Post 1000: Therapy

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 11:49 am

There is nothing spectacular about this, my 1,000th post. I tried to think of something special to mark the occasion, but too much has happened between post 999 and today. I am frustrated, worried, and feel kind of hopeless. I need to vent. So for my 1,000th post I shall do what I have done in the previous 999 posts, I'll share my thoughts with you guys and gals, my online buddies.

I work for a jackass. He is a bumbling, micro-managing, arrogant, shining example of the Peter Principle and he is wearing me down. I wish it were easy to explain all of the problems, and how he influences them, but I don't where to start and it's just too much of tangled mess. It's really not relevant either. This post isn't about him, it's about me.

I helped start this company ten years and have made personal sacrifices, moved all the way across the country and worked inhuman hours to help make this company successful. The idea of resigning makes me queasy. I feel like I'd be giving up on a relationship. As a company, we are so close to the goals we set out. As an individual, there is still so much that I can do, so much that I want to achieve. I love my company, I love customers, and I love the solution we provide. I just can't stand my boss.

So later today, we're have a "heart-to-heart" moderated by the CEO. I don't think it's going to help. If anything, it'll just piss him off and alienate me from him even more.

I don't know what to do. I hate this feeling. I just want to kick ass and be something.

Thanks for listening. Onto posting.

windsor · Post by **windsor** » September 29th, 2009, 11:59 am

I wish I couold offer a solution - I'd be happy to shin kick the boss for you

Any chance at all you could work for someone else in the same company? I understand the level of ownership you have at this company, but if the boss is souring that - you may have to think about going elsewhere. I know you hate that idea...don't rule it out. The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship is still being in it tomorrow (since you drew the relationship comparison)

We are here for venting and shin kicking and bouncing ideas off....and it is a perfect 1000 post because shines a light on what CTN is.

Let us know how the meeting goes....sending vibes galore!

OZZIE4DUKE · Post by **OZZIE4DUKE** » September 29th, 2009, 12:13 pm

IF the big meeting doesn't work out
1) Who is/are your competitor(s) and would they value your services?
2) Is it practical to start your own business to compete with the old company? Is there a monetary, technical or contractual barrier to going out on your own? Would it be more feasible 6 months from now as the economy improves?

I hope the meeting works out well for you.

devildeac · Post by **devildeac** » September 29th, 2009, 12:26 pm

Great post. Really. I don't have any ready solutions/suggestions but it looks like windsor and Ozzie have some good initial thoughts. When you come to a Brunchgate, I'll be happy to share my experience of about 10 years ago when I left a huge medical group and went solo.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 12:33 pm

windsor wrote:I wish I couold offer a solution - I'd be happy to shin kick the boss for you

Any chance at all you could work for someone else in the same company? I understand the level of ownership you have at this company, but if the boss is souring that - you may have to think about going elsewhere. I know you hate that idea...don't rule it out. The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship is still being in it tomorrow (since you drew the relationship comparison)

We are here for venting and shin kicking and bouncing ideas off....and it is a perfect 1000 post because shines a light on what CTN is.

Let us know how the meeting goes....sending vibes galore!

Thanks windsor! You're a sweetheart. There is an opportunity to work elsewhere, and I've definitely been considering that idea. The other tough position I'm in is that the economy sucks. I've been looking at jobs and there aren't many opportunities right now. I could leave the dark side, and rejoin the ranks of customers again, but I'd feel like I'm a bit out of the loop and would have to start lower. Maybe that's not such a bad thing if I get my sanity back.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 12:40 pm

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:IF the big meeting doesn't work out
1) Who is/are your competitor(s) and would they value your services?
2) Is it practical to start your own business to compete with the old company? Is there a monetary, technical or contractual barrier to going out on your own? Would it be more feasible 6 months from now as the economy improves?

I hope the meeting works out well for you.

Two real competitors, both would value my services. One I wouldn't work for unless the situation became dire and the other one would, I imagine, be a great place to work. Only problem is that they're closest office is in Germany, but perhaps they'd let me work from home.

Other than the typical start-up monetary issues, I'd face a legal battle to go solo, or even join a competitor. I signed a noncompete which has been enforced when other employees "left".

Really, I just want this meeting to work out. I want him to work on getting better and I want to have the opportunity to do my job. I guess I just want it to be perfect. :-D

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 12:41 pm

devildeac wrote:Great post. Really. I don't have any ready solutions/suggestions but it looks like windsor and Ozzie have some good initial thoughts. When you come to a Brunchgate, I'll be happy to share my experience of about 10 years ago when I left a huge medical group and went solo.

