LTE 2.0

[lawgrad91]

My co-worker just got an email forwarded from her husband.

He works in the varnish zone for a company based in Cleveland.

The company president sent all employees notification of the factory in Ohio closing over the holidays.

The heading of the email was "Holiday Shitdown."

[devildeac]

My co-worker just got an email forwarded from her husband.

He works in the varnish zone for a company based in Cleveland.

The company president sent all employees notification of the factory in Ohio closing over the holidays.

The heading of the email was "Holiday Shitdown."

Wow, the GI bug that has been spreading through NC has already spread to Ohio .

[OZZIE4DUKE]

My co-worker just got an email forwarded from her husband.

He works in the varnish zone for a company based in Cleveland.

The company president sent all employees notification of the factory in Ohio closing over the holidays.

The heading of the email was "Holiday Shitdown."

I was going to refer you to the joke thread and suggest you copy and send this to your friend to send to her boss (or not... depending on his sense of humor), but I'll save you the trouble and copy it here for you

S(pecial) H(igh) I(ntensity) T(raining)


MEMORANDUM

TO: All Employees

FROM: Communications Services

SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town.

If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.

If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Some of you already display aptitudes that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). Those individuals who do not meet the requirements of The Bureau must first complete Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, Special High Intensity Training (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) program.

Thank You.

Boss in General SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

[DevilAlumna]

So, if you'd asked me three days ago how I liked my 2011 Chevy Equinox after a year's worth of moderate use, I would have raved about it.

Today, after hearing that it likely needs the transmission replaced, I'm singing a different tune. Thank goodness for warranty coverage, but I really didn't want to have to be reading up on Washington state's Lemon Laws....

[devildeac]

So, if you'd asked me three days ago how I liked my 2011 Chevy Equinox after a year's worth of moderate use, I would have raved about it.

Today, after hearing that it likely needs the transmission replaced, I'm singing a different tune. Thank goodness for warranty coverage, but I really didn't want to have to be reading up on Washington state's Lemon Laws....

I thought everyone in Oregon and Washington bought a Subaru...

[DevilAlumna]

So, if you'd asked me three days ago how I liked my 2011 Chevy Equinox after a year's worth of moderate use, I would have raved about it.

Today, after hearing that it likely needs the transmission replaced, I'm singing a different tune. Thank goodness for warranty coverage, but I really didn't want to have to be reading up on Washington state's Lemon Laws....

I thought everyone in Oregon and Washington bought a Subaru...

No, no, that's Oregon & Colorado. Washington has its fair share of redneck truck-lovers; I had to find a middle ground. ;)

[YmoBeThere]

New Hampshire was fairly even split between Subarus and Audis.

[EarlJam]

My co-worker just got an email forwarded from her husband.

He works in the varnish zone for a company based in Cleveland.

The company president sent all employees notification of the factory in Ohio closing over the holidays.

The heading of the email was "Holiday Shitdown."

LOL!

And I thought a Holiday Shitdown was what happened about five hours after Thanksgiving dinner!

-EarlJam

[OZZIE4DUKE]

One of my high school friends posted this on Facebook today. I believe her, so I'm posting it here instead of the Joke Thread.

I was at Marine Home Center buying a bag of Mazuri pig chow for my pig and in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a pig. Why else would I be buying pig chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a pig, I was starting the Mazuri Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awa...kened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with Mazuri nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the pig food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to root a patch of dirt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer.

[CathyCA]

One of my high school friends posted this on Facebook today. I believe her, so I'm posting it here instead of the Joke Thread.

I was at Marine Home Center buying a bag of Mazuri pig chow for my pig and in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a pig. Why else would I be buying pig chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a pig, I was starting the Mazuri Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awa...kened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with Mazuri nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the pig food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to root a patch of dirt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer.

At first I thought your friend was at the home for retired military personnel.

This must be a store in Florida that I've never had the pleasure of patronizing.

[devildeac]

One of my high school friends posted this on Facebook today. I believe her, so I'm posting it here instead of the Joke Thread.

I was at Marine Home Center buying a bag of Mazuri pig chow for my pig and in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a pig. Why else would I be buying pig chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a pig, I was starting the Mazuri Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awa...kened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with Mazuri nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the pig food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to root a patch of dirt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer.

Oink!

[OZZIE4DUKE]

She lives in Nantucket! Let the limericks begin!

[CathyCA]

She lives in Nantucket! Let the limericks begin!

There once was a store on Nantucket
That stocked pig food in a bucket.

[Very Duke Blue]

I just got my laughs for the day. Well,I could use a few more...off to the jokes thread I go.

[ArkieDukie]

Today was an interesting day. First off, my sister texted to tell me that a friend of hers works in the lab where I'm interviewing next week. She found out b/c he sent her a message to ask if we're related. Secondly, NuBarbie's laziness regarding the printer paid off for me. She left a hard copy of a PowerPoint presentation sitting on the printer for an hour or so; the presentation is new and relates to the material I'll be talking about next week. I made an electronic copy of the presentation for myself. I don't know yet if I'll be able to incorporate any of it into my talk, but I will at least have some working knowledge of current work on the project.

Annoying part of the day: first thing this morning, PHB gave me a fairly involved task and asked for completion by noon. I have been unable to access the software that I needed to access in order to complete the task - in fact, PHB told our IT guy NOT to give me access when he set up my new machine a few weeks ago. The IT guy showed up at 10:45 to address the issue, and it took him 10 min to finish. It took me 1.5 hrs to complete the task, which means I was past PHB's deadline. All of this would've been much easier if PHB had just given me access to the stinking software in the first place.

[captmojo]

My co-worker just got an email forwarded from her husband.

He works in the varnish zone for a company based in Cleveland.

The company president sent all employees notification of the factory in Ohio closing over the holidays.

The heading of the email was "Holiday Shitdown."

LOL!

And I thought a Holiday Shitdown was what happened about five hours after Thanksgiving dinner!

-EarlJam

Also, one thought to bear in mind is that it is most likely best to be shitting down,
as opposed to shitting up.



I believe this to be shitting sideways.

[ArkieDukie]

Uh oh ... the documents I thought I copied to my memory stick aren't there. Wonder where I copied them to? Will have to sneak in tomorrow to see if I can find them.

[DukePA]

She lives in Nantucket! Let the limericks begin!

There once was a store on Nantucket
That stocked pig food in a bucket.

The smell was so rancid
Roy became flaccid

[OZZIE4DUKE]

She lives in Nantucket! Let the limericks begin!

There once was a store on Nantucket
That stocked pig food in a bucket.

The smell was so rancid
Roy became flaccid

[devildeac]

She lives in Nantucket! Let the limericks begin!

There once was a store on Nantucket
That stocked pig food in a bucket.

The smell was so rancid
Roy became flaccid

And told all his fans they could suck it.