God, I miss him!"


AW.

[CameronBornAndBred]

And my third husband was a
stamp collector, and all he wanted to do was---God, I miss him!"

[CathyCA]

And my third husband was a
stamp collector, and all he wanted to do was---God, I miss him!"

A philatelist.

We could have some fun with onomatopoeia here. Where is Shamm?

[OZZIE4DUKE]

DD needs to post the joke he told at the basketball game today... just sayin'

[Very Duke Blue]

DD needs to post the joke he told at the basketball game today... just sayin'

Waiting for DDs joke.

[devildeac]

DD needs to post the joke he told at the basketball game today... just sayin'

Waiting for DDs joke.

This afternoon or this evening.

[Very Duke Blue]

Maybe this will perk folks up after a weekend of mostly bad news.

A middle-aged man and woman met, fell in love and got married.
On their wedding night they settled into the bridal suite and the
wife said to her new husband, "Please promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."

"But how can that be?" the startled husband said. "You've been married three times before."

"Well," she explained, "my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he
ever wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist,
and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. And my third husband was a
stamp collector, and all he wanted to do was---God, I miss him!"


AW.

[DukieInKansas]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?' his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied.

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OOOOH! You're not goint to like me for this -

but it will make your day!

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'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

[cl15876]

Very CUTE!!!!!