You can't make this stuff up!

[Devil in the Blue Dress]

I'm in Patrick County court this morning. A man was chewed out for driving on a suspended license. The judge told him he could give him a year in jail and a $2500 fine, but was only going to fine him $100. The man said, "Judge, thank you. Do you want a dog?"

Following that response, how about an investigation related to any animals in the defendent's care?

[lawgrad91]

I was prosecuting a reckless driving case this morning. Guy blew the doors off a marked police vehicle (it was the dog catcher in his pickup, but the pickup had a light bar, badges on the doors, said "Henry County Sheriff's Office" all over it, etc.) as it was traveling 65 mph down the bypass. The dog catcher got in behind the guy, but couldn't gain on him while driving speeds of 95 mph. Eventually the guy was stopped, and he said 1. he had a migraine and 2. he was an epileptic and was trying to get home to High Point. (BTW, at normal highway speeds High Point is an hour from where he was stopped.)

So I'm putting on my case. One of the things a prosecutor has to prove is the identity of the driver. So I asked Dog Catcher, "Do you see the person who was driving the car in the courtroom here today?"

Defendant helpfully held up his hand.

[DukieInKansas]

I was prosecuting a reckless driving case this morning. Guy blew the doors off a marked police vehicle (it was the dog catcher in his pickup, but the pickup had a light bar, badges on the doors, said "Henry County Sheriff's Office" all over it, etc.) as it was traveling 65 mph down the bypass. The dog catcher got in behind the guy, but couldn't gain on him while driving speeds of 95 mph. Eventually the guy was stopped, and he said 1. he had a migraine and 2. he was an epileptic and was trying to get home to High Point. (BTW, at normal highway speeds High Point is an hour from where he was stopped.)

So I'm putting on my case. One of the things a prosecutor has to prove is the identity of the driver. So I asked Dog Catcher, "Do you see the person who was driving the car in the courtroom here today?"

Defendant helpfully held up his hand.

Thank you! I haven't been feeling my brightest today - this made me feel a bit smarter than I did a few minutes ago.

[CathyCA]

I was prosecuting a reckless driving case this morning. Guy blew the doors off a marked police vehicle (it was the dog catcher in his pickup, but the pickup had a light bar, badges on the doors, said "Henry County Sheriff's Office" all over it, etc.) as it was traveling 65 mph down the bypass. The dog catcher got in behind the guy, but couldn't gain on him while driving speeds of 95 mph. Eventually the guy was stopped, and he said 1. he had a migraine and 2. he was an epileptic and was trying to get home to High Point. (BTW, at normal highway speeds High Point is an hour from where he was stopped.)

So I'm putting on my case. One of the things a prosecutor has to prove is the identity of the driver. So I asked Dog Catcher, "Do you see the person who was driving the car in the courtroom here today?"

Defendant helpfully held up his hand.

I once won a DWI because the testifying deputy failed to put my client behind the wheel of the car. I also had a rookie ADA prosecuting the case who didn't notice. I almost jumped out of my skin when I made the motion to dismiss. . .

I'm going to giggle about your helpful defendant all day today.

[lawgrad91]

As my esteemed colleague knows, the prosecutor also has to allege venue. As a defense attorney I won a case once where the elected Commonwealth's attorney had the officer testify all about the events on "Route 58," but never said the name of the county. As I pointed out to the Judge, 58 runs from the Atlantic Ocean to the Tennessee line.

[CathyCA]

Remember that small internet portal that our firm has? Here is this morning's "personal injury" query:

I was pulled out of my car by an officer after he watched me walk to my car with my Cain while he continued to yelling at me to get in my car. I am disabled and I told him that I need assistance to get out of my car. I said please I could you take my hands I need help.

I had to read this inquiry several times to understand that "my Cain" was not Abel's brother. I'm still scratching my head as to what this woman's personal injuries might be.

[lawgrad91]

Remember that small internet portal that our firm has? Here is this morning's "personal injury" query:

I was pulled out of my car by an officer after he watched me walk to my car with my Cain while he continued to yelling at me to get in my car. I am disabled and I told him that I need assistance to get out of my car. I said please I could you take my hands I need help.

I had to read this inquiry several times to understand that "my Cain" was not Abel's brother. I'm still scratching my head as to what this woman's personal injuries might be.

[lawgrad91]

Two of our local contractors are engaged in a social media pissing contest, and one of them is in touch with us on an extremely regular basis wanting the other charged with violation of a court order. (He doesn't understand that without a court order, there can be no violation of same. He is an enormous sheep fan. Coincidence? I think not.)

At any rate, he sent me an email that had as a subject line "(other contractor) is stalking me on Twitter." He then sent a screen shot of a Twitter account screen in the name of the other contractor. At the bottom of the screen it says, "(other contractor) follows you."

I asked the Judge yesterday that, since I follow George Clooney, perhaps the court should bring George Clooney to our General District Court and order me not to stalk him.

[CathyCA]

Two of our local contractors are engaged in a social media pissing contest, and one of them is in touch with us on an extremely regular basis wanting the other charged with violation of a court order. (He doesn't understand that without a court order, there can be no violation of same. He is an enormous sheep fan. Coincidence? I think not.)

At any rate, he sent me an email that had as a subject line "(other contractor) is stalking me on Twitter." He then sent a screen shot of a Twitter account screen in the name of the other contractor. At the bottom of the screen it says, "(other contractor) follows you."

