You can't make this stuff up!

[CathyCA]

I am the lead for an effort to produce some specific project documents. We have a template that dictates all the information that must be included. In looking over someone else's documents I pointed out that some sections were not complete. Her response was that she skipped those so she could be sure the docs were ready for review...

I second those emojis:

[devildeac]

Sent from our son this AM during morning rounds:

Patient's allergies: oxygen (causes rash)

His comment to me: Send this patient to Mars! STAT!

[lawgrad91]

Next week a guy is contesting a parking ticket for parking in a handicapped space without a placard.

His written explanation is that his client is very weak due to being on "dialisa."

[CathyCA]

Is "dialisa" like having two of these?

[lawgrad91]

Is "dialisa" like having two of these?

I do believe so!

[lawgrad91]

Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"

Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.

And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.

[devildeac]

Is "dialisa" like having two of these?

I thought it was more like having a girl friend named Lisa and calling her on the phone. (You know, like you used to do on a rotary phone.)

[CathyCA]

Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"

Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.

And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.

At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.

[August West]

Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"

Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.

And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.

At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.

I want to jump up and run to the beach too! AW

[CathyCA]

Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"

Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.

And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.

At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.

I want to jump up and run to the beach too! AW

LOL Such an unfortunate typo.

Bench. Bench. Bench.

The N and the A are nowhere near each other on the keyboard. I wonder how I made that typo?

[DukePA]

At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.

I want to jump up and run to the beach too! AW

LOL Such an unfortunate typo.

Bench. Bench. Bench.

The N and the A are nowhere near each other on the keyboard. I wonder how I made that typo?

Sounds like an idyllic Freudian slip

[lawgrad91]

Victim: "Defendant called me a snitch!"

Defendant: "I didn't call him a SNITCH, I called him a BITCH!"

[IowaDevil]

Victim: "Defendant called me a snitch!"

Defendant: "I didn't call him a SNITCH, I called him a BITCH!"

One more for that book you're writing!

[CathyCA]

Heard during felony assault trial:

Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"

Defendant: "A wife-beater."

Court reporter visibly chuckles.

(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)

[lawgrad91]

Heard during felony assault trial:

Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"

Defendant: "A wife-beater."

Court reporter visibly chuckles.

(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)

Just spit water all over keyboard and monitor.

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

Ohhhh MAN!
Love, Ima

[DukePA]

Heard during felony assault trial:

Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"

Defendant: "A wife-beater."

Court reporter visibly chuckles.

(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)

Bwahahaha!!! "But I'm innocent, yer honor!"

[windsor]

Heard during felony assault trial:

Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"

Defendant: "A wife-beater."

Court reporter visibly chuckles.

(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)

Because nothing says "i take my court appearance seriously' like wearing a 'beater'.

[lawgrad91]

Pro tip: when you are in court to support a defendant, it isn't good practice, unless you like being in the cell with said defendant, to call the Commonwealth's witness a "snitching a**hole." In open court. Loud enough for the prosecutor to hear it clearly and the bailiff to point out the transgressor.

[DukePA]

Pro tip: when you are in court to support a defendant, it isn't good practice, unless you like being in the cell with said defendant, to call the Commonwealth's witness a "snitching a**hole." In open court. Loud enough for the prosecutor to hear it clearly and the bailiff to point out the transgressor.

Ooooooh!!! Someone is lucky he, or she, did not to get bitch slapped!!!