You can't make this stuff up!

[devildeac]

A P5 football team has 1st and goal at their hated, cheating foe's 2 with 0:18 left on the game clock, down 17-20, and throws a @#$%ing RB jump pass.

[lawgrad91]

The Rev. LG’s former church lists events happening during the week on FB. They don’t proofread. (They don’t do a lot of anything, except be assholes to anyone not in their circle. Fired the old secretary by text less than two hours after he left.) Apparently the new secretary has some proofreading issues.

Their schedule for the week states that the food PANTY is open from 6-7 on Tuesday.

I have to admit I turned into an eight year old for about an hour.

[CathyCA]

The Rev. LG’s former church lists events happening during the week on FB. They don’t proofread. (They don’t do a lot of anything, except be assholes to anyone not in their circle. Fired the old secretary by text less than two hours after he left.) Apparently the new secretary has some proofreading issues.

Their schedule for the week states that the food PANTY is open from 6-7 on Tuesday.

I have to admit I turned into an eight year old for about an hour. AB89F874-A85B-4F0A-BEC3-76D29C6B3594.jpeg

I'm 8 years old, too!

[OZZIE4DUKE]

The Rev. LG’s former church lists events happening during the week on FB. They don’t proofread. (They don’t do a lot of anything, except be assholes to anyone not in their circle. Fired the old secretary by text less than two hours after he left.) Apparently the new secretary has some proofreading issues.

Their schedule for the week states that the food PANTY is open from 6-7 on Tuesday.

I have to admit I turned into an eight year old for about an hour. AB89F874-A85B-4F0A-BEC3-76D29C6B3594.jpeg

I'm 8 years old, too!

I almost made a Jeffrey Epstein joke here, but I thought better of it and self-edited and deleted it.

[lawgrad91]

Memo to the dim bulb, uh, lieutenant over Civil Process: When serving a subpoena at a place of employment, please use an appropriate abbreviation. One serves a subpoena on an "Assistant Manager," or an "Asst Mgr," but not an "Ass Manager." There is a llama farm and a ranch for people with disabilities, but neither of them have an "ass manager."

[windsor]

Memo to the dim bulb, uh, lieutenant over Civil Process: When serving a subpoena at a place of employment, please use an appropriate abbreviation. One serves a subpoena on an "Assistant Manager," or an "Asst Mgr," but not an "Ass Manager." There is a llama farm and a ranch for people with disabilities, but neither of them have an "ass manager."

Years back I managed a team of software developers. That title would have appropriate for me at that time.

[lawgrad91]

The afternoon shirt du jour: woman in for a probation violation. She was wearing an unzipped jacket, with a red T-shirt underneath. Didn't get a good look at it until she was walking out. It was OSU Buckeye red. It said: "ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE."

[CameronBornAndBred]

The afternoon shirt du jour: woman in for a probation violation. She was wearing an unzipped jacket, with a red T-shirt underneath. Didn't get a good look at it until she was walking out. It was OSU Buckeye red. It said: "ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE."

Well, at least she wore it in safe territory.

[IowaDevil]

The afternoon shirt du jour: woman in for a probation violation. She was wearing an unzipped jacket, with a red T-shirt underneath. Didn't get a good look at it until she was walking out. It was OSU Buckeye red. It said: "ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE."

[lawgrad91]

A person wearing this particular hat should not tell the deputy, “I don’t know anything about drugs.” Especially if he is out on bond for selling heroin....

[IowaDevil]

2D1C5B54-FA41-4368-A9FC-B8B8564A642B.jpeg

A person wearing this particular hat should not tell the deputy, “I don’t know anything about drugs.” Especially if he is out on bond for selling heroin....

[lawgrad91]

Another gem from the Martinsville Bulletin:

She was preceded in death by her husband, Sardar Pritam S. Narula. She is survived by her children, Kanchan Preet, Jappreet and Jaipreet.
Celebration of her life is held at Cumby Family Funeral Home at 1 p.m. on Tuesday, December 31, 2019, followed by religious rights on Saturday, January 4, 2020, at Gurudwara Sikh Association of the Triad in High Point.

