Wants and Needs

[DukieInKansas]

I'm siding with the creepy and weird side.

However, TNTDevil, will you please come visit me for a few days and teach me how to be organized?

[OZZIE4DUKE]

I'm siding with the creepy and weird side.

However, TNTDevil, will you please come visit me for a few days and teach me how to be organized?

My wife has three sisters. One of them can walk into a room, wave her hands (or does she twitch her nose?) and everything is clean and organized. At least two of the other 4 girls do NOT have that talent. They have a thread on Facebook discussing just this topic as we speak. Strange coincidence?

[devildeac]

While I wouldn't dare to second-guess Duke PA's expert diagnosis, couldn't it just be that the dude has an overly developed sense of order?

I mean I can understand Earlo de Jamo being freaked out but, my guess is that if examined more closely, EJ's discomfort may just stem from the fact that he's (probably) been on his own for quite some time and coming home to find his possessions cleaned, pressed, organized, etc. brought back those long dormant "living under the parent's roof" feelings?

Or not.WTF do I know?

However, in defense of your landlord/roommate, I can understand his actions. While there is a component of "invaded privacy" I don't see it from EJ's recounting. It's probably just a case of where he had those "orphaned" socks and it tripped a switch (one which I have) causing him to want to reunite the the pairs. Upon entering the room, he found it um... er... a wee bit "disorganized" (?) and, upon discovering this, he decided to do you a solid by cleaning up, organizing and doing your laundry. (He probably didn't have everything dry-cleaned but professionally laundered.)

The guy must like ya' to do you such a favor. If he didn't he would have just thrown the socks into your room or left 'em hangin' on the door knob.

Full disclosure: Based on EJ's description, I'm very much like this guy (even in my social retardedness). I loathe disorganization. I was raised under the "a place for everything and everything in its place" theory. My level of organization intimidates and frustrates my wife to no end. My kitchen is laid out like a surgical theater (I guess DD would have to come over and validate that claim). I've been known to perform Extreme Makeovers in kitchens of home's I'm visiting.

So yeah, I can see it from the the landlord/roommate perspective.

You cook, I'll eat and validate.

Time?
Date?
Address?

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

I must confess to lilly-livered-ness. I immediately saw the other side of EJ's complaint. I just didn't have the guts to be the first to say so. Now the flood gates are open. (thanks TNT)

Truth is, I live with two of the most disorganized, messy people on the planet......PLUS their two labrador retrievers!!! It's all I can do to keep my head above water (debris) around here. I can get everything back in shape were we can find everything and the place is fairly sanitary only to realize I'm really outnumbered and it's just futile. Every once in a while, I tear into their piles like a woman possessed. Nothing is sacred. I clean from stem to stern. They just can't understand why it gets to me......but, that's their problem. Without me in the picture the National Guard would have to come in with blood hounds to find them underneath it all.

I remember one time when the school sent a photographer in to take the OP's picture, they had to use somebody else's office 'cause they couldn't see him behind his own desk! That's because his Duke office is not in my jurisdiction.

EJ. sorry to tell ya bud, but if it's the other guy's digs, you just gotta go along with his whims or hit the road without belly achin'.. If I sound like your mother..... it figures. It's what I do.

Love, Ima

PS I just read that the first line of defense against the invasion of bed bugs is keeping your cave free of clutter....and everything off the floor. So you can't blame him for that. Just sayin'.

[EarlJam]

EJ. sorry to tell ya bud, but if it's the other guy's digs, you just gotta go along with his whims or hit the road without belly achin'.. If I sound like your mother..... it figures. It's what I do.

Love, Ima

First of all, I KNOW it's his place. I KNOW he has every right to come into my room and go through everything. I never....NEVER.....said he didn't. Hell, he has the right to come in and fondle himself in front of me if he wants. By the way, don't know how messy your peeps are, but my room wasn't that bad. Just a bunch of clothes. But I'm talking about a little fucking social tact here. Before going through all my personal stuff, and before going through my dirty socks and underwear and such, is a phone call too much to ask? I'm surprised at your opinion but I respect it. Just can't believe you would defend that.

But something tells me that if I were renting a room to you, you wouldn't particularly be thrilled about me going through all your panties and stockings and drawers and things without your knowing while you were gone for days.

"Gosh, she sure doesn't have a lot of matching panties and bras!"

Oh, and while I was at it, I'd go through your money and credit cards and organize them to my liking. But you know what? I'd have that right, so if you didn't like it you could just hit the road and quit your belly achin'!

Love,

-EarlJam

[EarlJam]

I've thought about this a little more and just want to apologize.

My "landlord" owns the place. And as Ima and TNT Devil have stated, this makes it perfectly okay for him to furtively enter my room while I'm gone, and meticulously go through my clean and dirty underwear with his hands and my money drawer to organize it to his liking. I now don't find that strange at all.

Again, I apologize.

