crazietalk.net

devildeac wrote:

CathyCA wrote:

devildeac wrote:
HA! That's why I posted it here. I figured next to no one would read it on the beer thread .

And I do know it's company. Bad proof-reading blamed on not enough caffeine this AM. I'm better now. I think. Oooh, wrong thread. That should be in the good morning thread .

Are you afraid that I'm going to cut and paste your error for everyone to see it? I didn't see it until you pointed it out. I don't always excel at accelerated reading. ;)

At least you were being straights wish me.

Just don't ax me any more grammar (or grammpar) questions.

Those were great IMA!

Ahhh...I get the picture. I understand. It's all clear to me.
Snarkism.

I REALLY wanted to put this in AD's Dilemma thread, or the WWWD thread, but decided I better put it here instead...

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:I REALLY wanted to put this in AD's Dilemma thread, or the WWWD thread, but decided I better put it here instead...

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:I REALLY wanted to put this in AD's Dilemma thread, or the WWWD thread, but decided I better put it here instead...

Wise doggie words to live by....

CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and ask her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house.'

I'm stealing!

OK, not a joke, but a must see.

The very first public singing of God Bless America !!!


Irving Berlin wrote this song in 1917 for use during WWI.

Does anyone know why he did not release it then?.

He thought it "too sentimental even for the horrific inferno that was WWI.

The link below will take you to a video showing the very first public singing of “GOD BLESS AMERICA

But, before you watch, you should also know the story of the song. The time was 1940.America was still in a terrible economic depression. Hitler was taking over Europe and Americans were afraid we’d have to go to war. It was a time of hardship and worry for most Americans.

This was the era just before TV, when radio shows were HUGE, and American families sat around their radios in the evenings, listening to their favorite entertainers. And no entertainer of that era was bigger than Kate Smith. Kate was also large in size, and the popular phrase still used today is in deference to her, “It Ain’t over till the fat lady sings.” Kate Smith, with her voice coming over

the radio, was the biggest star of her time.

Kate was also very patriotic. It hurt her to see Americans so depressed and afraid of what the next day would bring. She had hope for America , and faith in her fellow Americans.

She wanted to do something to cheer them up, so she went to the famous American song-writer, Irving Berlin (also wrote “White Christmas”) and asked him to write a song that would make Americans feel good again about their country. When she described what she was looking for, he said he had just the song for her. He went to his files and found a song that he had written, but never published, 22 years before - way back in 1917. He gave it to Kate Smith and she worked on it with her studio orchestra. She and Berlin were not sure how the song would be received by the public, but both agreed they would not take any profits from “God Bless America ”–Any profits would go to the Boy Scouts of America . Over the years, the Scouts have received millions of dollars in royalties from this song.

This video starts out with Kate Smith coming into the radio studio with the orchestra and an audience. She introduces the new song for the very first time, and starts singing. After the first couple verses, with her voice in the background still singing, scenes are shown from the 1940 movie, “You’re In The Army Now.” At the 4:20 mark of the video you see a young actor in the movie, sitting in an office, reading a paper - it’s Ronald Reagan.

To this day, “God Bless America ” stirs our patriotic feelings and pride in our country. Back in 1940, When Kate Smith went looking for a song to raise the spirits of her fellow Americans, I doubt she realized just how successful the results would be – for her fellow Americans during those years of hardship and worry, and for many generations of Americans to follow.

Now that you know the story of the song, I hope you will enjoy it and treasure it even more.

NOW HERE IS HOW "GOD BLESS AMERICA" SHOULD BE SUNG!

http://www.israpundit.com/archives/3146 ... b39ba8d%2c

EarlJam wrote:CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and ask her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house.'

Oh EJ Thanks! I had heard that one ages ago and had totally forgotten it. I can't imagine how. It's SOOOOO funny!
Love, Ima

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:I REALLY wanted to put this in AD's Dilemma thread, or the WWWD thread, but decided I better put it here instead...

Words of wisdom from the Prophet Ozzie!

This might really belong in the "Snark" thread, but it gave me the giggles, so I'm posting it here:

HOW TO BE GRACIOUS

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this
dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

CathyCA wrote:T

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

How to get women to exercise....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEH4Yum4 ... r_embedded

(yeah, it would work for me)

lawgrad91 wrote:How to get women to exercise....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEH4Yum4 ... r_embedded

(yeah, it would work for me)

Notice how none of the women in that commercial looked like they really needed to exercise?

Interesting way to sell bottled water.

This letter was sent to the Principals office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today..

Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.
Thank you for that opportunity.



Sincerely,
Agnes Baker

Q: Why was the broom late for work?

A: It over-swept.



-EarlJam

An Arab Sheik had just discovered oil on a bit of his remote desert property and scheduled a meeting, in the US, with American oil company execs to discuss pumping. After a successful meeting, dinner was being served at the oil company's headquarters. The Sheik brought along his personal assistant, Abdullah, who stood in waiting along the wall while dinner was served.

Not being accustomed to the high content of salt in American food, the Sheik would take a few bites, nod his head toward Abdullah, then young Abdullah would exit the room and return a couple of minutes later with a glass of water for his master. The Sheik would drink the water, eat a few bites, then nod to Abdullah again and the same actions were repeated. This went on 4 more times. The last time, Abdullah returned to the room empty-handed. His boss called him over. "Where is my drink?", he asked. Abdullah then explained, "A thousand pardons, Sahib. But this last time I went for water, there was...

















...a very large white man, without pants, sitting on the well."



Moral...be careful where your water comes from. ;)

A Police Stop at 2 a.m.:

The police officer stopped an elderly man around 2 a.m. "Where are you going at this time of night?"

The man replied, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body. There will also be a lecture on the effects of smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

The Mens Basketball AP rankings is a joke this week. UNC rises on the poll to #4, after 2 loses, and their RPI is low, and have only played Cupcake Teams, with the exception of the young boyz from Kentucky.

Duke falls to #7 on the AP, with a hard azz RPI schedule. F*** the AP. Looks like the USA poll got it right this week.

AP is a joke!