You can't make this stuff up!

[lawgrad91]

So the arrogant prick, uh, attorney from Richmond called back yesterday when I was in court. The message I got from the secretary was much more polite than the message I got the day before. I relented and left him a message.

He called me back. He said, "it occurred to me that I have all the information, and you know nothing."

The bailiffs told me they wouldn't see a thing if I popped him a couple times when he came into court.

[lawgrad91]

Dude just told the judge he can't get a drivers license because it stormed.

[CathyCA]

So the arrogant prick, uh, attorney from Richmond called back yesterday when I was in court. The message I got from the secretary was much more polite than the message I got the day before. I relented and left him a message.

He called me back. He said, "it occurred to me that I have all the information, and you know nothing."

The bailiffs told me they wouldn't see a thing if I popped him a couple times when he came into court.

Somebody needs to talk to this guy about home cookin' in the courtroom (especially in front of a jury). They are NOT going to like him.

[CathyCA]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

OOOOOOOOOH!
Love, Ima

[lawgrad91]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

Wow. Good for you!

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

Note to excellent lawyer: is your time better spent doing your job or your assistant's? Me thinks her job is indispensable. But she is replaceable!

[bjornolf]

My mom was getting onto a major road when a police officer in a marked car came flying down the ramp with his lights and sirens going. She pulled over to let him pass. He whipped in behind her and cited her for crossing the solid line. She said, "Am I not supposed to pull over to let you pass when your sirens and lights are on?" He didn't seem to care.

Another time, she was walking to her car with a cane. She had severely sprained her achilles and had a huge medical boot on. She was parked in a handicapped spot. She had a tag but had forgotten to put it up. A police officer had waited for her to come out. He jumped out of his car and started berating her, right in front of a 6 year old me. It went on and on, him yelling right in her face about what a horrible person she was and how real handicapped people needed that spot. This went on for at least two minutes. When he finally wound down, she lifted her dress and showed him the boot. Then she pulled the tag out of her purse and showed it to him, explaining she'd forgotten to put it up. He stormed back to his car, got in, and peeled out, tires squealing. Wow.

Final Mom story. We were headed out to the Outer Banks. I was in college. I was following my parents. I didn't know that I was supposed to pull ahead and pull over too if she got pulled over, so when a state trooper whipped between us and lit her up on a dark, two lane road, I pulled over at the gas station about half a mile down the road. She had been changing speeds and weaving a little bit, all in her lane. The road was very dark and about half the street lights were out. She was also very mad at me. I'd been riding with her while my dad followed, but being a stupid teenager, I'd been passenger seat driving, so she'd kicked me out to drive the other car. The officer, who she said was very sweet, was about my age at the time (probably a freshly minted 21 or 22 year old officer). He asked her, "Ma'am, are you impaired?' in a heavy NC accent. She went off, "IMPAIRED? Of course I'm impaired! There's no light on this road, the lanes are too narrow, and my son has been driving me crazy!" He replied, "Please calm down, ma'am. Everything's okay. Would you like a bottle of water? I mainly pulled you over to ask if you knew you were being followed the last several miles? I didn't want you and your husband getting attacked out here." "That's just my idiot son. He's the one who's driving me crazy. We're headed to the Outer Banks, and he's been bugging me about my driving all day. And now he's run off like a coward instead of staying with me." Officer chuckled, "All right ma'am. Why don't you just take a moment to calm down, then you can be on your way? It's never a good idea to drive angry." "Thank you so much, young man. My son's about you're age. I wish he acted more like you." "Thank you, ma'am. You have a pleasant evening and enjoy the beach."

[lawgrad91]

My former co-worker Randy (who was a BRILLIANT guy but had zero common sense-he called a pharmacy once to complain about how hard it was to put the eye medication they had given him in his eye. It was a capsule. You know, the kind of thing you swallow with a glass of water....) once had someone indicted in Martinsville City for failing to display a handicapped tag when parking in a handicapped spot. The guy was a disabled veteran and had a tag but had forgotten to put it on his mirror.

[DukieInKansas]

My former co-worker Randy (who was a BRILLIANT guy but had zero common sense-he called a pharmacy once to complain about how hard it was to put the eye medication they had given him in his eye. It was a capsule. You know, the kind of thing you swallow with a glass of water....) once had someone indicted in Martinsville City for failing to display a handicapped tag when parking in a handicapped spot. The guy was a disabled veteran and had a tag but had forgotten to put it on his mirror.

I was leaving soccer one evening and watched 2 women park the car, which did have the handicapped tag, in the handicapped spots by the door. They then went in to play indoor soccer. I didn't realize the tag was the important part of parking - it apparently doesn't matter if the handicapped person isn't in the car. I wish I could have had them indicted.

(A high school friend had a sister in a wheelchair so I have always been very conscious of who parks in handicapped spots - but do wait until they get out of the car to make the judgement as you can tell from them sitting in the car.)

