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At long last, after many requests, here it is: the "What Would Windsor Do?" thread! Windsor rocks, as we all know. We have also learned that you don't want to mess with Windsor. She's our she-ro. Speaking only for myself, I want to be like her when I grow up. So, this thread will allow us to ask windsor's advice on professional matters and learn at the feet of the master, so to speak.

I'll start things off. If you read the infamous "dilemma" thread, you know the latest situation I face: the lab was restructured as a result of a very prestigious grant (only 5 awarded out of 70 applicants). I played a pretty big role, IMO, in generating preliminary data for the grant - in fact, I had to cancel my planned vacation last fall that included a trip to Brunchgate. Also had to cancel plans over several weekends in order to generate supplemental data. The thanks I got for my efforts? I was left out of the project completely. I say "left out" because I was listed as essential personnel in the grant. A new hire who has been in the lab for 3 months got a promotion and got my spot on the project. Her experience in our research field? 3 months. I found all of this out via e-mail while I was out of town. Oh-so-convenient timing by my boss, but that's another matter altogether.

Now for the question: how do I handle the colleagues who received promotions and were included in the project? Do I offer them congratulations or do I leave it alone? To say that I don't like the new person is an understatement of epic proportions, but it's not because she was rewarded for my work: based upon an incident shortly after she joined the lab in which she tried to make me look bad with the boss after I tried to help her with an instrument problem, I have pegged her as the Cutthroat B!tch type. She reminds me in many ways of Supervisor Barbie, so I'll call her NuBarbie. Based upon her general b!tchy attitude toward me, I cannot sincerely offer her any sort of contratulations. The others, I can, but I don't want them to feel awkward because of the fact that I was left out. And it WILL be awkward. So, how do I approach this? Send a gracious, congratulatory group e-mail to the lucky chosen ones, copying my boss? Gracious congratulatory note to all, not copying the boss? Individual notes to each, but not NuBarbie? WWWD?

No pressure or anything, huh Windsor?!
Love, Ima

I go to a dog show for the weekend and come back to my own thread! I am deeply honored. I hope I can live up to the lofty expectations!

So, quickly (since I have much work to catch up on!) to the problem of the day. You don't congratulate NuBarbie. You wish her 'good luck' with a sweet smile and a tone that says 'you are sooooo f-ed on this one moron'. Congratulate the rest of the co workers, but NuBarbie is a 'good luck'.

windsor wrote:I go to a dog show for the weekend and come back to my own thread! I am deeply honored. I hope I can live up to the lofty expectations!

So, quickly (since I have much work to catch up on!) to the problem of the day. You don't congratulate NuBarbie. You wish her 'good luck' with a sweet smile and a tone that says 'you are sooooo f-ed on this one moron'. Congratulate the rest of the co workers, but NuBarbie is a 'good luck'.

"Good luck" with just a touch of deeply embedded sarcasm, perhaps?

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:

windsor wrote:I go to a dog show for the weekend and come back to my own thread! I am deeply honored. I hope I can live up to the lofty expectations!

So, quickly (since I have much work to catch up on!) to the problem of the day. You don't congratulate NuBarbie. You wish her 'good luck' with a sweet smile and a tone that says 'you are sooooo f-ed on this one moron'. Congratulate the rest of the co workers, but NuBarbie is a 'good luck'.

"Good luck" with just a touch of deeply embedded sarcasm, perhaps?

oh you know that's true...that's my fallback line when dumb clucks embark are ready to jump on the stupid train and won't listen...

windsor wrote:

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:

windsor wrote:I go to a dog show for the weekend and come back to my own thread! I am deeply honored. I hope I can live up to the lofty expectations!

So, quickly (since I have much work to catch up on!) to the problem of the day. You don't congratulate NuBarbie. You wish her 'good luck' with a sweet smile and a tone that says 'you are sooooo f-ed on this one moron'. Congratulate the rest of the co workers, but NuBarbie is a 'good luck'.

