What would you have done?

devildeac · Post by **devildeac** » November 9th, 2009, 9:31 am

After the Duke-unc game, we spent over an hour traveling from the dump to the Nantucket Grill to meet with a group for dinner, arriving about 75 minutes late. (Don't get me started about why we agreed to this. Some things you just agree to do after 31 years of marriage.) Upon our arrival, we went through the usual greetings of the 8 people who we kept waiting, 5 were neutrals and 3 were unc fans who attended the game. One of the folks, who my wife has known for about 40 years or more made the following comment to me: "I would have hugged you but I didn't want to get any Duke on me or my nice blue kerlina sweater."

Your next action/response would have been:

CameronBornAndBred · Post by **CameronBornAndBred** » November 9th, 2009, 9:35 am

I would never have said it but I would have thought it....
"That's ok, I didn't want to get any bitchiness on me". I wouldn't have said it, or much of anything else to her. For the whole night.

Lavabe · Post by **Lavabe** » November 9th, 2009, 9:37 am

Bad Lavabe would have responded with:
"[Expletive deleted] you... and your kind."

I am unsure how Good Lavabe would have responded. Some remark about sportsmanship would have cropped up.

Both Lavabes would have walked away, never to speak with them again, until an apology would have been given to me.

Lavabe · Post by **Lavabe** » November 9th, 2009, 9:46 am

Lavabe wrote:Bad Lavabe would have responded with:
"[Expletive deleted] you... and your kind."

I am unsure how Good Lavabe would have responded. Some remark about sportsmanship would have cropped up.

Both Lavabes would have walked away, never to speak with them again, until an apology would have been given to me.

Usually, I am pretty calm about these sort of things, but:
1) I don't live in North Carolina, and am not subjected to this crud every day. I only have to deal with UK fans.
2) I view my life as too short to deal with #$%#@$! like that. Hence, my 2nd, and more likely response.

I also wonder if the situation would have been reversed, would I have issued the same response as the person in baby blue? NO. Hence, my disgust with the person, and my refusal to have that person participate in my life any further.

Very Duke Blue · Post by **Very Duke Blue** » November 9th, 2009, 9:56 am

omg. so many thoughts come to mind. my 1st thought was: '''im so glad you didn't, i would have thrown up". would i have said this? most likely.

TillyGalore · Post by **TillyGalore** » November 9th, 2009, 10:18 am

I probably would have ignored her the whole evening, countered everything she said (e.g., if she said the sky was blue I'd argue it was in fact green), and stewed about it, thus making for an unpleasant guest.

Devil in the Blue Dress · Post by **Devil in the Blue Dress** » November 9th, 2009, 11:16 am

Some things adult people say and do are not worthy of receiving any sort of recognition. Getting involved in such childish and insulting banter accomplishes nothing.

There are a couple techniques I'll share with you. I learned them in some of my training in managing difficult people. The first is quite simple. Whatever is said, reply with the word ,"Oh" or the word, "Ah." (Use the same word throughout the conversation.) The key to this technique being effective is the use of voice inflection. Inflection can suggest a question, dismay, disappointment, etc. I can give you a demonstration on Saturday if you like.

Another technique is the use of reflection of what the other person said. Whatever the other person says, you repeat to them as a statement to make sure you heard it correctly. In this case, you could say, "You don't want to get anything on your blue sweater." Then wait for the next comment and paraphrase it back to her. Most people get tired of having their junk talk paraphrased back at them, so they stop. Hearing it paraphrase, especially without the baiting, often makes it clear to everyone else how ridiculous the comment was. In the meantime, you've only repeated what she said.

bjornolf · Post by **bjornolf** » November 9th, 2009, 12:12 pm

I had a friend in a similar situation a few years ago. He's a great guy, but he always takes the bait. He responded with, "That's okay, I don't want to catch your stupid."

OZZIE4DUKE · Post by **OZZIE4DUKE** » November 9th, 2009, 12:28 pm

Very Duke Blue wrote:omg. so many thoughts come to mind. my 1st thought was: '''im so glad you didn't, i would have thrown up". would i have said this? most likely.

Throwing up would have been my first thought, but I would have come back with my original joke: "Do you know why sky is carolina blue? So the rest of us don't have to step in it!"

Actually, throwing up on her sweater was probably the appropriate response!

devildeac · Post by **devildeac** » November 9th, 2009, 1:09 pm

My actual response tomorrow. Just seeing/hearing/reading what others might have done. All interesting replies so far.

TillyGalore · Post by **TillyGalore** » November 9th, 2009, 1:13 pm

bjornolf wrote:I had a friend in a similar situation a few years ago. He's a great guy, but he always takes the bait. He responded with, "That's okay, I don't want to catch your stupid."

I love this response. Just don't have the cajones to say it to someone.

Bostondevil · Post by **Bostondevil** » November 9th, 2009, 1:49 pm

You are asking me? The woman who refused to let the Carolina Blue MGH Marathon team jersey touch her skin? I'm probably guilty of such things myself. Nah, not really. But except for last year's Boston Marathon, I don't wear Carolina Blue, ever.