I asked the Judge yesterday that, since I follow George Clooney, perhaps the court should bring George Clooney to our General District Court and order me not to stalk him.

are so stoopid.

I wonder whether your judge could order me not to stalk George Clooney, too!

[IowaDevil]

When is this book being published? I want to be first on the list to purchase an autographed copy!

[lawgrad91]

Two of our local contractors are engaged in a social media pissing contest, and one of them is in touch with us on an extremely regular basis wanting the other charged with violation of a court order. (He doesn't understand that without a court order, there can be no violation of same. He is an enormous sheep fan. Coincidence? I think not.)

At any rate, he sent me an email that had as a subject line "(other contractor) is stalking me on Twitter." He then sent a screen shot of a Twitter account screen in the name of the other contractor. At the bottom of the screen it says, "(other contractor) follows you."

I asked the Judge yesterday that, since I follow George Clooney, perhaps the court should bring George Clooney to our General District Court and order me not to stalk him.

are so stoopid.

I wonder whether your judge could order me not to stalk George Clooney, too!

If I get notice of a hearing to enjoin me from stalking George Clooney, I will let you know. I am sure I will need representation from both an NC and a VA attorney, and I expect my friends would stand in line to be the VA one.

[DukePA]

Two of our local contractors are engaged in a social media pissing contest, and one of them is in touch with us on an extremely regular basis wanting the other charged with violation of a court order. (He doesn't understand that without a court order, there can be no violation of same. He is an enormous sheep fan. Coincidence? I think not.)

At any rate, he sent me an email that had as a subject line "(other contractor) is stalking me on Twitter." He then sent a screen shot of a Twitter account screen in the name of the other contractor. At the bottom of the screen it says, "(other contractor) follows you."

I asked the Judge yesterday that, since I follow George Clooney, perhaps the court should bring George Clooney to our General District Court and order me not to stalk him.

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

Me too! Me too1 I stalk George. I stalk George a LOT! I've cleared my calendar for my subpoena!!
Love, Ima

[ArkieDukie]

Me too! Me too1 I stalk George. I stalk George a LOT! I've cleared my calendar for my subpoena!!
Love, Ima

Subpoena me too, please? Pretty please?

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Me too! Me too1 I stalk George. I stalk George a LOT! I've cleared my calendar for my subpoena!!
Love, Ima

Subpoena me too, please? Pretty please?

Meh. I'll pass on the stalking subpoena.

[lawgrad91]

Me too! Me too1 I stalk George. I stalk George a LOT! I've cleared my calendar for my subpoena!!
Love, Ima

Subpoena me too, please? Pretty please?

Just tell the bailiff at the door you are part of the class action stalking matter, and you can be up front in the courtroom.

[lawgrad91]

Not a stupid defendant story, but....

There was a voicemail on my phone this morning from an attorney in Richmond, regarding a traffic case on Friday. He is the ambulance chaser representing a FedEx driver who was struck when Friday' s defendant (allegedly) ran a red light. He wants me to call him back so that he can make sure I know which questions to ask of his client.

Dude, I've been covering traffic court for 21 years. I've been in a courtroom more times this year than you have in your career. STFU.

Ok, rant over. Thanks for letting me vent.

[CathyCA]

Not a stupid defendant story, but....

There was a voicemail on my phone this morning from an attorney in Richmond, regarding a traffic case on Friday. He is the ambulance chaser representing a FedEx driver who was struck when Friday' s defendant (allegedly) ran a red light. He wants me to call him back so that he can make sure I know which questions to ask of his client.

Dude, I've been covering traffic court for 21 years. I've been in a courtroom more times this year than you have in your career. STFU.

Ok, rant over. Thanks for letting me vent.

Stupid lawyer stories are welcome here, too.

[DukePA]

Not a stupid defendant story, but....

There was a voicemail on my phone this morning from an attorney in Richmond, regarding a traffic case on Friday. He is the ambulance chaser representing a FedEx driver who was struck when Friday' s defendant (allegedly) ran a red light. He wants me to call him back so that he can make sure I know which questions to ask of his client.

Dude, I've been covering traffic court for 21 years. I've been in a courtroom more times this year than you have in your career. STFU.

Ok, rant over. Thanks for letting me vent.

Bless his arrogant, little heart.

[DukieInKansas]

OK - it's not a lawyer/court story but I have to share. Last Friday, I noticed a van in the corner of the office parking lot. I could see 5 teenagers, a toddler in just a diaper, and a female adult. As I watched them open all the doors on the van and the woman leaning in the van, I began to get the feeling that toddler had a blowout and was now the proud owner of a clean diaper. Sure enough, the car seat was removed from the car and the woman continued doing whatever in the car as the teens and toddler stayed in the shade. I was just getting ready to find a large trash bag and some air freshener to take down to them when she put the car seat on the curb, folded down the cloth cover of the seat, loaded everyone in the van and left. Later on, I noticed an black sedan stop and an older gentleman get out. He walked over to the car seat and lifted a portion of the cloth seat. He quickly returned to his car and left. When I was driving past the parking lot about 5:15pm on Monday, the car was still sitting on the curb. The parking lot was too full at 8:30pm with people coming for the fireworks so I couldn't tell if the car seat was still there. It was missing by Tuesday morning. Not sure if someone claimed it or it hit the trash in the fireworks cleanup.

One of my co-workers was having trouble with the van driving off with the toddler not being in a car seat. I just kept thinking that surely replacing the cover would be cheaper than a new car seat and that there had to have been someway to take it home.

Parking lots can have some entertaining activity in them.