"Good luck" with just a touch of deeply embedded sarcasm, perhaps?

oh you know that's true...that's my fallback line when dumb clucks embark are ready to jump on the stupid train and won't listen...

I think I'll use "good luck" as my closer on the e-mail to PPI when I say "thanks but no thanks" to having my name on the manuscript.

My contribution to the "WWWD?" thread....

I have worked in the varnish zone 14+ years. For about twelve of those years I have worked with the office Midget Pervert. (Let's call him MP, shall we?) He's 5'4" on a good day, and is a good attorney when he wants to be, which isn't very often. Mostly he is a malingerer, backbiter, brown-noser, and whiner. He leaves early because he's sick and then goes to his kids' school functions. (For the record, this office is sufficiently loose that if he didn't have court, he could leave for a school function and no one would fuss.) He calls PHB vile names behind his back, then runs to him at every opportunity to ask him what he should do about a case. He complains that the attorneys at the US Attorney's office do none of their own typing (we do almost all of ours). He can't give straight answers to questions posed to him by defense attorneys or police officers; the standard answer is, "Let me ask [PHB] and get back to you," but he never does. On two different occasions, he has been caught with pornography (not case-related) on his office computer. (Awkward moment; the secretaries looked at his computer once when he was in court, then came and asked me, "What does MILF mean?" ) Nonetheless, the last time I saw salaries for the office, he was the second-highest-paid employee, after PHB himself. The county HR manager (a friend from Weight Watchers) will only comment that MP is still around cuz PHB won't do anything about him.

MP is in Miami this week and next. From what I can gather, he did NOTHING to make sure his cases were prepared, which is his usual pattern. Several of us have ranted and raved about this in the past, to no effect.

Monday afternoon I have a bond hearing in Circuit Court, on this nasty felon who did unspeakable things to his own minor kids, and also had three firearms in his house. I had the firearms cases, MP had the sex cases. My cases were in the computer, MP's were not, despite the fact that his preliminary hearing occurred four weeks prior to the bond hearing. (Cases are to be put in the computer by 3 business days after preliminary.) Although I knew this guy was a sicko, just what kind of sicko, I didn't have a clue. Looked in the file. MP's preliminary hearing notes consisted of the kids' names and ages, and the address. No help. Fumbled through the file (which is bigger than the varnish zone phone book) and no luck. Finally got some guidance from the Victim-Witness Coordinator who was in court.

I was pissed. Coworker Andrew had a problem. He was also pissed. He tore into PHB's office, angry, and got the "no harm, no foul" lecture. Office Manager suggested to me that I wait until Tuesday to approach PHB because she had ALSO mentioned yet another problem to PHB, and he blew it off as well.

Thus endeth Part 1.

Part 2....

I discussed with the Rev. Lawgrad, thought about the issue all night and then through my trip to dentist. Got to work, wrote a memo regarding the situation, then cleaned up the memo so that it was factually correct. Laid out the facts in a timeline. Used lots of passive voice. Showed how PHB had relied on MP's assertions. Pointed out how helpful another coworker was. Removed everything that could be considered angry or bitchy or PMS-y. Saved it, ran off a copy.

When I got back from court on Tuesday, I went into PHB's office. I said, "Let me tell you a story. Pretend my dental appointment was 18 hours earlier and you were handling this bond hearing. Look at the computer and let me know what you'd have done." He did. Then I handed him the file. "See if anything is missing from the computer." It took him about five minutes to find anything in the file. Then he uttered some f-bombs. And he said, "You are pissed off right now, and that's understandable. If you will, write me a memo, but wait until you aren't so angry." I handed him my three-page memo, and his eyes got big.

So now my memo, without the first correction, is the guide to coworker Andrew and Office Manager, for them to use to write their own memos about the issues that they have had with MP being gone.

I don't know if it will have any effect. Probably not a lot, but it felt good to not have PHB think what I had to say was somehow colored by the fact that I was born without man-parts.

lawgrad91 wrote:Part 2....

