LTE 2.0

[IowaDevil]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

I can relate to this - parenting our parents is the toughest job I've ever faced. Hugs & prayers to all of you!

[CathyCA]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

AD, I think you need some hugs.

[devildeac]

My word does this look and sound good:

http://now.msn.com/wookie-combines-the- ... es-cookies

[devildeac]

This doesn't look/sound too bad either:

http://now.msn.com/dunkin-donuts-cronut ... outh-korea

[CameronBornAndBred]

I don't like bananas, strained or unstrained.
(Unless they are chips...I like banana chips. You can't strain a chip.)

[DukePA]

How do you strain a banana? Ask DukePa, she can tell you.

when I was 6 years old, I thought if would be fun to strain a banana, so I pushed one through the screen door

[DukePA]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

I can relate to this - parenting our parents is the toughest job I've ever faced. Hugs & prayers to all of you!

Mega hugs to you, Adorable AD.

[DevilWearsPrada2.0]

Ariel Castro committed suicide in prison, by hanging himself yesterday.

[windsor]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

I can relate to this - parenting our parents is the toughest job I've ever faced. Hugs & prayers to all of you!

It is indeed.

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

I need to see an organizational flow chart. Love reading about these folks but I can't remember who's who!

This from an even more senior senior. A pecking order chart would be helpful. I've sort of lost my place on a couple folks, myself.
Love, Ima

[Ima Facultiwyfe]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

Well, that's always a tough one.....especially when it's the mom, it seems. Women are so accustomed to caring for somebody and anticipating their needs. When the shoe is on the other foot, the husband is often less prepared, therefore somewhat unrealistic. Personal care for a woman is so, well, personal. She'll feel better if her hair is done, her make up tended to, her clothes coordinated and presentable. It's a "girl thing". Perhaps he needs to be reminded that few guys have the knack.

I'm sure he would rather not have a stranger around the house all the time. But, maybe somebody just to come in each day for an hour or so to set things straight and get them off to a good start.

The bottom line is that you can only do so much. We all want to do all we can to avoid catastrophe and accidents, but sometimes you just have to wait until something happens that makes the decision obvious to all, even if it's a hard lesson.

Duke has a wonderful senior assessment program having a battery of tests they can use to determine the level of care somebody needs. The counselors are great at telling it like it is and being so specific that they're hard to argue with. Is there something like that where you are?

We've been through this with some family members -- each case drastically different from the other and requiring different solutions. And we feel the day coming (sooner than we'd like to think) when our daughters will have to take a strong stance with the OP and/or me. They already wish I'd never drive at night and that he'd never drive AT ALL! I try my best to comply, but he bows his neck. Now that's a guy thing!

Keep us posted, AD. Having a sister to share the decision making is a real blessing. If you ever want to talk about it, you have my ear. Good luck, hon.
Love, Ima

[DukieInKansas]

I don't like bananas, strained or unstrained.
(Unless they are chips...I like banana chips. You can't strain a chip.)

I don't even like banana chips. Don't like the taste or texture of a banana. Going through a screen would not improve it in my book.

[DukieInKansas]

Spent last weekend with my family. My mom's condition is deteriorating really rapidly. My sister and I believe it's time to get someone in to help take care of her, but my dad is resisting. She has trouble dressing herself, bathing herself, and feeding herself. She's mostly aware of what's going on, but she has occasions where she's not completely "with it." My dad doesn't think he needs to hire anyone until she's completely out of it. Several of you have gone through this, so you know what I'm talking about. Not for the faint of heart.

I think watching your parents age is one of the hardest things to do. My Dad and Aunt went through this with Grandma. It was to the point that she really needed to move into a nursing home - it was effecting Grandpa's health. They couldn't do anything until Grandpa bought into it - and it was difficult to wait. With our Dad, we had a very good friend from church make a very difficult call to us about Dad's driving. We are so fortunate that he did - and that Dad's doctor could help. He recommended Dad be tested at the Rehab Institute here in town - they test sight, hearing, reflexes, cognitive ability, and driving in his part of town. It was covered by Medicare and his insurance except for $150 (about 10 years ago). I thought that was combat pay for the woman who took him driving. Then they made the recommendation regarding driving - so we weren't the rotten daughters that took the car away. It took us about 1.5 years to convince him to move out of the house and into independent living in a Senior Living Community. We actually scheduled a tour for when the brothers were in town knowing that if we got the oldest brother to buy into the plan, Dad would buy into it. Throughout the whole process with Dad, his doctor was a great help in promoting the changes. When we had to have some in home care, there was a local company that provided great service - they weren't nurses but just women came in and helped to be sure he didn't fall when dressing in the morning or during the night if he got up. The time they were there increased as additional care was needed do to new health issues.

Long way of saying - can her doctor help in the process of getting some help into the house? Just starting with someone to help her get up and dressed in the morning sounds like it would be a big help.

