You can't make this stuff up!

[ArkieDukie]

A shining light of the Commonwealth just popped his head into the courtroom doors. “Has court not started yet?” Bailiff said, “no, we’re done with the 9:00 docket. What time was your case?” Bright light: “8:15.” (It was 9:22)

Lots of paper shuffling by lots of people to do what should have been done at 8:15.

Bailiff: “Do you have a felony? Do you need a lawyer?” Bright light: “I hope not.”

Me: “Sir, what are you charged with?”

Bright light: “I just had a little baggie of weed, about this small (holds up hand to show me just how small his bag of weed was.”

Brilliant!

[DukieInKansas]

Two baskets at the buzzer after missed free thows - one to go to overtime and the other to win the game.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Two baskets at the buzzer after missed free thows - one to go to overtime and the other to win the game.

What DinK said!!!

[lawgrad91]

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A ... dbF9dNF1Lg

No, this is not my county. They would probably put grapes on their heads and then wonder how people could identify them.

[lawgrad91]

Another quote from the Martinsville Bulletin. It passed the spell check, so it's right, isn't it?

"Patrick County had its second death in as many days from COVID-19, the first two involving county residences. "

It's RESIDENTS, people....

[lawgrad91]

A true fashionista matches the pink in her hair to the pink in her face mask.

[lawgrad91]

DUI Bodycam.

Deputy: Sir, I’m going to show you the one leg stand test, and ask you to do it.
DUI suspect: I have bad feet. I can’t balance.
Deputy: No problem, sir. Say the alphabet from D to U.
Suspect: D, E, F...Damn, that’s complicated. Can I do the stand thing?

He blew a 0.21.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

DUI Bodycam.

Deputy: Sir, I’m going to show you the one leg stand test, and ask you to do it.
DUI suspect: I have bad feet. I can’t balance.
Deputy: No problem, sir. Say the alphabet from D to U.
Suspect: D, E, F...Damn, that’s complicated. Can I do the stand thing?

He blew a 0.21.

If he had said DUKE would you have dismissed the case?

[devildeac]

DUI Bodycam.

Deputy: Sir, I’m going to show you the one leg stand test, and ask you to do it.
DUI suspect: I have bad feet. I can’t balance.
Deputy: No problem, sir. Say the alphabet from D to U.
Suspect: D, E, F...Damn, that’s complicated. Can I do the stand thing?

He blew a 0.21.

Sounds like the correct answer would have been D-U-I.

[lawgrad91]

DUI Bodycam.

Deputy: Sir, I’m going to show you the one leg stand test, and ask you to do it.
DUI suspect: I have bad feet. I can’t balance.
Deputy: No problem, sir. Say the alphabet from D to U.
Suspect: D, E, F...Damn, that’s complicated. Can I do the stand thing?

He blew a 0.21.

If he had said DUKE would you have dismissed the case?

It’s set in September, but chances are he’d have gotten a good offer if he had. Or if he had said GTHC.

[lawgrad91]

At a trial, a witness (or a testifying defendant) can be impeached with his/her criminal history, if it involves felonies, or misdemeanors involving lying, cheating or stealing. Coworker Jessica was trying a shoplifter yesterday. He said he really didn't steal the cases of water on February 4, he had been by on February 1 and paid for seven cases of water but could only fit four in his van so he came back on the 4th to get the additional three.

On cross-examination, I was treated to the following comedic interlude...

J: Sir, have you ever been convicted of a felony?
D: Yeah, I guess so.
J: How many?
D: Maybe a couple.
J: How many is a couple, sir?
D:
J: Do you consider FIFTEEN a couple?

The judge practically got whiplash from her head turn from Jessica to the defendant.

[lawgrad91]

I can't believe this didn't happen in Henry County. It was one county north of us....

https://martinsvillebulletin.com/news/l ... e-trending

[lawgrad91]

Saw this in a restaurant in Greensboro tonight. (and take Kentucky with you)

[lawgrad91]

7CCF4AA3-E8CD-490C-863C-896F8469B8B9.jpeg

Saw this in a restaurant in Greensboro tonight. (and take Kentucky with you)

Edit: he wasn’t sideways in the restaurant.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

7CCF4AA3-E8CD-490C-863C-896F8469B8B9.jpeg

Saw this in a restaurant in Greensboro tonight. (and take Kentucky with you)

Edit: he wasn’t sideways in the restaurant.

No, but his thinking is upside down!

[lawgrad91]

Free legal advice: cooperation with law enforcement is a good idea, especially if one is guilty.

So when the officer asks, “what is your social security number, ma’am?” The best answer is NOT, “291-go to fuckin’ hell.”

She may want some leniency on her shoplifting a $1.00 Tootsie Roll and some other stuff from a convenience store. She ain’t getting it....

[CameronBornAndBred]

Free legal advice: cooperation with law enforcement is a good idea, especially if one is guilty.

So when the officer asks, “what is your social security number, ma’am?” The best answer is NOT, “291-go to fuckin’ hell.”

She may want some leniency on her shoplifting a $1.00 Tootsie Roll and some other stuff from a convenience store. She ain’t getting it....

Why would he want her SS# ? She might be guilty, but I'd be tempted to say the same thing. Probably a little more tactfully, but still.

[lawgrad91]

Free legal advice: cooperation with law enforcement is a good idea, especially if one is guilty.

So when the officer asks, “what is your social security number, ma’am?” The best answer is NOT, “291-go to fuckin’ hell.”

She may want some leniency on her shoplifting a $1.00 Tootsie Roll and some other stuff from a convenience store. She ain’t getting it....

Why would he want her SS# ? She might be guilty, but I'd be tempted to say the same thing. Probably a little more tactfully, but still.

It’s an identifier, like date of birth. He is entitled to ask because he has probable cause to arrest her as a shoplifter.

[lawgrad91]

I'm sure none of you will be in this position, but should any one of you decide to sell heroin during the pandemic, and you take COVID precautions like wearing gloves, you should know that an N95 mask will only help to conceal your identity should you NOT WEAR IT TUCKED UNDER YOUR CHIN.

[lawgrad91]

Also, it probably doesn't win style points to tell one's love interest that he/she is "the most beautiful mother f***** on the planet."