-EarlJam

[indoor66]

I've thought about this a little more and just want to apologize.

My "landlord" owns the place. And as Ima and TNT Devil have stated, this makes it perfectly okay for him to furtively enter my room while I'm gone, and meticulously go through my clean and dirty underwear with his hands and my money drawer to organize it to his liking. I now don't find that strange at all.

Again, I apologize.

-EarlJam

Actually, if you rent the room from him I doubt that he has any right to go through your things. As landlord he might have the right to look in the door to be sure that there is nothing that places the remainder of the place at risk for damage or destruction, but that right does not permit him enter and to rifle through your belongings. It possible that crime or tort was committed.

[EarlJam]

I've thought about this a little more and just want to apologize.

My "landlord" owns the place. And as Ima and TNT Devil have stated, this makes it perfectly okay for him to furtively enter my room while I'm gone, and meticulously go through my clean and dirty underwear with his hands and my money drawer to organize it to his liking. I now don't find that strange at all.

Again, I apologize.

-EarlJam

Actually, if you rent the room from him I doubt that he has any right to go through your things. As landlord he might have the right to look in the door to be sure that there is nothing that places the remainder of the place at risk for damage or destruction, but that right does not permit him enter and to rifle through your belongings. It possible that crime or tort was committed.

I agree in principle (I have NO idea about the legalities). I was totally being sarcastic but thank you (and I really mean that) for the validation. I find it insane. But a couple posters here seem to think that just because the person owns the place, they can violate any and all of your possessions. This blows my mind. In essence, I am a customer, and I pay him quite a bit each month. Sneaking in the room to go through my laundry and money and bed, etc. is NOT good 'customer service." And here's the deal. It's not just him. There is a third roommate. This guy told me yesterday, "Yeah, I came in and Mike was holding all your socks and said, 'Wow, he has a ton of mismatch socks!' What's up with that?" I retorted, "Yes, I have mismatched socks, but I'm more freaked out by the fact that while I was gone, you two were playing with my laundry, my underwear and having fun with it together and you seem to think that's perfectly normal!" I apologize to TNT and IMA, but I just find that a tad odd. I'm not just "bellyaching" for "bellyaching" sake. I've begun looking for other places today. Now that I have a job, I want to find my own place again.


-EarlJam

[lawgrad91]

Do you have a written lease, EJ?

[EarlJam]

Do you have a written lease, EJ?

No, and again, I like the guy. I like my conditions overall. But this "event" just blew me away, you know?

How about a simple phone call saying, "Hey man, I'm doing some cleaning around here and just wanted to let you know I'll be going in your room. Is that cool?"

That's what I'd do.

Lawgrad, what are your thoughts here?

-EJ

[CathyCA]

I have rented a room from someone before. It was in the summer when I was in law school. I had a reasonable expectation that my landlady wouldn't come in to my room while I was gone. I was responsible for cleaning my own bathroom and room. I don't think that my landlady ever came in to my room, but I was conscientious about making the bed and keeping things picked up before I left for my job in the mornings.

I would have been a little freaked if she'd come in and done my laundry while I was out.

[lawgrad91]

If you have a written lease, then it's pretty cut-and-dried. A landlord cannot go into a resident's location without permission or without written notice (absent an actual emergency).

Without a lease, it's a bit more murky, and admittedly, real estate isn't my cup of tea. In your situation, though, I think he overstepped his bounds unless your room was so bad that there were roaches or other vermin. Otherwise, he should have called you and asked permission, or (better yet) just stayed out. If he's renting you a room, as I see it, you have exclusive possession of that room. Further, it's your stuff he's messing around with. Even if it's his residence, the items are not his. As I recall, we all learned in kindergarten not to play with toys that belonged to other people, unless they said it was okay.

I would get the hell out of Dodge.

[EarlJam]

I have rented a room from someone before. It was in the summer when I was in law school. I had a reasonable expectation that my landlady wouldn't come in to my room while I was gone. I was responsible for cleaning my own bathroom and room. I don't think that my landlady ever came in to my room, but I was conscientious about making the bed and keeping things picked up before I left for my job in the mornings.

I would have been a little freaked if she'd come in and done my laundry while I was out.

Agreed, and that's what I try to do. Yes, I am NOT Type A. However, I always keep the "living areas" very clean and clean the kitchen all the time. To me, be it right or wrong, I have a mindset of, "your bedroom can be so-so, but the living or Public areas must be kept clean at all times."

But enough of that. I don't want to alter the course of discussion here. The question is, "Is it perfectly okay for your landlord, the person you pay monthly to without ever missing a payment, to sneak (and yes, it was a sneaking) into your room, handle your money, your dirty and clean socks, your dirty and clean boxers, your bedsheets and everything else and even share with the other roomate? Is that okay? Amazingly enough, some posters think so. I beg to differ.