Hang in there. You aren't alone in the process - others have gone through it and, most importantly, you have your sister. Remember it is ok to laugh at some of the things that happen. I always figured it was a case of laugh or cry and we opted for laughing. (I certainly hope someone laughs when I start doing some of the same things in the future.)

[DukieInKansas]

AD - more importantly - how did the first lecture go?

[ArkieDukie]

How do you strain a banana? Ask DukePa, she can tell you.

when I was 6 years old, I thought if would be fun to strain a banana, so I pushed one through the screen door

Where's the "like" button?

[ArkieDukie]

AD - more importantly - how did the first lecture go?

First lecture went fine - thanks!

Funny side note: MacGyver has the next 4 lectures. After seeing my lecture today, he went back to his office and started making slides. Apparently I set the bar pretty high.

[lawgrad91]

AD - more importantly - how did the first lecture go?

First lecture went fine - thanks!

Funny side note: MacGyver has the next 4 lectures. After seeing my lecture today, he went back to his office and started making slides. Apparently I set the bar pretty high.

I am positive you set the bar VERY high, AD!

[lawgrad91]

I borrowed the name from our Blue Devil Alley neighbors for my fantasy football team in the Justice League.

No Punt Intended.

[ArkieDukie]

Responding to Ima:

As it turns out, UAMS has one of the top geriatrics programs in the country. The diagnosis came as early as it did because my younger sister insisted on getting her in there to see if we could figure out what was going on. The initial diagnosis was frontotemporal dementia; Alzheimer's was added earlier this year. We should see if they can do anything about recommending assistance for Mom. Dad seems to listen to the recommendations that come from someone with MD after their name - even if they say exactly the same thing that my sister or I say. We've actually gotten them to tell Dad stuff before for that reason.

Actually, I have 4 siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters). Younger sister is really on top of things and is very vocal about changes that need to be made. She has the full support of my older sister and I. In many ways my brothers are the problem. Any time my sister comes up with a plan, they seem to do something to circumvent it. The thing is, I think they recognize that Mom is going downhill fairly quickly. The problem is, being guys, they don't realize how badly she needs someone to help her bathe. They don't think of things like this. When my sisters and I are there, we help her. When we're not there, no one helps her. Younger sister has always gotten along better with Mom and can communicate with her better than anyone else can, so she always spots issues before anyone else does and makes an effort to fix things. That's how we got started helping Mom bathe.

My sister set something else up over the weekend that I think is going to be very positive and may go a long way toward getting Dad on-board with having at least part-time help. My sister reached out to a couple of Mom's friends at church and expressed to them that we need help with Mom. One of these friends happens to be a retired former nurse. She called later the same afternoon with an offer to go to my parents' house once a week to help Mom bathe and wash her hair. My sister asked my mom if she'd like this, and she smiled and nodded her head. If this works out as well as I think it will, it could help convince Dad to get a part-time caregiver. (Frustratingly, home health isn't covered in my parents' insurance, and they don't qualify for Medicaid because they allegedly make too much money. At the risk of going all PPB, it's pretty sad when people who have been responsible and self-supporting their whole lives make too much to get financial assistance while those who have done nothing get all the assistance they want. I say this only because my parents have neighbors who have made a career of milking the system and not working - they brag about it, in fact.)

[ArkieDukie]

I need to see an organizational flow chart. Love reading about these folks but I can't remember who's who!

This from an even more senior senior. A pecking order chart would be helpful. I've sort of lost my place on a couple folks, myself.
Love, Ima

Pecking order:
The Boss is at the top of the heap. Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote, and I are all in his department. I am not tenure track, so I'm slightly lower on the food chain. Road Runner is a full professor, WEC is an assistant professor. Neither have tenure. MacGyver is also a full professor without tenure but is in a different department. MacGyver and Road Runner share a lab and are collaborators - they work on slightly different parts of the same project. (As an aside, I also strongly suspect a romantic relationship there. If that is the case, they're doing their best to keep it quiet.)

Now for the underlings: BarMinion and Brilliant Graduate Student both work for Road Runner. Bar Minion has a PhD but is at a slightly lower rank than me. BGS, being a grad student, is at the bottom of the food chain. Intellectually speaking, though, she can run circles around Bar Minion. Everyone knows this, and I suspect Bar Minion knows this as well. Therefore, BM goes out of her way to make life difficult for BGS. There are a couple of postdocs in Road Runner's lab as well; I've only talked about one of them. MacGyver has someone in his lab that's the same level as BarMinion (maybe slightly higher in rank - he definitely has more experience).

Summary: The Boss is at the top
Other levels follow in order of rank, from top to bottom:
Road Runner, MacGyver, Wile E. Coyote (although intellectually inferior to both Road Runner and MacGyver)
Me
Bar Minion, MacGyver's guy
Road Runner's postdocs
Brilliant Graduate Student