crazietalk.net

lawgrad91 wrote:

DukieInKansas wrote:

lawgrad91 wrote:There is a metal detector at the door of the courthouse. People have to empty their pockets before going through the metal detector.

Therefore, it is advisable for a person to leave his/her baggie of methamphetamine in the car/at home/anywhere the hell else than his/her pocket before coming into the courthouse.

File this under "Things you shouldn't have to be told".

The real irony is he was supposed to be pleading guilty yesterday, and told the judge he wanted to fire his public defender and hire an attorney, most likely as a ploy to still be out on bond for Christmas (he was getting about 4 years in an agreed-upon sentence). Didn't work out too well for him, as Santa is not on the list of approved visitors for his pod.

Was the case where he was to be pleading guilty also a drug case? If so, that would put him in a whole new category of clueless.

Pro tip: telling the judge you were not committing a traffic violation until the officer stopped you is not a winning defense.

DukieInKansas wrote:Was the case where he was to be pleading guilty also a drug case? If so, that would put him in a whole new category of clueless.

Actually, yes. Possess METH, possess Oxycodone, possess something else. I was dropping his misdemeanor possession of Xanax. "Was" being the operative word.

Just because Carrie Underwood gets revenge on a cheater's vehicle on a music video, doesn't make it legal for an aggrieved person to carve "whore" and "homewrecker" into the paint job on the Honda of her ex's new baby mama.

Like a lot of other things in life, there are repercussions, no matter how good it makes a person feel.

lawgrad91 wrote:Just because Carrie Underwood gets revenge on a cheater's vehicle on a music video, doesn't make it legal for an aggrieved person to carve "whore" and "homewrecker" into the paint job on the Honda of her ex's new baby mama.

Like a lot of other things in life, there are repercussions, no matter how good it makes a person feel.

Putting on my defense attorney hat: Isn't truth a complete defense?

Oh, wait. . . this isn't civil court, is it?

CathyCA wrote:

lawgrad91 wrote:Just because Carrie Underwood gets revenge on a cheater's vehicle on a music video, doesn't make it legal for an aggrieved person to carve "whore" and "homewrecker" into the paint job on the Honda of her ex's new baby mama.

Like a lot of other things in life, there are repercussions, no matter how good it makes a person feel.

Putting on my defense attorney hat: Isn't truth a complete defense?

Oh, wait. . . this isn't civil court, is it?

Sometimes truth is an absolute defense.

We had a defense attorney try that once, when a juvenile called his principal an "m---f---." Judge was NOT amused. Lawyer made a donation to the Boys and Girls Club in lieu of contempt.

Only in the Varnish Zone Courthouse....

Man with two prosthetic legs is at the urinal in the men's room by the courthouse entrance. One of the local idiots, who had a counsel hearing this morning, went into the restroom and pickpocketed the man's wallet.

lawgrad91 wrote:Only in the Varnish Zone Courthouse....

Man with two prosthetic legs is at the urinal in the men's room by the courthouse entrance. One of the local idiots, who had a counsel hearing this morning, went into the restroom and pickpocketed the man's wallet.

lawgrad91 wrote:Only in the Varnish Zone Courthouse....

Man with two prosthetic legs is at the urinal in the men's room by the courthouse entrance. One of the local idiots, who had a counsel hearing this morning, went into the restroom and pickpocketed the man's wallet.

That's plain old EVIL.

Today's crazy comes from the agricultural side of the county.

Twenty something borrows Grandpa's Ford 4x4 pickup. Drives it to the pasture. Decides it would be fun to drive it over a round hay bale. Puts the truck in 4WD and noses it up against the bale. Guns the engine. The truck actually begins to climb the hay bale, but when it gets up high enough on the bale, the truck ends up resting on the bumper, with no wheels on the ground. Our rocket scientist decides if he gives it more gas, it will climb the bale, so he revs the engine up high. Sets the hay on fire. Sets the truck on fire.

The bailiffs in the courtroom were female, so there was less Ford vs. Chevy conversation than I expected.

Overheard in Martin County Court this morning when a wife testified in support of her motion to dissolve the domestic violence protective order that she took out 4 months ago on her husband:

Wife: "Um, I can't remember everything. I'm so overwhelmed because I'm in court."

Judge: "A good rule of thumb is to tell me the truth."

************

and a few minutes later when the Husband was testifying in favor of his wife's motion to dissolve the DVPO:

Judge: "Can you tell me the reasons why your wife asked for a domestic violence protective order 4 months ago?"

