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Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 10th, 2016, 1:02 pm
by CathyCA
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 10th, 2016, 1:54 pm
by devildeac
Sent from our son this AM during morning rounds:
Patient's allergies: oxygen (causes rash)
His comment to me: Send this patient to Mars! STAT!
![Rolling on the floor =))](./images/smilies/24.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 11th, 2016, 3:01 pm
by lawgrad91
Next week a guy is contesting a parking ticket for parking in a handicapped space without a placard.
His written explanation is that his client is very weak due to being on "dialisa."
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 12th, 2016, 11:22 am
by CathyCA
Is "dialisa" like having two of these?
![Image](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mP0Axtz3FxY/TyqUV-YK1jI/AAAAAAAABWI/d4f72HyxS5Y/s1600/gioconda-museo-del-prado-horz+-+Copia.jpg)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 12th, 2016, 1:04 pm
by lawgrad91
CathyCA wrote:Is "dialisa" like having two of these?
![Image](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mP0Axtz3FxY/TyqUV-YK1jI/AAAAAAAABWI/d4f72HyxS5Y/s1600/gioconda-museo-del-prado-horz+-+Copia.jpg)
I do believe so!
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 12th, 2016, 1:13 pm
by lawgrad91
Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"
Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.
And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 12th, 2016, 1:59 pm
by devildeac
CathyCA wrote:Is "dialisa" like having two of these?
![Image](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mP0Axtz3FxY/TyqUV-YK1jI/AAAAAAAABWI/d4f72HyxS5Y/s1600/gioconda-museo-del-prado-horz+-+Copia.jpg)
I thought it was more like having a girl friend named Lisa and calling her on the phone. (You know, like you used to do on a rotary phone.)
![Blushing :ymblushing:](./images/smilies/9.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 11:12 am
by CathyCA
lawgrad91 wrote:Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"
Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.
And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.
At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 7:30 pm
by August West
CathyCA wrote:lawgrad91 wrote:Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"
Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.
And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.
At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
I want to jump up and run to the beach too!
![Bouncy Blue :happy-bouncyblue:](./images/smilies/happy/bouncyblue.gif)
AW
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 3:55 pm
by CathyCA
August West wrote:CathyCA wrote:lawgrad91 wrote:Would anyone here like to guess what rocket scientist in the office said to coworker Jessica, "Wow! That guy blew a .33 BAC? One third of his blood was alcohol!"
Um, no. A BAC of .33 means one third of ONE PERCENT of his blood was alcohol. A very high BAC, but not remotely the same.
And no, not the midget perv. He was a biology major.
At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
I want to jump up and run to the beach too!
![Bouncy Blue :happy-bouncyblue:](./images/smilies/happy/bouncyblue.gif)
AW
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
LOL Such an unfortunate typo.
Bench. Bench. Bench.
The N and the A are nowhere near each other on the keyboard. I wonder how I made that typo?
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 5:20 pm
by DukePA
CathyCA wrote:August West wrote:CathyCA wrote:
At least that argument didn't get presented to a jury. The defense attorney in me would be high jumping up to the beach to call for a mistrial.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
I want to jump up and run to the beach too!
![Bouncy Blue :happy-bouncyblue:](./images/smilies/happy/bouncyblue.gif)
AW
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
LOL Such an unfortunate typo.
Bench. Bench. Bench.
The N and the A are nowhere near each other on the keyboard. I wonder how I made that typo?
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Sounds like an idyllic Freudian slip
![Big Grin :D](./images/smilies/4.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 4:25 pm
by lawgrad91
Victim: "Defendant called me a snitch!"
Defendant: "I didn't call him a SNITCH, I called him a BITCH!"
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 16th, 2016, 10:59 am
by IowaDevil
lawgrad91 wrote:Victim: "Defendant called me a snitch!"
Defendant: "I didn't call him a SNITCH, I called him a BITCH!"
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
One more for that book you're writing!
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 23rd, 2016, 12:27 pm
by CathyCA
Heard during felony assault trial:
Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"
Defendant: "A wife-beater."
Court reporter visibly chuckles.
(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 23rd, 2016, 12:39 pm
by lawgrad91
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 23rd, 2016, 1:46 pm
by Ima Facultiwyfe
Ohhhh MAN!
Love, Ima
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 23rd, 2016, 2:00 pm
by DukePA
CathyCA wrote:Heard during felony assault trial:
Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"
Defendant: "A wife-beater."
Court reporter visibly chuckles.
(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Bwahahaha!!! "But I'm innocent, yer honor!"
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 24th, 2016, 9:24 am
by windsor
CathyCA wrote:Heard during felony assault trial:
Attorney (to defendant accused of assaulting his ex): "What were you wearing?"
Defendant: "A wife-beater."
Court reporter visibly chuckles.
(True story. The court reporter here is my cousin.)
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Because nothing says "i take my court appearance seriously' like wearing a 'beater'.
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 25th, 2016, 2:29 pm
by lawgrad91
Pro tip: when you are in court to support a defendant, it isn't good practice, unless you like being in the cell with said defendant, to call the Commonwealth's witness a "snitching a**hole." In open court. Loud enough for the prosecutor to hear it clearly and the bailiff to point out the transgressor.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Re: You can't make this stuff up!
Posted: August 25th, 2016, 3:55 pm
by DukePA
lawgrad91 wrote:Pro tip: when you are in court to support a defendant, it isn't good practice, unless you like being in the cell with said defendant, to call the Commonwealth's witness a "snitching a**hole." In open court. Loud enough for the prosecutor to hear it clearly and the bailiff to point out the transgressor.
![9F :9f:](./images/smilies/devil9f.gif)
Ooooooh!!! Someone is lucky he, or she, did not to get bitch slapped!!!