You can't make this stuff up!

[lawgrad91]

If your county sheriff’s office sends its most seasoned criminal investigator out to determine who had sex on the bags of mulch in front of the Food Lion, and who posted it on social media, you might work on Varnish County.

No word if it was hardwood mulch….

This goes to court tomorrow (charge is misdemeanor indecent exposure). Coworker Josh told me that the parties were never able to make bond, and apparently are pleading guilty tomorrow to a sentence of time served.

They have served sixty-nine days.

Sounds like the defendant should get a bong, a pink vibrator, and a charging cord as part of the deal.

Just sayin’ - you can tie up two cases with one deal.

I am known throughout the bar for my efficiency. This is a perfect idea. Thanks OPK!

[lawgrad91]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

[ArkieDukie]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

Just getting caught up. Seriously, you should write a book.

[OPK]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

Direct: “Who’s a good witness? Yeah, who’s a good witness?”

Cross: “is t it true that Mr. defendant gives you treats when he is happy with you? Do you expect this jury to believe you are barking the truth?”

(Meanwhile, the bailiff hears: “What? Little Jimmy fell down the well? Take me to her, girl!”)

[ArkieDukie]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

Direct: “Who’s a good witness? Yeah, who’s a good witness?”

Cross: “is t it true that Mr. defendant gives you treats when he is happy with you? Do you expect this jury to believe you are barking the truth?”

(Meanwhile, the bailiff hears: “What? Little Jimmy fell down the well? Take me to her, girl!”)

Thanks for the much needed laugh! You should totally do this, lawgrad.

[OPK]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

Direct: “Who’s a good witness? Yeah, who’s a good witness?”

Cross: “is t it true that Mr. defendant gives you treats when he is happy with you? Do you expect this jury to believe you are barking the truth?”

(Meanwhile, the bailiff hears: “What? Little Jimmy fell down the well? Take me to her, girl!”)

Thanks for the much needed laugh! You should totally do this, lawgrad.

I had a case that involved storm water runoff, and the plaintiff claimed to have a dog that was trained to detect excessive levels of fecal coliform in the storm water. Or as we called it, “her shit-sniffing dog.”

Plaintiffs wanted to introduce evidence of the handler’s interpretation of dog’s “detection” of waste. I moved in limine to exclude it on the grounds of hearsay (an out of court statement by a different witness offered to prove the truth of the statement, without the ability to cross-examine the declarant — in this case, the dog).

We actually argued the motion, but the court granted me judgment on the whole case before ruling on the motion. I’ve been meaning to ask the judge his thoughts on the matter, but I am concerned that he might not be as amused as I was about it.

[lawgrad91]

I'm setting cases today. Dude just came in for a dog running at large. He said, "I'm not guilty. The dog is at work." When the judge said he was going to set it for a later date, he asked, "Should I bring the dog?"

Direct: “Who’s a good witness? Yeah, who’s a good witness?”

Cross: “is t it true that Mr. defendant gives you treats when he is happy with you? Do you expect this jury to believe you are barking the truth?”

(Meanwhile, the bailiff hears: “What? Little Jimmy fell down the well? Take me to her, girl!”)

Thanks for the much needed laugh! You should totally do this, lawgrad.

It is possible that Pebbles the Aussie Shepherd could have been at work. I am going to line up my friend Sally, who literally judges sheep herding, if I need an expert witness.

[lawgrad91]

Direct: “Who’s a good witness? Yeah, who’s a good witness?”

Cross: “is t it true that Mr. defendant gives you treats when he is happy with you? Do you expect this jury to believe you are barking the truth?”

(Meanwhile, the bailiff hears: “What? Little Jimmy fell down the well? Take me to her, girl!”)

Thanks for the much needed laugh! You should totally do this, lawgrad.

I had a case that involved storm water runoff, and the plaintiff claimed to have a dog that was trained to detect excessive levels of fecal coliform in the storm water. Or as we called it, “her shit-sniffing dog.”

Plaintiffs wanted to introduce evidence of the handler’s interpretation of dog’s “detection” of waste. I moved in limine to exclude it on the grounds of hearsay (an out of court statement by a different witness offered to prove the truth of the statement, without the ability to cross-examine the declarant — in this case, the dog).

We actually argued the motion, but the court granted me judgment on the whole case before ruling on the motion. I’ve been meaning to ask the judge his thoughts on the matter, but I am concerned that he might not be as amused as I was about it.

Truly a story one cannot make up. to you, OPK!