If someone had said that to me while wearing a Carolina shirt, I would have responded, "Whew, then we're even, cause I don't want that thing you're wearing touching me either. I'm just glad the Carolina team didn't bother with their Duke Blue jerseys today. What's up with that? Stealing our colors. They should be ashamed. Quite frankly, I have a problem with the Duke Blue accents on their basketball jerseys. There should be a law. Those two shades of blue should never be mixed on the same uniform. I'm glad Duke has never stooped so low."

OK, confession, the worst baiting I ever did. I was standing waiting for my oldest at the school bus stop when my third son was a baby. He was crying. A young man wearing a Carolina baseball cap walked by accompanied by two older ladies. They looked at my crying baby and cooed. I said, "It's OK, it's just the hat." At the look of confusion I pointed to my Duke Basketball shorts. The older ladies were offended. The young man chuckled.

CathyCA · Post by **CathyCA** » November 9th, 2009, 3:32 pm

My immediate reaction was this: "That's okay. I don't want to get any of your Kerlina germs on my nice Duke blue shirt."

But I like what DitBD said. I may try that sometime.

TNTDevil · Post by **TNTDevil** » November 9th, 2009, 3:43 pm

devildeac wrote:After the Duke-unc game, we spent over an hour traveling from the dump to the Nantucket Grill to meet with a group for dinner, arriving about 75 minutes late. (Don't get me started about why we agreed to this. Some things you just agree to do after 31 years of marriage.) Upon our arrival, we went through the usual greetings of the 8 people who we kept waiting, 5 were neutrals and 3 were unc fans who attended the game. One of the folks, who my wife has known for about 40 years or more made the following comment to me: "I would have hugged you but I didn't want to get any Duke on me or my nice blue kerlina sweater."

Your next action/response would have been:

My reply:
"I feel exactly the same way. However, my upbringing, and good manners, would have prevented me from ever saying such a thing out loud."

Rolvix · Post by **Rolvix** » November 9th, 2009, 4:13 pm

Since I'm still in high school I can get away with making rude remarks back (to my friends, not adults). Although I do generally try to take the high road.

I can't wait to hear what the actual response was!

Devil in the Blue Dress · Post by **Devil in the Blue Dress** » November 9th, 2009, 4:24 pm

CathyCA wrote:My immediate reaction was this: "That's okay. I don't want to get any of your Kerlina germs on my nice Duke blue shirt."

But I like what DitBD said. I may try that sometime.

Thanks for your comment. Those two techniques are very effective in dealing with difficult people..... that's why they're taught in classes targeting effective management skills. The beauty of such techniques is that most people don't realize how they're being defused until it's too late.

Very Duke Blue · Post by **Very Duke Blue** » November 9th, 2009, 4:26 pm

TillyGalore wrote:I probably would have ignored her the whole evening, countered everything she said (e.g., if she said the sky was blue I'd argue it was in fact green), and stewed about it, thus making for an unpleasant guest.

i see your point. your much nicer than me. after i would have made my statement, i would have smiled & would keep right on with the smiles. i would not want her or any other unc sheep,ram,lamb damn fan if her behavior got to me.

i am a

.

Rolvix · Post by **Rolvix** » November 9th, 2009, 4:26 pm

Devil in the Blue Dress wrote:
CathyCA wrote:My immediate reaction was this: "That's okay. I don't want to get any of your Kerlina germs on my nice Duke blue shirt."

But I like what DitBD said. I may try that sometime.
Thanks for your comment. Those two techniques are very effective in dealing with difficult people..... that's why they're taught in classes targeting effective management skills. The beauty of such techniques is that most people don't realize how they're being defused until it's too late.

I think skills and techniques like this are extremely interesting. Being able to manipulate (bad word choice, I know) people like that is kind of intriguing.

DukieInKansas · Post by **DukieInKansas** » November 9th, 2009, 4:36 pm

devildeac wrote:After the Duke-unc game, we spent over an hour traveling from the dump to the Nantucket Grill to meet with a group for dinner, arriving about 75 minutes late. (Don't get me started about why we agreed to this. Some things you just agree to do after 31 years of marriage.) Upon our arrival, we went through the usual greetings of the 8 people who we kept waiting, 5 were neutrals and 3 were unc fans who attended the game. One of the folks, who my wife has known for about 40 years or more made the following comment to me: "I would have hugged you but I didn't want to get any Duke on me or my nice blue kerlina sweater."

Your next action/response would have been:

I would have said, "Not a problem." And thought to myself - I prefer it that way also. Depending on the relationship and sense of humor of the tar heel fan, I might have thought that last part out loud.

Remember, I am the one that will tell total strangers with UNC garb on that it is an ugly shirt/hat/sweat shirt that they are wearing - with a smile and a laugh. I quickly point out that I went to Duke and a brief good natured conversation generally ensues.

OZZIE4DUKE · Post by **OZZIE4DUKE** » November 9th, 2009, 4:53 pm

Upon further review, I think I would have ordered ram chops for dinner...

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