Jokes

[CameronBornAndBred]

and have only played Cupcake Teams, with the exception of the young boyz from Kentucky.

To be fair, they have played their fair share of solid competition.
MSU (Only losses to the heels and us)
UNLV (beat the heels)
KY (#1 and beat the heels)
Wisconsin (#7 and close game)
So out of 9 games, that's a pretty solid schedule to start with.

[devildeac]

Snake #1: Hey, are we poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: Are we really poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: How poisonous are we?
Snake #2: (obviously very irritated by now) We are the most poisonous snakes on the planet. Why do you keep asking?
Snake #1: I just bit my lip.

[CathyCA]

Snake #1: Hey, are we poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: Are we really poisonous?
Snake #2: Yes, we are.
Snake #1: How poisonous are we?
Snake #2: (obviously very irritated by now) We are the most poisonous snakes on the planet. Why do you keep asking?
Snake #1: I just bit my lip.

Giggling.

[devildeac]

Jimmy Taylor refused to get our of bed one morning and proclaimed, "I'm not going to school today. I hate school, and I'm not going back. The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, I hate the food and I'm tired of being called names. Just give me one good reason I should go." Mrs. Taylor replied, "You're going to school today whether you want to or not because you're forty-six years old and you're the principal."

[CameronBornAndBred]

Jimmy Taylor refused to get our of bed one morning and proclaimed, "I'm not going to school today. I hate school, and I'm not going back. The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, I hate the food and I'm tired of being called names. Just give me one good reason I should go." Mrs. Taylor replied, "You're going to school today whether you want to or not because you're forty-six years old and you're the principal."

[Very Duke Blue]

Jimmy Taylor refused to get our of bed one morning and proclaimed, "I'm not going to school today. I hate school, and I'm not going back. The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, I hate the food and I'm tired of being called names. Just give me one good reason I should go." Mrs. Taylor replied, "You're going to school today whether you want to or not because you're forty-six years old and you're the principal."

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Got this in an email (of course). There were cute pictures of Dilbert in the email that didn't copy here. DA should pay attention to the first one of these in particular; I'd love to know is she actually got this notice

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards with photo ID. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' (Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)


Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

[IowaDevil]

Got this in an email (of course). There were cute pictures of Dilbert in the email that didn't copy here. DA should pay attention to the first one of these in particular; I'd love to know is she actually got this notice

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards with photo ID. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' (Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)


Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Jewish Christmas


The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Angelo Ianucci , what do you do at Christmas?"

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing Ave Maria , dance the Tarantella and when we get home we put almond cookies and Amaretto by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...And begin to sing: “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”..........Then we all go to the Bahamas ."

[captmojo]

Wasn't it true that it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ?
Well...according to Kinky Freidman.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the very masculine, and otherwise attractive therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

[devildeac]

Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the very masculine, and otherwise attractive therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

35 years of marriage?

Hmm...

[OZZIE4DUKE]

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up
in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it
would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a
few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Veronica is watching from the kitchen
window, Muttering to herself how men need to be
told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me
to go fly a kite.'

[DevilWearsPrada2.0]

Those are 2 funny jokes Ozzie!!

[IowaDevil]

Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the very masculine, and otherwise attractive therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

Too funny! Mr. ID is rolling on the floor!

[captmojo]

A drunk going down the street steps into the Catholic church and proceeds to venture further into a confessional booth. After 30 seconds of silence, the priest on the other side lets out an, "Ahem!"
Silence, still.
30 more seconds pass when the priest knocks three times on the wall.
The drunk replies, "Uh oh. Sorry pal. There ain't any paper in this stall either."

[devildeac]

90-57.

No joke.

[DevilAlumna]

90-57.

No joke.

Yeah, not a joke, but still damned funny!

[lawgrad91]

90-57.

No joke.

Yeah, not a joke, but still damned funny!

QFE!

[DevilWearsPrada2.0]

The Mens Basketball AP rankings is a joke this week. UNC rises on the poll to #4, after 2 loses, and their RPI is low, and have only played Cupcake Teams, with the exception of the young boyz from Kentucky.

Duke falls to #7 on the AP, with a hard azz RPI schedule. F*** the AP. Looks like the USA poll got it right this week.

AP is a joke!

The Tarholes havent had a road game in 42 days. Played every Junior College to rack up 30 point wins. Go on the road to Tallahassee and got their asses whooped!!!! The best chant was """OVERRATED", by the Seminoles!

UNC ROSTER 5 Walk ONS and 11 Walk OFFS!!!

UNC was so soft... wonder if Viagra would help! (Oh, thats for a different disfunction!)