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As you know, I spent the past 2 weeks back home, helping take care of my mom. I felt like I was able to do a lot of good, especially the second week. I figured out several things that were making her anxious and uncomfortable, and worked to change the environment. Certain types of TV shows and commercials bothered her (violence, illness, loud noises), and my sister-in-law found something that kept her comfortable and happy: religious channels. I found a couple that she especially liked, and I switched back and forth between them. Also, we had been overfeeding her in the middle of the day, and it was causing her pain. She was having pain in general and we were not treating it. Since she cannot communicate, distinguishing pain and anxiety is a bit tricky. We're erring on the side of pain now, whereas before we were always treating it as anxiety. In general, she has been fairly comfortable for the past few days, and even had a couple of days where she was happy and peaceful all day.

I came back to the island yesterday, with the intention of working another 2 weeks and then heading back. Based on what my younger sister is saying now, I may need to head back sooner. Mom has stopped eating and, according to my sister, she's aware of what she's doing and is ready to go. They have asked her flat-out if she's ready to go and she beams. I am more than okay with this; frontotemporal dementia is evil and I'm ready for her suffering to stop. I think most of the family is on the same page here. I'm really feeling compelled to head back sooner rather than later in order to provide moral support for my dad (and my mom, too, to some extent). I told her good-bye before I left, and I think she said the same to me in her own way. My SIL, who is a nurse, says that next weekend will be soon enough, so that will be my latest target. With that being said, I'm going to be ready to drop everything and go sooner if I need to. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate much at work, but the distraction might be good for me. I'm going to move up as many things as I can and head out sooner rather than later. Please pray for us all, especially my dad, who has done a heroic job of taking care of her for the past several years.

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time, ArkieDukie.

Prayers for all of you during this difficult time, AD.

You and your entire family are in my thoughts.

I have walked that path with my grandmother and mother in law.
(Hugs)

Prayers for you and all of your family during these tough times

So sorry to hear, vibing away.

Hi AD. So sorry to hear about all this. Here's an article I just read that is so beautiful. I think it's what you will take some comfort in reading. I hope the link works or that you can copy and paste.

Everybody hug somebody!
Love, Ima


https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-know-y ... profeta-md.

My heart aches for you, AD. You and your family remain in my prayers.

You an your family are in my thoughts, AD.

Keeping your whole family in my thoughts and prayers, AD.

May she go quickly, AD. }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and the family. Bless all of you,

Much love, many hugs and tons of vibes to you and your family, AD Sis.

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Ima Facultiwyfe wrote:Hi AD. So sorry to hear about all this. Here's an article I just read that is so beautiful. I think it's what you will take some comfort in reading. I hope the link works or that you can copy and paste.

Everybody hug somebody!
Love, Ima


https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-know-y ... profeta-md.

Thanks for the link, Ima. Truly beautiful, and this is my family's philosophy. She's at home, and we're doing our best to keep her happy and comfortable.

Thanks, everyone! Your thoughts and prayers are truly appreciated. After I wrote my initial post, I learned that my sister-in-law is estimating that my mom has around 10 days left. She isn't eating or drinking any more. However, she is happy and comfortable. That's the best we can ask for. My younger sister posted pictures today on Facebook, and mom looks even better than she did when I left on Saturday. Dad has even commented on how much happier she has looked over the last few days. All in all, I'll take it.

I'm making arrangements to go back to AR on Saturday, and I can really leave earlier if needed. I'm so thankful that I was there for the last 2 weeks; I feel like I was able to contribute to her overall happiness/comfort at this point. It's really amazing what a change in TV channels and addition of pain meds will do.

If you haven't read Final Gifts http://maggiecallanan.com/finalgifts.htm I recommend it for anyone with a loved one that is facing the end of life. From a description of the book: "Filled with practical advice on responding to the requests of the dying and helping them prepare emotionally and spiritually for death, Final Gifts shows how we can help the dying person live fully to the very end."

From personal experience, I don't recommend reading it as you sit in the room with your loved one. It lead to a lot of crying for me but I'm very glad I read it.

Enjoy your days with your mother. It sounds like you gave her the gift of peace while you were there.

Vibes, prayers, and kind thoughts to AD and the family.

On the book list, I read Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal" over the holidays. Ho ho ho. I recommend it also, although it deals more with medical intervention late in life rather than Altzheimers. But it also asks the question of how we really live at the end of our journey, and what we mean by "living."

All sorts of thoughts and vibes heading your way, Arkie!!

My sister-in-law called last night to let me know that Mom's time is growing shorter. I did laundry and packed so I could leave early this morning. Just made it to the farm in AR. Mom is still with us but is fading.

ArkieDukie wrote:My sister-in-law called last night to let me know that Mom's time is growing shorter. I did laundry and packed so I could leave early this morning. Just made it to the farm in AR. Mom is still with us but is fading.

AD, we love you and are with you in spirit. Prayers and vibes and many good thoughts and wishes.

Being there at the end is tough, but you will never regret it.