-EarlJam

[EarlJam]

If you have a written lease, then it's pretty cut-and-dried. A landlord cannot go into a resident's location without permission or without written notice (absent an actual emergency).

Without a lease, it's a bit more murky, and admittedly, real estate isn't my cup of tea. In your situation, though, I think he overstepped his bounds unless your room was so bad that there were roaches or other vermin. Otherwise, he should have called you and asked permission, or (better yet) just stayed out. If he's renting you a room, as I see it, you have exclusive possession of that room. Further, it's your stuff he's messing around with. Even if it's his residence, the items are not his. As I recall, we all learned in kindergarten not to play with toys that belonged to other people, unless they said it was okay.

I would get the hell out of Dodge.

Thanks Lawgrad. And believe me, my room was Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from having roaches, vermin, and other thingies. It was clean, minus the clothing. I admit there was a ton of clothing lying around. But ZERO dishes, food, blood, flesh, etc.

Seriously, the room was okay.

Pete, my other roommate told me, "It's cool. He actually once washed and detailed my car without my permission." I am NOT kidding here.

Damn. Just damn.

-EJ

[colchar]

Was he maybe trying to tell you, in his own spceial way, that he thinks you're a slob? Not saying you are, just that he might think that.

[colchar]

His dad was a Catholic priest.

Ummm, Catholic priests can't marry. WTF?

[TNTDevil]

First of all, I KNOW it's his place. I KNOW he has every right to come into my room and go through everything. I never....NEVER.....said he didn't. Hell, he has the right to come in and fondle himself in front of me if he wants. By the way, don't know how messy your peeps are, but my room wasn't that bad. Just a bunch of clothes. But I'm talking about a little fucking social tact here. Before going through all my personal stuff, and before going through my dirty socks and underwear and such, is a phone call too much to ask? I'm surprised at your opinion but I respect it. Just can't believe you would defend that.

In your OP you stated the guy was socially inept. Now your shocked that he didn't handle something in the same manner as your suave and debonair self- sheesh! And, WADR, you make it sound perverse when, in reality, it was probably anything but... there's nothing really erotic about rounding up all your dirty laundry, sheets, etc. and taking them to a "Wash & Fold" laundry. He didn't do your laundry himself, he paid someone to do the task.

And, FTR, I wasn't "defending" what he did, I was trying to explain it so you wouldn't be so "creeped out".

But something tells me that if I were renting a room to you, you wouldn't particularly be thrilled about me going through all your panties and stockings and drawers and things without your knowing while you were gone for days.

You might have "expected" privacy but, to this point, you haven't indicated that you had explicitly requested same. You have no lease. Was your door locked? Had you, in previous conversations, said: "I would appreciate if you wouldn't enter my room when I'm not here or without my permission."? So we're back to my earlier point- someone you identify as lacking social skills performed in exactly that way; and you're surprised.

"Gosh, she sure doesn't have a lot of matching panties and bras!"

Yeah my wife keeps stealing all my cute ensembles! ;)

Oh, and while I was at it, I'd go through your money and credit cards and organize them to my liking. But you know what? I'd have that right, so if you didn't like it you could just hit the road and quit your belly achin'!
Love,
-EarlJam

I apologize. I didn't read where he balanced your checkbook. WTF?!? You said earlier he put some loose change in some cups on your bedside table. Now, it's expanded to cash and credit cards. Did he steal your PIN? Smoke your weed? Tap your phone?

I mean seriously, you're now amping up your claims to make the guy seem devious. However, he didn't really do anything clandestine. Doing your laundry and leaving it stacked neatly on your freshly made bed, then tidying your room aren't really in the How to be a Master Jewel Thief guidebook. In fact, I'm betting that he put the coins in a cup to a) dust and; b) demonstrate that all your change is still where you left it.

Look dude, I'm not tryin' to pick a fight. I'm just saying that you are in an informal tenant/landlord relationship (I''m not speaking legally as IANAL) and the guy over-stepped his bounds in trying to do you a favor. You may be weirded out but, I don't think there's anything really here about which to make such a fuss.

You're a big boy now- FIDO. (Fuck It and Drive On)
Peace-
TNT

[bjornolf]

I'd be freaked out too if that happened with now warning, but from the description of the incident, I would definitely hire him for our house!

[EarlJam]

For a very few, this obviously falls under the category of, "You just had to be there."

I've stated that 1) I like the guy and 2)I DO find it difficult to be angry, as I DO see how he thought he was doing me a favor. But let me make one thing perfectly clear (again). The room was NOT in bad condition. If you are a super anal freak X a thousand, okay, then maybe so. Ah screw it. What's the use? I'll have my own place again soon anyway.

Besides, he's dead now. I need to review the old post on how to clean blood from the walls, carpet.

-EarlJam

[EarlJam]

...in the same manner as your suave and debonair self...

Aw, shucks.

Thanks though! And when might you be inviting me over for tea?

-EJ