[bjornolf]

The ventriloquist comedian, Jeff Dunham, has a joke where his old dummy whacks a guy with the door of his car to "make him handicapped" when he sees the able bodied guy getting out of his car in a handicapped spot. Jeff asked him what happened next. He said, "his wife opened the door and started yelling and waving her crutches at me." Jeff asked what happened next. "I hit her too!"

[CathyCA]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

Note to excellent lawyer: is your time better spent doing your job or your assistant's? Me thinks her job is indispensable. But she is replaceable!

My time is better spent doing MY job, and not hers. But when she doesn't do her job and I'm in danger of missing a deadline (and therefore a fee/groceries on the table), there is a problem. Her job is indispensible, and it's very important. Because I've learned how to do it, I can train her successor. She had better be VERY nice to me when she returns from vacation.

[DukePA]

My mom was getting onto a major road when a police officer in a marked car came flying down the ramp with his lights and sirens going. She pulled over to let him pass. He whipped in behind her and cited her for crossing the solid line. She said, "Am I not supposed to pull over to let you pass when your sirens and lights are on?" He didn't seem to care.

Another time, she was walking to her car with a cane. She had severely sprained her achilles and had a huge medical boot on. She was parked in a handicapped spot. She had a tag but had forgotten to put it up. A police officer had waited for her to come out. He jumped out of his car and started berating her, right in front of a 6 year old me. It went on and on, him yelling right in her face about what a horrible person she was and how real handicapped people needed that spot. This went on for at least two minutes. When he finally wound down, she lifted her dress and showed him the boot. Then she pulled the tag out of her purse and showed it to him, explaining she'd forgotten to put it up. He stormed back to his car, got in, and peeled out, tires squealing. Wow.

Final Mom story. We were headed out to the Outer Banks. I was in college. I was following my parents. I didn't know that I was supposed to pull ahead and pull over too if she got pulled over, so when a state trooper whipped between us and lit her up on a dark, two lane road, I pulled over at the gas station about half a mile down the road. She had been changing speeds and weaving a little bit, all in her lane. The road was very dark and about half the street lights were out. She was also very mad at me. I'd been riding with her while my dad followed, but being a stupid teenager, I'd been passenger seat driving, so she'd kicked me out to drive the other car. The officer, who she said was very sweet, was about my age at the time (probably a freshly minted 21 or 22 year old officer). He asked her, "Ma'am, are you impaired?' in a heavy NC accent. She went off, "IMPAIRED? Of course I'm impaired! There's no light on this road, the lanes are too narrow, and my son has been driving me crazy!" He replied, "Please calm down, ma'am. Everything's okay. Would you like a bottle of water? I mainly pulled you over to ask if you knew you were being followed the last several miles? I didn't want you and your husband getting attacked out here." "That's just my idiot son. He's the one who's driving me crazy. We're headed to the Outer Banks, and he's been bugging me about my driving all day. And now he's run off like a coward instead of staying with me." Officer chuckled, "All right ma'am. Why don't you just take a moment to calm down, then you can be on your way? It's never a good idea to drive angry." "Thank you so much, young man. My son's about you're age. I wish he acted more like you." "Thank you, ma'am. You have a pleasant evening and enjoy the beach."

You have the best stories I wish I had had the opportunity to meet your Mom

[bjornolf]

I was hoping some of the attorneys here would address the first one. I mean, what the hell?

[lawgrad91]

I was hoping some of the attorneys here would address the first one. I mean, what the hell?

We have a brand-spanking new traffic court judge, so I can't speak on what he might or might not do, but the last several we have wouldn't spend much time on the case your mom brought before throwing it out. Sounds like maybe someone was trying to get his ticket numbers up.

[IowaDevil]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

And don't mess with Miss Cathy....ever! ;)
I am giggling big time!

[DukePA]

Note to legal assistant who went on vacation and (before her departure) told another legal assistant, "Miss Cathy will have to wait until I return from vacation to get this work done:"

I don't think so.

I spent the entire day learning your job, running down information at the Clerk of Court, the county tax office, the Register of Deeds and our office, including pulling the forms from your computer that I needed to get this job done. You are not as indispensible as you once may have thought you were. Also, your work is not as difficult as you had led me to believe that it was.

Don't mess with me. Ever.

And don't mess with Miss Cathy....ever! ;)
I am giggling big time!

That's right! Don't mess with a pissed off Blue Devil Attorney!!! She looks real sweet, but she'll kick yo ass!!!

[lawgrad91]

The defendant just told the court that her medicine makes her "comma-toast."

[DukePA]

The defendant just told the court that her medicine makes her "comma-toast."

Bwahahaha!!!

[DukieInKansas]

The defendant just told the court that her medicine makes her "comma-toast."

Is that similar to French toast?