Husband: "You know what they say about a woman scorned."

Every jaw in the courtroom dropped in unison. Stupid answer, dude. Stupid answer.

The judge refused to dissolve the DVPO.

CathyCA wrote:Overheard in Martin County Court this morning when a wife testified in support of her motion to dissolve the domestic violence protective order that she took out 4 months ago on her husband:

Wife: "Um, I can't remember everything. I'm so overwhelmed because I'm in court."

Judge: "A good rule of thumb is to tell me the truth."

************

and a few minutes later when the Husband was testifying in favor of his wife's motion to dissolve the DVPO:

Judge: "Can you tell me the reasons why your wife asked for a domestic violence protective order 4 months ago?"

Husband: "You know what they say about a woman scorned."

Every jaw in the courtroom dropped in unison. Stupid answer, dude. Stupid answer.

The judge refused to dissolve the DVPO.

How stupid can a person get? Oh, they are in court. Never mind....

lawgrad91 wrote:

CathyCA wrote:Overheard in Martin County Court this morning when a wife testified in support of her motion to dissolve the domestic violence protective order that she took out 4 months ago on her husband:

Wife: "Um, I can't remember everything. I'm so overwhelmed because I'm in court."

Judge: "A good rule of thumb is to tell me the truth."

************

and a few minutes later when the Husband was testifying in favor of his wife's motion to dissolve the DVPO:

Judge: "Can you tell me the reasons why your wife asked for a domestic violence protective order 4 months ago?"

Husband: "You know what they say about a woman scorned."

Every jaw in the courtroom dropped in unison. Stupid answer, dude. Stupid answer.

The judge refused to dissolve the DVPO.

How stupid can a person get? Oh, they are in court. Never mind....

It's better entertainment than what's on television.

Sometimes I miss my criminal defense clients. Then I attend a mixed session in another county, and I get over that feeling.

Call me an unromantic fool, but I wouldn't be all that thrilled about receiving a letter from my incarcerated boyfriend that said, "I love you a shit ton."

lawgrad91 wrote:Call me an unromantic fool, but I wouldn't be all that thrilled about receiving a letter from my incarcerated boyfriend that said, "I love you a shit ton."

How many butt loads are in a shit ton?

CathyCA wrote:

lawgrad91 wrote:Call me an unromantic fool, but I wouldn't be all that thrilled about receiving a letter from my incarcerated boyfriend that said, "I love you a shit ton."

How many butt loads are in a shit ton?

Depends. Stronglanguage.wordpress.com says they are basically interchangeable. OTOH, Urban Dictionary's second definition says 24 metric assloads= 1 shit ton. Other sites have different amounts.

I have yet to see either of these fine citizens. Maybe I can make an assessment when I see them.

lawgrad91 wrote:

CathyCA wrote:

lawgrad91 wrote:Call me an unromantic fool, but I wouldn't be all that thrilled about receiving a letter from my incarcerated boyfriend that said, "I love you a shit ton."

How many butt loads are in a shit ton?

Depends. Stronglanguage.wordpress.com says they are basically interchangeable. OTOH, Urban Dictionary's second definition says 24 metric assloads= 1 shit ton. Other sites have different amounts.

I have yet to see either of these fine citizens. Maybe I can make an assessment when I see them.

it's a bunch, not measurable on the metric scale.....

If you sneak your phone into the courtroom, or are in a state that allows people to carry in their phones into the court, be sure to turn your ringer off. Conway Twitty's "Hello Darlin'" is distracting to the Judge.

lawgrad91 wrote:If you sneak your phone into the courtroom, or are in a state that allows people to carry in their phones into the court, be sure to turn your ringer off. Conway Twitty's "Hello Darlin'" is distracting to the Judge.

OZZIE4DUKE wrote:

lawgrad91 wrote:

CathyCA wrote:quote="lawgrad91"]Call me an unromantic fool, but I wouldn't be all that thrilled about receiving a letter from my incarcerated boyfriend that said, "I love you a shit ton." [/quote

How many butt loads are in a shit ton?

Depends. Stronglanguage.wordpress.com says they are basically interchangeable. OTOH, Urban Dictionary's second definition says 24 metric assloads= 1 shit ton. Other sites have different amounts.

I have yet to see either of these fine citizens. Maybe I can make an assessment when I see them.

it's a bunch, not measurable on the metric scale.....

The more important question would be how many cinderblocks high would the pile be?