I discussed with the Rev. Lawgrad, thought about the issue all night and then through my trip to dentist. Got to work, wrote a memo regarding the situation, then cleaned up the memo so that it was factually correct. Laid out the facts in a timeline. Used lots of passive voice. Showed how PHB had relied on MP's assertions. Pointed out how helpful another coworker was. Removed everything that could be considered angry or bitchy or PMS-y. Saved it, ran off a copy.

When I got back from court on Tuesday, I went into PHB's office. I said, "Let me tell you a story. Pretend my dental appointment was 18 hours earlier and you were handling this bond hearing. Look at the computer and let me know what you'd have done." He did. Then I handed him the file. "See if anything is missing from the computer." It took him about five minutes to find anything in the file. Then he uttered some f-bombs. And he said, "You are pissed off right now, and that's understandable. If you will, write me a memo, but wait until you aren't so angry." I handed him my three-page memo, and his eyes got big.

So now my memo, without the first correction, is the guide to coworker Andrew and Office Manager, for them to use to write their own memos about the issues that they have had with MP being gone.

I don't know if it will have any effect. Probably not a lot, but it felt good to not have PHB think what I had to say was somehow colored by the fact that I was born without man-parts.

Nicely done, lawgrad! Here's hoping your memo helps the situation. Also hoping that coworker Andrew and Office Manager can successfully write and present similar memos. I sure wish I had done this with Supervisor Barbie in my previous job. HR needs a paper trail in order to get rid of people.

Well played Lawgrad...Well played indeed. Always apply the 'who is the asshole' rule. Factual, passive. Nicely done.
Normally the response for 'them that dumps their work on others' is don't do it for them and let the excrement strike the oscillating wind shifting unit...but in your case that means bond isn't set properly for a scum sucking bottom dweller...so that really doesn't apply.

Excellent plan to involve other co-workers in a unified front. One person looks like a malcontent...three is a trend.

Now, this is key - what is your the payoff your boss is getting from MP? Bosses put up with people like that because they are
a) too stupid to see
b)have been shown crisp clear photos of themselves engaged in unspeakable acts with farm animals
c)they are getting something out of it
d)secondary relationship between the two that the office is unaware of (I'm talking wives are best friends...grew up on same street kind of thing not relationships )

the 'something' could be the constant ego stoke when MP runs to BHP with everything...it could be he likes having sunshine blown up his ass...hard to say with the limitted info I have but you've been there long enough so hopefully you can figure it out.

You and the rest of your co workers need to keep up a constant stream of factual documentation of MP's uh...short comings. You can adopt a policy of asking PHB what should be done rather than just jumping in and doing it. "MP did not file motion XYZ - I am busy on case ABC - who can handle this?" kind of thing. Make sure he is aware of each and every short coming (pun intended!) Based on what you described PHB will defend MP if confronted in anger. . Do not confront him in anger. Don’t allow him to feel that he needs to defend this loser.

Lastly – the next time (if there is one) that anyone finds anything inappropriate on his computer they are to run…RUN not walk to HR and raise the roof…make sure and mention ‘this has happened before and NOTHING has been done’.

I’ve got to scamper to a meeting…I ponder on this further…

[quote="windsor"]Now, this is key - what is your the payoff your boss is getting from MP? Bosses put up with people like that because they are
a) too stupid to see
b)have been shown crisp clear photos of themselves engaged in unspeakable acts with farm animals
c)they are getting something out of it
d)secondary relationship between the two that the office is unaware of (I'm talking wives are best friends...grew up on same street kind of thing not relationships )

the 'something' could be the constant ego stoke when MP runs to BHP with everything...it could be he likes having sunshine blown up his ass...hard to say with the limitted info I have but you've been there long enough so hopefully you can figure it out.

My theory heretofore has been B, involving chickens or squirrels. My newer theory is the sunshine up the ass one. He makes PHB feel important (and, also, tall. PHB is 5'10" or so. Taller than me, but not by all that much).

Your other points are absolutely terrific. I will ponder on them and pass them along.

