Jokes

[Very Duke Blue]

So cornie , its a winner.

[bjornolf]

Definitely got a chuckle outa that one.

[CameronBornAndBred]

Not all maiden names are suitable for continued use..

[Very Duke Blue]

Not all maiden names are suitable for continued use..

[ArkieDukie]

Three old grads from the Triangle's 3 major universities (yea, I'm stretching here a bit) were walking along the beach at Emerald Isle this summer when they saw a glimmer from the sand. They all reached over and pulled a metal object up, brushed it off and realized they had found an ancient lantern. A puff of smoke came out of the lantern and a genie appeared. As expected, the genie then asked the 3 fellows what they wanted for their 3 wishes. Of course, being unable to agree, the State, unc and DUKE grads continued to argue. The genie quickly intervened and said he was giving each one a single wish and asked who was first. The Wolfie squealed, "ooh, me first" and the genie agreed and asked what the wish was.

Our Wolfpack buddy gushed, "Jim Valvano was the best basketball coach ever and I wish him back on the sidelines at the RBC Center." The genie replied, "your wish is my command" and Jimmy V returned to coach the 'pack again.

"OK, who's next?" snarled the genie who was obviously already tired of the nonsense from these 3 knuckleheads.

The 'hole declared in his most haughty fashion, "I should be next." The genie acknowledged him and snapped, "what do you want?" Our pasty-blue clad beachcomber launched into one his programmed discourses about how he was tired of all the damn Yankees who came to chappaheeya, went to school or work there and never left. The genie, obviously disgusted with this load of said impatiently, "what's your wish, ram-breath?"

His reply was, "please build a wall around chappaheeya that is 40 feet high, 10 feet thick that has no entrance or exit."

The genie's quick and simply reply was, "done."

He turned to the Duke alum and said, "you got the 3rd wish. Whaddaya want?"

Not to be hurried, the DUKE fellow asked if he could get a couple things clarified. The genie was obviously tired of the process but agreed to answer a question or two.

"That wall you just built around chappaheeya is really 40 feet high?"

"Yea, yea, go on."

"And 10 feet thick?"

"Yea, yea, go on."

"And no one can get in or out?"

"YES, now what the hell do you want for the 3rd and final wish," the genie exploded.

"Fill it with cement."

I like it! (Can we let Ima out first?)

[devildeac]

Three old grads from the Triangle's 3 major universities (yea, I'm stretching here a bit) were walking along the beach at Emerald Isle this summer when they saw a glimmer from the sand. They all reached over and pulled a metal object up, brushed it off and realized they had found an ancient lantern. A puff of smoke came out of the lantern and a genie appeared. As expected, the genie then asked the 3 fellows what they wanted for their 3 wishes. Of course, being unable to agree, the State, unc and DUKE grads continued to argue. The genie quickly intervened and said he was giving each one a single wish and asked who was first. The Wolfie squealed, "ooh, me first" and the genie agreed and asked what the wish was.

Our Wolfpack buddy gushed, "Jim Valvano was the best basketball coach ever and I wish him back on the sidelines at the RBC Center." The genie replied, "your wish is my command" and Jimmy V returned to coach the 'pack again.

"OK, who's next?" snarled the genie who was obviously already tired of the nonsense from these 3 knuckleheads.

The 'hole declared in his most haughty fashion, "I should be next." The genie acknowledged him and snapped, "what do you want?" Our pasty-blue clad beachcomber launched into one his programmed discourses about how he was tired of all the damn Yankees who came to chappaheeya, went to school or work there and never left. The genie, obviously disgusted with this load of said impatiently, "what's your wish, ram-breath?"

His reply was, "please build a wall around chappaheeya that is 40 feet high, 10 feet thick that has no entrance or exit."

The genie's quick and simply reply was, "done."

He turned to the Duke alum and said, "you got the 3rd wish. Whaddaya want?"

Not to be hurried, the DUKE fellow asked if he could get a couple things clarified. The genie was obviously tired of the process but agreed to answer a question or two.

"That wall you just built around chappaheeya is really 40 feet high?"

"Yea, yea, go on."

"And 10 feet thick?"

"Yea, yea, go on."

"And no one can get in or out?"

"YES, now what the hell do you want for the 3rd and final wish," the genie exploded.

"Fill it with cement."

I like it! (Can we let Ima out first?)

Yes, Ima may have a leftover Brunchgate tent on the Orange/Derm County line.

[CathyCA]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

That is so mean...

[CameronBornAndBred]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

That is so mean...

