Post 1000: Therapy

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 4:58 pm

Outcome of today's meeting: ehhhh.

Lots of apologies and explanations of why I'm left out of decisions, meetings, calls, etc. and then expected to deliver on goals directly influenced by said meetings. It's a bit of the same old I'm afraid. Things will get better for the next fee weeks or months, then it'll happen again, or there will be something else.

I've got some thinking to do about where I fit in with the company. There has got to be a way for me to see my dreams through to completion, without getting trampled by my boss.

Thanks to everyone for reading my post, and offering your thoughts and vibes. I really appreciate it. Big time.

windsor · Post by **windsor** » September 29th, 2009, 5:26 pm

So things will get better for a little bit - not ideal at all, but at least that buys you time to explore options and make a clear well thought out decision (versus an "I can't work with this asshole one more second" decision). Any idea why Mr. Jerkface leaves you of of meetings etc? Kingdom builder? As a developer that was always my pet peeve...how the fuck do I know what to build if I don't have the information then you make me look like an idiot because I coded to spec 2.0 with no knowledge of 2.1 <grrrrrrrr....must control fists of death>

Glad we could be here to vent at and bounce off of....and hell....don't stop now!

Go home, have a

cl15876 · Post by **cl15876** » September 29th, 2009, 5:32 pm

windsor wrote:So things will get better for a little bit - not ideal at all, but at least that buys you time to explore options and make a clear well thought out decision (versus an "I can't work with this asshole one more second" decision). Any idea why Mr. Jerkface leaves you of of meetings etc? Kingdom builder? As a developer that was always my pet peeve...how the fuck do I know what to build if I don't have the information then you make me look like an idiot because I coded to spec 2.0 with no knowledge of 2.1 <grrrrrrrr....must control fists of death>

Glad we could be here to vent at and bounce off of....and hell....don't stop now!

Go home, have a

Miles, we will always be here for you!!!!!

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 5:33 pm

windsor wrote:So things will get better for a little bit - not ideal at all, but at least that buys you time to explore options and make a clear well thought out decision (versus an "I can't work with this asshole one more second" decision). Any idea why Mr. Jerkface leaves you of of meetings etc? Kingdom builder? As a developer that was always my pet peeve...how the fuck do I know what to build if I don't have the information then you make me look like an idiot because I coded to spec 2.0 with no knowledge of 2.1 <grrrrrrrr....must control fists of death>

Glad we could be here to vent at and bounce off of....and hell....don't stop now!

Go home, have a

He is by no means malicious. He's a bit misguided and having a hard time transitioning from inventor/product manager/marketeer to VP of Operations. Like a lot of managers, he just doesn't get that his job is to make sure I'm successful. Instead, he likes to meddle in things so he get excited about a project or a new customer, and then runs off to tell a programmer "Oh listen to my idea". Meanwhile, I'm working from another agreement or conversation. He doesn't understand the consequences of his actions, and when approached about them, he often acts like: "Well, that shouldn't be your reaction. This is your fault."

His cardinal sin though is that he just doesn't get quality. I was our QA Manager for a few years and I had the hardest time convincing him what quality really meant, and how you achieve it.

Thanks for being here and there.

P.S. I work from home.

windsor · Post by **windsor** » September 29th, 2009, 5:38 pm

Miles wrote: P.S. I work from home.

Well in that case you should have had a

long before now!

OZZIE4DUKE · Post by **OZZIE4DUKE** » September 29th, 2009, 5:44 pm

windsor wrote:
Miles wrote: P.S. I work from home.
Well in that case you should have had a long before now!

I'll drink to that! Sir, I believe I will!

cl15876 · Post by **cl15876** » September 29th, 2009, 6:01 pm

windsor wrote:
Miles wrote: P.S. I work from home.
Well in that case you should have had a long before now!

BY ALL MEANS!!!! You should be typppe-a-sluring your words by NOW!!!!!