[OPK]

Thanks for the much needed laugh! You should totally do this, lawgrad.

I had a case that involved storm water runoff, and the plaintiff claimed to have a dog that was trained to detect excessive levels of fecal coliform in the storm water. Or as we called it, “her shit-sniffing dog.”

Plaintiffs wanted to introduce evidence of the handler’s interpretation of dog’s “detection” of waste. I moved in limine to exclude it on the grounds of hearsay (an out of court statement by a different witness offered to prove the truth of the statement, without the ability to cross-examine the declarant — in this case, the dog).

We actually argued the motion, but the court granted me judgment on the whole case before ruling on the motion. I’ve been meaning to ask the judge his thoughts on the matter, but I am concerned that he might not be as amused as I was about it.

Truly a story one cannot make up. to you, OPK!

Having done it long enough to not really care is somewhat liberating, I’m not gonna lie.

[lawgrad91]

[quote=OPK post_id=208101 time=1722302970 user_id=
Having done it long enough to not really care is somewhat liberating, I’m not gonna lie.
[/quote]

I’ve been in Varnish County 27 years and 7 months today. Totally agree.

[OPK]

I’ve been in Varnish County 27 years and 7 months today. Totally agree.

Congrats! This upcoming Monday marks the start of my 34rd year at The Firm. I’m much closer to the end than the beginning for sure.

[lawgrad91]

I’ve been in Varnish County 27 years and 7 months today. Totally agree.

Congrats! This upcoming Monday marks the start of my 34rd year at The Firm. I’m much closer to the end than the beginning for sure.

Congratulations!

[lawgrad91]

Circuit Court Judge: "Sir, you are charged with DWI, and you want to set your case for trial, is that correct?"
Defendant: "No, I'm charged with DUI, not DWI."
Judge: "What's the difference?"
Defendant: "Oh."

[lawgrad91]

It was a full moon in the Varnish Zone yesterday.

The defense attorney chair (they sit in the chair closest to the court; defendants sometimes lose control in the other chair, so the bailiffs don't let attorneys sit in that one, unless they are mad at a given lawyer) snapped off yesterday when one of the elder statesmen of the county bar leaned back in it.

It's past time to buy new chairs. Those things were original to the courthouse.

I was looking for another post, and I found this one.

The county replaced the chairs LAST WEEK. I guess they decided the chairs just wouldn't make it to 28.

[lawgrad91]

(In keeping with the chair motif...)

Ellie May the office manager had the local office supply place make a service call to the office this morning.
Apparently there was a screw loose in a secretary's chair and such difficult repairs are best left to the experts.

[Phredd3]

(In keeping with the chair motif...)

Ellie May the office manager had the local office supply place make a service call to the office this morning.
Apparently there was a screw loose in a secretary's chair and such difficult repairs are best left to the experts.

You're being literal, not metaphorical, right?

[OPK]

(In keeping with the chair motif...)

Ellie May the office manager had the local office supply place make a service call to the office this morning.
Apparently there was a screw loose in a secretary's chair and such difficult repairs are best left to the experts.

You're being literal, not metaphorical, right?

My assistant always tells me, when I complain about my computer not working, that “there must be a nut loose on the keyboard.”

[lawgrad91]

(In keeping with the chair motif...)

Ellie May the office manager had the local office supply place make a service call to the office this morning.
Apparently there was a screw loose in a secretary's chair and such difficult repairs are best left to the experts.

You're being literal, not metaphorical, right?

My assistant always tells me, when I complain about my computer not working, that “there must be a nut loose on the keyboard.”

That's what I said to the Rev LG last Sunday when he couldn't get his computer to behave and couldn't get his sermon to print.

Apparently it was not the thing to have said....

[lawgrad91]

(In keeping with the chair motif...)

Ellie May the office manager had the local office supply place make a service call to the office this morning.
Apparently there was a screw loose in a secretary's chair and such difficult repairs are best left to the experts.

You're being literal, not metaphorical, right?

Three of the office staff (of a total of five) have been out with COVID all week.

Things are humming along nicely. Everyone is getting along, no one is snapping at each other.

[OPK]

You're being literal, not metaphorical, right?

My assistant always tells me, when I complain about my computer not working, that “there must be a nut loose on the keyboard.”

That's what I said to the Rev LG last Sunday when he couldn't get his computer to behave and couldn't get his sermon to print.

Apparently it was not the thing to have said....

“Behold, we call them blessed that endured: ye have heard of the patience of Job….”