She's getting us back for the lawyer jokes.

[cl15876]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

That is so mean...

She's getting us back for the lawyer jokes.

[Very Duke Blue]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

Your joke qualifies for the joke of the month.

[ArkieDukie]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

You made me laugh until I had a coughing fit. The hallmark of a fine joke, Cathy.

[devildeac]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

That is so mean...

She's getting us back for the lawyer jokes.

Speaking of lawyer jokes:

(overheard at a bar)

Lawyer #1: People always make fun of lawyers. Don't they realize we have feelings?
Lawyer #2: Why don't they make fun of doctors?
Bartender: We need doctors.

[Very Duke Blue]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

You made me laugh until I had a coughing fit. The hallmark of a fine joke, Cathy.

Thats good but not as good as CathyCa's.

[EarlJam]

So a Christian man is on vacation and decides to visit the Holy Lands. He comes to the Sea of Galilee and sees a tour boat station. He approaches the manager and asks how much a tour is.

The manager replies,"Well sir, we'll take you to the other end of the sea and back for $500."

"Five Hundred Dollars is insane," the man retorts.

The manager counters, "Fine sir, it really isn't that much. I mean consider, this is the very sea our Lord and master walked across."

Fuming, the man exclaimed, "Well with your prices, no WONDER he walked!"

[activate canned laughter]

-EARLJAM

[EarlJam]

A hunter is walking through the woods with his shotgun when he hears the gentle rolling of a bear's tired growl.

Dropping to his knees, the devout Christian man removes his cap, looks to the heavens and begins his prayer to God.

"Oh dear Lord, thank you for this wonderful night. I believe in you and have complete faith that you will protect me as I complete the hunting of this bear. Thank you Lord, my fortress, my shield, my protector, Amen."

As the man rises to the feet, he hears the bear begin to pray in the distance:

"Dear Lord, thank you for the blessing of this food I am about to receive!"

[insert uproarious laughter]
-EJ

[OZZIE4DUKE]

A hunter is walking through the woods with his shotgun when he hears the gentle rolling of a bear's tired growl.

It was the Snapple...

[devildeac]

One day, all the body parts had an argument over which one should be boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I have the knowledge and control all the activities of the body."

The eyes said they should because they guided the body everywhere.

The heart said, "No, I should because I supply all the other parts with the blood, which is vital to their function."

All the other parts stated their cases, too.

Then the anus spoke up and said s/he (just to be non-discriminating here ;) ) should be in charge.

Of course, all the other parts laughed hysterically and this caused the anus to be very quiet and stop functioning.

After a couple days, the brain became sluggish, the eyes watered over, the heart became lethargic and all the other parts decreased their functions dramatically.

Another meeting occurred and they all relented and placed the anus in charge.

And the lesson learned is that you don't have to be strong, have vision or intelligence to be the boss. You just have to be...













an asshole.

[cl15876]

One day, all the body parts had an argument over which one should be boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I have the knowledge and control all the activities of the body."

The eyes said they should because they guided the body everywhere.

The heart said, "No, I should because I supply all the other parts with the blood, which is vital to their function."

All the other parts stated their cases, too.

Then the anus spoke up and said s/he (just to be non-discriminating here ;) ) should be in charge.

Of course, all the other parts laughed hysterically and this caused the anus to be very quiet and stop functioning.

After a couple days, the brain became sluggish, the eyes watered over, the heart became lethargic and all the other parts decreased their functions dramatically.

Another meeting occurred and they all relented and placed the anus in charge.

And the lesson learned is that you don't have to be strong, have vision or intelligence to be the boss. You just have to be...













an asshole.

[bjornolf]

One day, all the body parts had an argument over which one should be boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I have the knowledge and control all the activities of the body."

The eyes said they should because they guided the body everywhere.

The heart said, "No, I should because I supply all the other parts with the blood, which is vital to their function."

All the other parts stated their cases, too.

Then the anus spoke up and said s/he (just to be non-discriminating here ;) ) should be in charge.

Of course, all the other parts laughed hysterically and this caused the anus to be very quiet and stop functioning.

After a couple days, the brain became sluggish, the eyes watered over, the heart became lethargic and all the other parts decreased their functions dramatically.

Another meeting occurred and they all relented and placed the anus in charge.

And the lesson learned is that you don't have to be strong, have vision or intelligence to be the boss. You just have to be...













an asshole.

That's a great joke. The version I heard said that the asshole was just trying to get everybody to quit arguing, not that it wanted to be in charge. Either way, awesome joke.