If it is 'he makes him feel important' that some ego stroking from the rest of the troops will reduce the influence of the MP. You can do that by employing the one thing I remember from a law class way back...never ask a witness a question you don't already know the answer to...the occassional solicitation of his advice limitted to confirmation of the already chosen plan of action. "I was going to approach this XYZ way..what do you think?" You are not asking him for help just an opinion. Then thank him. Then do what you were going to do anyway. Since this hasn't been going on now I would ease in to it on an occassional basis otherwise it will smell like last weeks fish.

I'll throw out my favorite come back to annoying whining complainers too..."wow, that's awful. I'm glad I'm not you!". Usually shuts them down.

windsor wrote:
I'll throw out my favorite come back to annoying whining complainers too..."wow, that's awful. I'm glad I'm not you!". Usually shuts them down.

MP's other complaints are of the physical nature, usually when he wants to go home. He has a headache. He had a "severe allergic reaction" to a tick bite (albeit not severe enough to warrant use of an epi-pen or a trip to the doctor). His allergies are acting up.

He stopped complaining to me about ailments. When he would complain about a headache, I'd tell him meningitis was running rampant and he'd better have that looked at. When he would cough like a kitten, I'd tell him so-and-so in the Administration Building has strep throat. After about the third complaint, he found someone else to cry to.

lawgrad91 wrote:MP's other complaints are of the physical nature, usually when he wants to go home. He has a headache. He had a "severe allergic reaction" to a tick bite (albeit not severe enough to warrant use of an epi-pen or a trip to the doctor). His allergies are acting up.

He stopped complaining to me about ailments. When he would complain about a headache, I'd tell him meningitis was running rampant and he'd better have that looked at. When he would cough like a kitten, I'd tell him so-and-so in the Administration Building has strep throat. After about the third complaint, he found someone else to cry to.

Wow. You're tough, lawgrad! Sounds like you've already been channeling your inner windsor!

Forget WWWD bracelets, I think Windsor needs her own daytime TV program. Something combining dog training and inter-office relationship management. I see segments like, "why my Tervuren would be a better middle manager than yours."

LG, thank you for not letting your sh*tty coworker keep you from protecting society from losers like Mr. child-abusing gun-toter. Refresh my memory - PHB stands for...?

DevilAlumna wrote:Forget WWWD bracelets, I think Windsor needs her own daytime TV program. Something combining dog training and inter-office relationship management. I see segments like, "why my Tervuren would be a better middle manager than yours."

LG, thank you for not letting your sh*tty coworker keep you from protecting society from losers like Mr. child-abusing gun-toter. Refresh my memory - PHB stands for...?

Pointy Haired Boss! Like in Dilbert!

DevilAlumna wrote:Forget WWWD bracelets, I think Windsor needs her own daytime TV program. Something combining dog training and inter-office relationship management. I see segments like, "why my Tervuren would be a better middle manager than yours."

That's funny...Wizard...Middle Manager. He keeps his mouth shut. He is completely honest about who/what he likes and dislikes...he can smell bullshit at a range of 1.3 miles...and he's not afraid to hike his leg and pee on something that deserves it.

windsor wrote:

DevilAlumna wrote:Forget WWWD bracelets, I think Windsor needs her own daytime TV program. Something combining dog training and inter-office relationship management. I see segments like, "why my Tervuren would be a better middle manager than yours."

That's funny...Wizard...Middle Manager. He keeps his mouth shut. He is completely honest about who/what he likes and dislikes...he can smell bullshit at a range of 1.3 miles...and he's not afraid to hike his leg and pee on something that deserves it.

Newest chapter:

PHB gave my memo to Andrew and to Office Manager to use as a template for their memos.

This morning my memo was back on my desk with a note to see PHB. His reasoning? My memo ISN'T ANGRY ENOUGH!

I need to add paragraphs to the first portion of the manuscript to indicate just how angry I was at MP.

My theory on this one is that PHB wants to talk to MP next week and play good cop to Andrew's and my bad cop. "Well, I think you're a wonderful prosecutor. It's your coworkers that are throwing you under the bus."

Suggestions?