Jokes

[cl15876]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York

and is certain that he has a better education then any country hick cop from Texas.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.


The deputy says, "License and registration, please."


"What for?" says the lawyer.


The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."


Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."


"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."




The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"


"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.

License and registration, please!" the Deputy repeats.


Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,

I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.

If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."


"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts

beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,

"Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

It's a lawyer joke. I thought it was tacky.

Come on honey, with a lil' twist based on situation it could be anyone that thinks they are smarter than a man-made GOD (aka police man).... In an abstract convo about tickets or accidents yesterday, I used this yesterday (paraphrased because of time limit and attention spans for non-lawyer types) and it was funny as H E double LLLLLLLLLLL's!!!!! Not a slam at you (at all) or any other competent lawyer, but it this was funny as shit, hence, don't EVER underestimate (not that you do) your opponent! (IMHO!!!!! of course, which is questionable!!! ;) )

[bjornolf]

It's a lawyer joke. I thought it was tacky.

Ya know, I almost warned about his comments about that joke. Afterall, I'm still chaffed from my encounter with Cathy after telling mine. But then I thought, "Nah, this'll be more fun." ;)

[cl15876]

It's a lawyer joke. I thought it was tacky.

Ya know, I almost warned about his comments about that joke. Afterall, I'm still chaffed from my encounter with Cathy after telling mine. But then I thought, "Nah, this'll be more fun." ;)

It's all good!!!! ;) Just need to NOT take things so seriously Bjornolf!!!! I need NOT address the thread about beyond double DD's! Shame on you! I have soo much to share, but sooo little time! ;)

[Jesus_hurley]

How do you get a carolina graduate off the porch?

Answer: Pay for the pizza

[knights68]

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a
flagpole, looking up. A lady walked by and
asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,"
said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few
bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocket, took a measurement &
announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked
away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just
like a woman? We ask for the height, and she
gives us the length."

[knights68]

Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer



If you should find it too offensive,
please advise, and I will remove your name
promptly from this type of posting!







You've been warned









here she is....
[img]blonde%20pole%20dancer.jpg[/img]

I tried to warn ya!

[CameronBornAndBred]

We ask for the height, and she
gives us the length."

[Very Duke Blue]

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a
flagpole, looking up. A lady walked by and
asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,"
said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few
bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocket, took a measurement &
announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked
away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just
like a woman? We ask for the height, and she
gives us the length."

:lol:

[cl15876]

We ask for the height, and she
gives us the length."

I liked this one also!

[bjornolf]

Little Halloween joke for everybody, since my son is now in scouting:

Why couldn't the (were)wolf scout make boy scout?

As usual, highlight for answer: Cause he just couldn't stop eating the Brownies!

[CameronBornAndBred]

Arnold Schwarzenegger's veto letter to the California assembly. Read all of leading letters in the body of the text.

To the Members of the California State Assembly:
I am returning Assembly Bill 1176 without my signature.

For some time now I have lamented the fact that major issues are overlooked while many
unnecessary bills come to me for consideration. Water reform, prison reform, and health
care are major issues my Administration has brought to the table, but the Legislature just
kicks the can down the alley.
Yet another legislative year has come and gone without the major reforms Californians
overwhelmingly deserve. In light of this, and after careful consideration, I believe it is
unnecessary to sign this measure at this time.

Sincerely,
Arnold Schwarzenegger

[devildeac]

Mrs. Ozzie decided to join her beloved out on the links one day for a round of golf. Things were going great until she suddenly collapsed on the 9th green with Ozzie already 2 under par and putting for a birdie. She grabbed her chest, said she thought she was having a heart attack and felt awful. Ozzie, being the loving and dutiful husband that he is, stepped away from his putt and immediately called 9-1-1 for EMS and also called the clubhouse to see if there was a doctor in the house, well, on the course. Fortunately, devildeac had a tee time that day and had just finished the 3rd hole. Reassured, Ozzie went back to line up his putt. Mortified, Mrs. Ozzie screamed bloody murder at him and asked how on earth he could possibly return to his round of golf when she was in such dire straits. He turned around ever-so-sweetly and told her not to worry as the rescue squad was on the way and the rest of the groups on the front nine had agreed to allow devildeac to "play through."












A patient told me that yesterday and the names were changed to protect the innocent.


Love ya, big guy.

[CameronBornAndBred]

He turned around ever-so-sweetly and told her not to worry as the rescue squad was on the way and the rest of the groups on the front nine had agreed to allow devildeac to "play through."

Too bad for Mrs. Ozzie that devildeac was sponsoring a "taste-a-beer-every-green" day.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

He turned around ever-so-sweetly and told her not to worry as the rescue squad was on the way and the rest of the groups on the front nine had agreed to allow devildeac to "play through."

Too bad for Mrs. Ozzie that devildeac was sponsoring a "taste-a-beer-every-green" day.

[devildeac]

He turned around ever-so-sweetly and told her not to worry as the rescue squad was on the way and the rest of the groups on the front nine had agreed to allow devildeac to "play through."

Too bad for Mrs. Ozzie that devildeac was sponsoring a "taste-a-beer-every-green" day.

Plus, he had a beer sampler just before stepping up to the 1st tee. :roll:

[Very Duke Blue]

Mrs. Ozzie decided to join her beloved out on the links one day for a round of golf. Things were going great until she suddenly collapsed on the 9th green with Ozzie already 2 under par and putting for a birdie. She grabbed her chest, said she thought she was having a heart attack and felt awful. Ozzie, being the loving and dutiful husband that he is, stepped away from his putt and immediately called 9-1-1 for EMS and also called the clubhouse to see if there was a doctor in the house, well, on the course. Fortunately, devildeac had a tee time that day and had just finished the 3rd hole. Reassured, Ozzie went back to line up his putt. Mortified, Mrs. Ozzie screamed bloody murder at him and asked how on earth he could possibly return to his round of golf when she was in such dire straits. He turned around ever-so-sweetly and told her not to worry as the rescue squad was on the way and the rest of the groups on the front nine had agreed to allow devildeac to "play through."

One of the best yet!












A patient told me that yesterday and the names were changed to protect the innocent.


Love ya, big guy.

[CameronBornAndBred]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs.. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

[devildeac]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs.. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

At least she didn't have a heart attack... :roll:

[cl15876]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs.. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

OOOO MY GOODNESS!!!! CB&B, YOU are a bad boy!!!!!!

[Very Duke Blue]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs.. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."