crazietalk.net

DevilWearsPrada2.0 wrote: and have only played Cupcake Teams, with the exception of the young boyz from Kentucky.

devildeac wrote:Snake #1: Hey, are we poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: Are we really poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: How poisonous are we?
Snake #2: (obviously very irritated by now) We are the most poisonous snakes on the planet. Why do you keep asking?
Snake #1: I just bit my lip.

devildeac wrote:Jimmy Taylor refused to get our of bed one morning and proclaimed, "I'm not going to school today. I hate school, and I'm not going back. The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, I hate the food and I'm tired of being called names. Just give me one good reason I should go." Mrs. Taylor replied, "You're going to school today whether you want to or not because you're forty-six years old and you're the principal."

devildeac wrote:Jimmy Taylor refused to get our of bed one morning and proclaimed, "I'm not going to school today. I hate school, and I'm not going back. The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, I hate the food and I'm tired of being called names. Just give me one good reason I should go." Mrs. Taylor replied, "You're going to school today whether you want to or not because you're forty-six years old and you're the principal."

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards with photo ID. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' (Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)


Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Got this in an email (of course). There were cute pictures of Dilbert in the email that didn't copy here. DA should pay attention to the first one of these in particular; I'd love to know is she actually got this notice

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards with photo ID. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' (Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)


Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the very masculine, and otherwise attractive therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the very masculine, and otherwise attractive therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

devildeac wrote:90-57.

No joke.

DevilAlumna wrote:

devildeac wrote:90-57.

No joke.

Yeah, not a joke, but still damned funny!

DevilWearsPrada2.0 wrote:The Mens Basketball AP rankings is a joke this week. UNC rises on the poll to #4, after 2 loses, and their RPI is low, and have only played Cupcake Teams, with the exception of the young boyz from Kentucky.

Duke falls to #7 on the AP, with a hard azz RPI schedule. F*** the AP. Looks like the USA poll got it right this week.

AP is a joke!