Page 32 of 73
Re: Jokes
Posted: August 31st, 2010, 5:15 pm
by OZZIE4DUKE
Please Pray for Leroy
A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over,
please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on
top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a
"blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great
enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."
As an aside, this sounds like some of LG's "clients"...
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: August 31st, 2010, 8:39 pm
by lawgrad91
OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Please Pray for Leroy
A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over,
please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on
top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a
"blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great
enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."
As an aside, this sounds like some of LG's "clients"...
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
I think I've prosecuted Leroy!
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 1st, 2010, 4:47 pm
by Jesus_hurley
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 1st, 2010, 4:50 pm
by lawgrad91
Jesus_hurley wrote:xbox_roy.jpg
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
I love this!
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 1st, 2010, 4:54 pm
by Jesus_hurley
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 1st, 2010, 5:39 pm
by CameronBornAndBred
Jesus_hurley wrote:sidneys.jpg
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 2nd, 2010, 12:46 pm
by Jesus_hurley
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 2nd, 2010, 12:55 pm
by CameronBornAndBred
Don't ever piss off a lady with a gun.
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 2nd, 2010, 1:02 pm
by OZZIE4DUKE
I can't believe that she didn't turn around instinctively and shoot him. He's very lucky. He was almost a candidate for next year's Darwin Award.
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 2nd, 2010, 1:22 pm
by Jesus_hurley
OZZIE4DUKE wrote:Jesus_hurley wrote:While this isn't exactly a joke, it's pretty amusing...
I can't believe that she didn't turn around instinctively and shoot him. He's very lucky. He was almost a candidate for next year's Darwin Award.
When I first played it I thought she was going to wing him or something - which probably would have been funnier
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
. Second time through it almost seems like the safety is on - seems like she was messing with the trigger at one point.
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 2nd, 2010, 1:26 pm
by Jesus_hurley
One more for today....
This was a picture on the
Duke Scout site making fun of 'Ol Roy's tan...
![oompaloompa_roy.jpg](./download/file.php?id=834)
- oompaloompa_roy.jpg (75.89 KiB) Viewed 471 times
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 9th, 2010, 11:11 am
by CathyCA
A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender looks at him and says, "You know, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper replies, "You got a drink named Stanley?"
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 29th, 2010, 2:43 pm
by devildeac
A 90 year old man who is finely dressed in a suit and tie, new shoes and a fancy cane walks into a bar, sits down and orders a martini. Shortly after that, an pretty senior lady walks in, sits down next to him and orders a cocktail also. She is attractively dressed in a tea length dress, high heels and a fancy hat. The gentleman turns around to her after sitting there a moment and says to her, "hey gorgeous, I have a question for you. Do I come here often?"
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 29th, 2010, 6:22 pm
by CameronBornAndBred
** FAMOUS LAST WORDS **
* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
* Hold my beer and watch this.
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 30th, 2010, 10:12 pm
by captmojo
CameronBornAndBred wrote:** FAMOUS LAST WORDS **
* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
* Hold my beer and watch this.
Good list! I'm most representative of the last two examples.
![Twitch :twitch:](./images/smilies/icon_e_twitch.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 30th, 2010, 11:03 pm
by devildeac
An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.
Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: September 30th, 2010, 11:08 pm
by CameronBornAndBred
Re: Jokes
Posted: October 1st, 2010, 7:02 am
by captmojo
devildeac wrote:An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.
Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Was he still wearing his pajamas?
![Twitch :twitch:](./images/smilies/icon_e_twitch.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: October 1st, 2010, 9:42 am
by devildeac
captmojo wrote:devildeac wrote:An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.
Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Was he still wearing his pajamas?
![Twitch :twitch:](./images/smilies/icon_e_twitch.gif)
I think he forgot to put on any clothes.
![Rolling eyes 8-|](./images/smilies/29.gif)
Re: Jokes
Posted: October 1st, 2010, 9:55 am
by DukieInKansas
devildeac wrote:captmojo wrote:devildeac wrote:An elderly couple has just finished their dinner and the husband stands up and begins to walk away from the table. His wife stops him and says, "I want some dessert." So, he starts heading to the door. She stops him and says, "I want some ice cream." He head to the door again and she says, " You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He snarls at her and says, "I'll remember. We just ate dinner and you want some ice cream." She stops him again and says, " I want some chocolate syrup on it." He heads out again and she reminds him, "You had better write it down. You know how bad your memory is." He replies, "Harumph. We just ate dinner, you want dessert and it's supposed to be ice cream and chocolate syrup. I can remember that." And out the door he goes.
Three hours later, he finally returns and she yells at him, " Where have you been?' He replies, "I've been shopping. Here's you lettuce and tomato" and slams them down on the table. She yells back at him, "I told you that you should have written it down. You forgot the salad dressing!"
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Was he still wearing his pajamas?
![Twitch :twitch:](./images/smilies/icon_e_twitch.gif)
I think he forgot to put on any clothes.
![Rolling eyes 8-|](./images/smilies/29.gif)
Does that mean she wanted her salad bare? You know, sans dressing?