Thanks dd. Just being able to vent makes a big difference. I'd love to hear about you going solo. I'll be sure to grab you and trader when I head to a brunchgate soon.

DukieInKansas · Post by **DukieInKansas** » September 29th, 2009, 12:56 pm

I am aiming mental shin kicks (ok - perhaps a bit higher) your boss's way in the hopes that it gets him to really face up to the issue and own his part of it during the meeting. You add value to the company and the CEO knows it is in the company's best interest to keep you, and keep you happy/productive. I hope the meeting goes well - we are all here for any ranting you want to share. We are also here to share a celebratory drink when the meeting goes well!

bjornolf · Post by **bjornolf** » September 29th, 2009, 1:15 pm

Shin kicks and vibes from NoVA! Good luck, man. Wish I could offer more. Here's a poke for your boss.

Ima Facultiwyfe · Post by **Ima Facultiwyfe** » September 29th, 2009, 1:26 pm

One fact of life keeps smacking me in the face as I read with great interest the posts of all of you hard working stiffs out there. It really, really IS a jungle. I'm reminded almost daily that my life as somebody's sweet old grandmother is not very relevant to what you guys deal with on a daily basis. I really have no advice to offer you except to be sure and digest all suggestions offered by those on this board who are so caring and knowledgeable. They won't steer you wrong.

Time after time, I have to simply offer a shoulder and a hug and reassurance to members of my own family who pull up their socks and head back into the fray over and over again. The only thing I know for certain is that each and every time they work through these things, they invariably come out the other side stronger and more self confident. I'd bet the farm that you do, too!!!

Listen carefully to the other side before you respond. Stay cool and breathe.
Bless your heart.
Love, Ima

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 1:27 pm

DukieInKansas wrote:I am aiming mental shin kicks (ok - perhaps a bit higher) your boss's way in the hopes that it gets him to really face up to the issue and own his part of it during the meeting. You add value to the company and the CEO knows it is in the company's best interest to keep you, and keep you happy/productive. I hope the meeting goes well - we are all here for any ranting you want to share. We are also here to share a celebratory drink when the meeting goes well!

HAHAHA thanks DukieInKansas. The meeting will go as well as I can make it. Until then, keep the shin kicks (or other appendage kicks) coming!

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 1:27 pm

bjornolf wrote:Shin kicks and vibes from NoVA! Good luck, man. Wish I could offer more. Here's a poke for your boss.

Dude. That poke emoticon got a good chuckle snort outta me. Thanks! I definitely needed it.

cl15876 · Post by **cl15876** » September 29th, 2009, 1:32 pm

Miles, excellent post! Although anyone's emotions and passions get amplified in situations such as this, I'll be vibing and praying for you this afternoon that calmer, rationale minds prevail and an actual beneficial discussion can occur where listening ears are put on and taken to heart as a move towards a positive perspective permitting proactive change to occur. Sometimes those in charge, shouldn't be; Sometimes those in charge make decisions that are hard and
Sometimes those in charge make decisions we don't agree with or understand, but as worker bee's we try and do what they ask (sometimes a big waste of time IMHO), but in the end, you can say "I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED and ASKED ME TO DO", when it doesn't work out quite to their liking or worse just fails. They will know you were being a good and faithful (& humble) servant without having to say I TOLD YOU SO (you can do that here))!!!. I keep this in mind when I run into these scenarios which isn't too often anymore, but they do still occur and if it violates my integrity, principles, values, morals, credibility, reputation, etc. I draw a BIG LINE and become very vocal because MY Leadership understands these things and sometimes forgets, hence I have no problem being a good soldier, but I will SPEAK UP in a heart beat and/or take action because it is the right thing to do. Money is nice, but I work real hard to not let the couple nickles in my pocket jade me for the lure of prestige and power as so many I've seen do and I pray for them. Hang in there my friend and consider this situation an experiential growth opportunity towards what the future has in store for you which is most likely beyond our comprehension at the moment. This is a small world and your reputation, credibility, character, maturity and professionalism will speak mountains without you saying a negative word!!!!!

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 1:32 pm

Ima Facultiwyfe wrote:One fact of life keeps smacking me in the face as I read with great interest the posts of all of you hard working stiffs out there. It really, really IS a jungle. I'm reminded almost daily that my life as somebody's sweet old grandmother is not very relevant to what you guys deal with on a daily basis. I really have no advice to offer you except to be sure and digest all suggestions offered by those on this board who are so caring and knowledgeable. They won't steer you wrong.