I guess it's me, but I never considered Sikhs part of the RELIGIOUS RIGHT. I hope they meant RITES, but with this paper, one never knows.

[lawgrad91]

Another gem from the spellcheck gurus.

I had a case in court this morning where we moved to revoke the bond on a defendant for not being of good behavior. According to the motion, defendant gave a “vile” of adulterated urine to the probation officer.

I’m sure it was vile, but I expect she handed over a VIAL.

[DukieInKansas]

Went to my first city council meeting last night because they were going to discuss the preliminary plan for the expansion of the Overland Park Arboretum and Botanical Gardens. A protest petition had be submitted so the meeting turned into a public hearing on the issue. The disagreement boiled down to the "amphitheater" that is in the plan. Neighbors were concerned about lighting, sound, and traffic for any concerts that might be held in the amphitheater. The amphitheater has a seating capacity of 850. That is only lawn seating as there will be no permanent seating at the site. Also, there will be no lights. I'm not sure why they thought 7,000 people might show up for a rock concert there. Just after midnight, the votes were finally cast - 11 for to 1 against but the condition was added that the final plan will come before the council again allowing new members on the council to have a say in the final approval. (Unless some major fundraising occurs, there won't be an amphitheater in the next stage. I want to win powerball so I can fund the amphitheater and call it "Barbara's Bowl". )

[lawgrad91]

A person who is wanted by the Sheriff’s Office probably shouldn’t show up in the lobby of the Sheriff’s Office to report a larceny. And said person probably shouldn’t carry loose Schedule II pills in his pocket into the lobby of the Sheriff’s Office, and attempt to pop those pills upon arrest.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

A person who is wanted by the Sheriff’s Office probably shouldn’t show up in the lobby of the Sheriff’s Office to report a larceny. And said person probably shouldn’t carry loose Schedule II pills in his pocket into the lobby of the Sheriff’s Office, and attempt to pop those pills upon arrest.

Yeah, probably shouldn't...

[ArkieDukie]

Another gem from the spellcheck gurus.

I had a case in court this morning where we moved to revoke the bond on a defendant for not being of good behavior. According to the motion, defendant gave a “vile” of adulterated urine to the probation officer.

I’m sure it was vile, but I expect she handed over a VIAL.

I saw that one in lab notebooks all the time, back when I was teaching.

[lawgrad91]

Just because Carrie Underwood gets revenge on a cheater's vehicle on a music video, doesn't make it legal for an aggrieved person to carve "whore" and "homewrecker" into the paint job on the Honda of her ex's new baby mama.

Like a lot of other things in life, there are repercussions, no matter how good it makes a person feel.

It also doesn’t work to paint “DRUG WHORE” and “SLUT” on a Chrysler Pacifica.

When this gets charged, I expect to be called as a witness for the defense. I would have to testify under oath that those phrases do, in fact, describe the driver of said van. Even though truth is not an absolute defense.

[ArkieDukie]

Just because Carrie Underwood gets revenge on a cheater's vehicle on a music video, doesn't make it legal for an aggrieved person to carve "whore" and "homewrecker" into the paint job on the Honda of her ex's new baby mama.

Like a lot of other things in life, there are repercussions, no matter how good it makes a person feel.

It also doesn’t work to paint “DRUG WHORE” and “SLUT” on a Chrysler Pacifica.

When this gets charged, I expect to be called as a witness for the defense. I would have to testify under oath that those phrases do, in fact, describe the driver of said van. Even though truth is not an absolute defense.

Thanks for giving me a good laugh. I needed that!!

[lawgrad91]

A shining light of the Commonwealth just popped his head into the courtroom doors. “Has court not started yet?” Bailiff said, “no, we’re done with the 9:00 docket. What time was your case?” Bright light: “8:15.” (It was 9:22)

Lots of paper shuffling by lots of people to do what should have been done at 8:15.

Bailiff: “Do you have a felony? Do you need a lawyer?” Bright light: “I hope not.”

Me: “Sir, what are you charged with?”

Bright light: “I just had a little baggie of weed, about this small (holds up hand to show me just how small his bag of weed was.”