Jokes

[IowaDevil]

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Time for a laugh!

[mattman91]

What happened when the communist started his car?

It kept Stalin.

[mattman91]

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she had slept with.

She said yes “all the other guys were at least a seven or an eight”

[lawgrad91]

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she had slept with.

She said yes “all the other guys were at least a seven or an eight”

Just spit water all over my keyboard.

If this were several years ago, before I got fed up with OY and you got banned, I would spork you.

[mattman91]

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she had slept with.

She said yes “all the other guys were at least a seven or an eight”

Just spit water all over my keyboard.

If this were several years ago, before I got fed up with OY and you got banned, I would spork you.

OY is overrated. This place is where it is at!

mattman "OY Banned List Class of 2020" 91

[lawgrad91]

OY is overrated. This place is where it is at!

mattman "OY Banned List Class of 2020" 91

[Nrrrrvous]

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

[CameronBornAndBred]

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

I remember my grandfather's last words. "A truck!"

[Phredd3]

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

I remember my grandfather's last words. "A truck!"

It was the drink that killed him.
He was an alcoholic?
No, he was hit by a Guinness truck.

(cue another thread)

[OZZIE4DUKE]

A little golf humor:


A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked! He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood." The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

[fuse]

Mushroom walks in to a bar.

Bartender says, “Sorry, fella, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Mushroom: “Hey, why not? I’m just a fun guy.”

[Nrrrrvous]

Mushroom walks in to a bar.

Bartender says, “Sorry, fella, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Mushroom: “Hey, why not? I’m just a fun guy.”

And the Morel of the story is?

[Nrrrrvous]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

[CameronBornAndBred]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

When life gives me melons, I tend to turn them into paintings.

[fuse]

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

[Nrrrrvous]

How do you get a Tarheel off of your front porch?


Pay him for the pizza.

[devildeac]

Today, if a ghost is wearing a large, white, cotton polyester covering typically found on a mattress, what do you call that?

[richardjackson199]

Today, if a ghost is wearing a large, white, cotton polyester covering typically found on a mattress, what do you call that?

OPK's last minute costume?

[OPK]

Today, if a ghost is wearing a large, white, cotton polyester covering typically found on a mattress, what do you call that?

OPK's last minute costume?

Nice!

A friend told me last night that when she was in college, she put on a turquoise dress and taped tampons all over it.

She was going as Picasso’s Blue Period.

(not sure I should pass that along, certainly won’t OY).

[OPK]

(sorry, duplicate post)