Time after time, I have to simply offer a shoulder and a hug and reassurance to members of my own family who pull up their socks and head back into the fray over and over again. The only thing I know for certain is that each and every time they work through these things, they invariably come out the other side stronger and more self confident. I'd bet the farm that you do, too!!!

Listen carefully to the other side before you respond. Stay cool and breathe.
Bless your heart.
Love, Ima

I would argue that you being a sweet old grandmother is completely relevant to what I deal with on a daily basis. You have always been a wonderful model of patience and kindness, truly demonstrating grace under fire. THAT, along with your kind words will definitely serve me well later.

Thank you Ima.

Ima Facultiwyfe · Post by **Ima Facultiwyfe** » September 29th, 2009, 1:37 pm

"I would argue that you being a sweet old grandmother is completely relevant to what I deal with on a daily basis. You have always been a wonderful model of patience and kindness, truly demonstrating grace under fire. THAT, along with your kind words will definitely serve me well later.

Thank you Ima.

01000011 01101000 01101001 01101100 01101001 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110111 00101110"
Two things:
1. Aw shucks.
2. Do all those zeroes and ones REALLY spell anything?

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 1:39 pm

cl15876 wrote:Miles, excellent post! Although anyone's emotions and passions get amplified in situations such as this, I'll be vibing and praying for you this afternoon that calmer, rationale minds prevail and an actual beneficial discussion can occur where listening ears are put on and taken to heart as a move towards a positive perspective permitting proactive change to occur. Sometimes those in charge, shouldn't be; Sometimes those in charge make decisions that are hard and
Sometimes those in charge make decisions we don't agree with or understand, but as worker bee's we try and do what they ask (sometimes a big waste of time IMHO), but in the end, you can say "I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED and ASKED ME TO DO", when it doesn't work out quite to their liking or worse just fails. They will know you were being a good and faithful (& humble) servant without having to say I TOLD YOU SO (you can do that here))!!!. I keep this in mind when I run into these scenarios which isn't too often anymore, but they do still occur and if it violates my integrity, principles, values, morals, credibility, reputation, etc. I draw a BIG LINE and become very vocal because MY Leadership understands these things and sometimes forgets, hence I have no problem being a good soldier, but I will SPEAK UP in a heart beat and/or take action because it is the right thing to do. Money is nice, but I work real hard to not let the couple nickles in my pocket jade me for the lure of prestige and power as so many I've seen do and I pray for them. Hang in there my friend and consider this situation an experiential growth opportunity towards what the future has in store for you which is most likely beyond our comprehension at the moment. This is a small world and your reputation, credibility, character, maturity and professionalism will speak mountains without you saying a negative word!!!!!

Thanks clbunchanumbers. I dream of a world where "guy" can be happy as the VP, and no longer feel the need to meddle. In a lot of ways, I feel for the guy and I can totally imagine why he acts the way he does. I wish there was a way to get through to him, or to show him that if he lets go a little, he'll get more back. Until that happens, I'll remember your advice and do the best job I can at doing what says.

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 1:40 pm

Ima Facultiwyfe wrote:"I would argue that you being a sweet old grandmother is completely relevant to what I deal with on a daily basis. You have always been a wonderful model of patience and kindness, truly demonstrating grace under fire. THAT, along with your kind words will definitely serve me well later.

Thank you Ima.

01000011 01101000 01101001 01101100 01101001 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110111 00101110"
Two things:
1. Aw shucks.
2. Do all those zeroes and ones REALLY spell anything?

They sure do! Binary translation equals: "Chili is a stew"

DukePA · Post by **DukePA** » September 29th, 2009, 3:26 pm

Along the lines of what CLBON said, hold tight to your values and integrity. Hope the meeting goes well.

CameronBornAndBred · Post by **CameronBornAndBred** » September 29th, 2009, 4:36 pm

I'm with DD..not much in the way of suggestions, but great post. Sometimes it is just flat out good for the soul to vent. Best of luck!

Miles · Post by **Miles** » September 29th, 2009, 4:45 pm

DukePA wrote:Along the lines of what CLBON said, hold tight to your values and integrity. Hope the meeting goes well.

CameronBornAndBred wrote:I'm with DD..not much in the way of suggestions, but great post. Sometimes it is just flat out good for the soul to vent. Best of luck!

It has been really great to vent. I've got tons of support from Kelly, family and friends here, but sometimes I feel like I might be the one wearing them down. It's great to have you all here, and it's great to have a place where I can share my feelings.

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