$\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$

TillyGalore · Post by **TillyGalore** » September 29th, 2009, 9:23 pm

Miles, I'm a little late to the party. Though, really don't have anything to add as everyone else has done a great job. Sending vibes that things will improve for more than a few weeks to a month.

ArkieDukie · Post by **ArkieDukie** » September 29th, 2009, 9:44 pm

Miles, I'm also a bit late to the party. Vibes are coming now and they're coming strong. Parts of your story sound very similar to what I went through in my last job. However, it sounds like you had a somewhat productive meeting to address the problems. Hopefully things wil improve.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 9:55 pm

TillyGalore wrote:Miles, I'm a little late to the party. Though, really don't have anything to add as everyone else has done a great job. Sending vibes that things will improve for more than a few weeks to a month.

Thanks Honor! Your vibes are always welcome at my party, and they'll never be late. Thanks for your well-wishing.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 10:02 pm

ArkieDukie wrote:Miles, I'm also a bit late to the party. Vibes are coming now and they're coming strong. Parts of your story sound very similar to what I went through in my last job. However, it sounds like you had a somewhat productive meeting to address the problems. Hopefully things wil improve.

Thanks ArkieDukie. I'm still thinking about ways to improve the relationship and get to a place where he and I can both have what we want, and make the company successful. Hopefully things remain cool for the next few months while we work on things. Your vibes will definitely be useful.

CathyCA · Post by **CathyCA** » September 29th, 2009, 11:07 pm

This post isn't about him, it's about me.

I helped start this company ten years and have made personal sacrifices, moved all the way across the country and worked inhuman hours to help make this company successful. The idea of resigning makes me queasy. I feel like I'd be giving up on a relationship. As a company, we are so close to the goals we set out. As an individual, there is still so much that I can do, so much that I want to achieve. I love my company, I love customers, and I love the solution we provide. I just can't stand my boss.

I could have written what you wrote 3 years ago, except that it wouldn't have been about my employment. It would have been about my marriage and my husband.

You are a strong person, Miles, and you can overcome these obstacles. You ought to ask yourself the old Ann Landers question, "Are you better off with him or without him?" You already know the answer to that question, don't you? ;)

Good luck with the decisions you'll be making in the days, weeks and months ahead. Just my

Ima Facultiwyfe · Post by **Ima Facultiwyfe** » September 29th, 2009, 11:49 pm

It's clear that this is a great place for thinking out loud and getting reactions from others with similar experiences. So far I've heard them suggest you use the however brief honeymoon you've gained for productive planning, consider going out on your own, ask yourself the Ann Landers question, have a beer. To that I can only add keep venting. It should really help clear your mind and think straight.

The best thing I notice from your posts is that you know this is no reflection on you and your abilities. You have plenty of confidence. This whole thing may force you to make some great changes for yourself when you figure you've had enough of his foolishness.

Good luck. Sounds to me as though you certainly aren't the Lone Ranger.

Here are some extra vibes even though I don't think you are really going to need them.

Love, Ima

cl15876 · Post by **cl15876** » September 30th, 2009, 12:56 am

Ima Facultiwyfe wrote:It's clear that this is a great place for thinking out loud and getting reactions from others with similar experiences. So far I've heard them suggest you use the however brief honeymoon you've gained for productive planning, consider going out on your own, ask yourself the Ann Landers question, have a beer. To that I can only add keep venting. It should really help clear your mind and think straight.

The best thing I notice from your posts is that you know this is no reflection on you and your abilities. You have plenty of confidence. This whole thing may force you to make some great changes for yourself when you figure you've had enough of his foolishness.

Good luck. Sounds to me as though you certainly aren't the Lone Ranger.

Here are some extra vibes even though I don't think you are really going to need them.
Love, Ima

Very sound and objective words/thoughts to ponder! You are correct in that he is NOT the lone ranger, however, I might add that unless your options are carefully weighed, the decisions you make today in haste, might NOT be the same decisions you'd make tomorrow or after a good night's sleep regardless of your emotions or passions during or lingering from the heat of the moment!!!! ;)

shereec · Post by **shereec** » September 30th, 2009, 6:18 am

Miles,
Sorry to be late to the party here, too. You've already gotten good advice from these fine folks, so I just want to remind you that the door is always open, a cold beverage with your name on it awaits, and my philosophy major hubby has a wide range of relevant (or maybe not-so-relevant) points of view to inspire/entertain you (whatever you need). If a getaway sounds helpful, find your way to Raleigh. I'm leaving Friday to head to the coast to pick him up from Cycle North Carolina, but will be home Saturday afternoon and after that the calendar is clear - you and Kelly are always welcome. Also, I think it's past time for you to come to a Brunchgate/football game...
Hang in there.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 30th, 2009, 8:59 am

CathyCA wrote:
This post isn't about him, it's about me.

I helped start this company ten years and have made personal sacrifices, moved all the way across the country and worked inhuman hours to help make this company successful. The idea of resigning makes me queasy. I feel like I'd be giving up on a relationship. As a company, we are so close to the goals we set out. As an individual, there is still so much that I can do, so much that I want to achieve. I love my company, I love customers, and I love the solution we provide. I just can't stand my boss.
I could have written what you wrote 3 years ago, except that it wouldn't have been about my employment. It would have been about my marriage and my husband.

You are a strong person, Miles, and you can overcome these obstacles. You ought to ask yourself the old Ann Landers question, "Are you better off with him or without him?" You already know the answer to that question, don't you? ;)

Good luck with the decisions you'll be making in the days, weeks and months ahead. Just my

Thanks CathyCA! I feel like I'd be better off without him, but worse off without the company. Therein lies the big moral dilemma. On the other hand, he does have moments of genius, they just don't occur at the vice president level. One thing for sure, it has been one helluva learning experience. I have a shining example of how to not manage a development team effectively, and how to not treat your employees. So I guess I owe him a big 'thank you'.

Really appreciate your post.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 30th, 2009, 9:03 am

shereec wrote:Miles,
Sorry to be late to the party here, too. You've already gotten good advice from these fine folks, so I just want to remind you that the door is always open, a cold beverage with your name on it awaits, and my philosophy major hubby has a wide range of relevant (or maybe not-so-relevant) points of view to inspire/entertain you (whatever you need). If a getaway sounds helpful, find your way to Raleigh. I'm leaving Friday to head to the coast to pick him up from Cycle North Carolina, but will be home Saturday afternoon and after that the calendar is clear - you and Kelly are always welcome. Also, I think it's past time for you to come to a Brunchgate/football game...
Hang in there.

You are most certainly never late to this party.

I would love to come and vent with you and the uncle. It's a great feeling having a family like ours and I will be sure to get out of town and share the love as soon as I can. I am definitely long overdue for a Brunchgate, just ask devildeac. There are a few dates open soon and I will definitely come see ya.

Post by **YmoBeThere** » September 30th, 2009, 6:47 pm

Miles wrote:Like a lot of managers, he just doesn't get that his job is to make sure I'm successful.

Truer words haven't been spoken

ArkieDukie · Post by **ArkieDukie** » September 30th, 2009, 10:49 pm

Miles, your reply to Cathy tells me that you've got the right attitude. In some ways I've learned more from lousy bosses than good ones. Trite though it sounds, it seems as though I've come out on the other side of lousy life experiences as a far better person. Leading by example works quite well in that respect: treat others like crap, and they'll learn how not to treat others. Working your way through this situation is not fun, but you can recall this experience in the future and use what you learned. As an added bonus, you might be able to help a friend deal with a similar situation. Hope this makes sense. Typing lengthy messages in the iPhone can be a challenge.

Post by **wilson** » September 30th, 2009, 11:23 pm

I don't have much to add here...my experience in the real world is shockingly minimal.

from Atlanta, though.
These kinds of situations make me really glad that, for now, my responsibilities are about as solitary and unfettered by workplace politics as they'll ever be.

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