A Peek Inside Job Searching These Days

[EarlJam]

Been kind of a downer today. I promise I'm not jaded! But I had to just pen this quick, short e-mail to a friend to get it off my chest. It is a fictional interview with ALL details based on stuff I have experienced during my search....

Hiring Manager (HM): "Well Earl, it certainly was a pleasure meeting with and talking to you today. Your resume is quite impressive. We are looking to bring someone on board in the next month or six. Based on our discussion today, I would love to have you in for round two of this five-part hiring process.

Earl (E): That's fantastic! And I must agree, after speaking with you, I feel your company's needs and my experience are a perfect match. I would welcome the opportunity to learn more and to become a part of your dynamic team!

HM: That's great Earl! What we'd like to do is bring you and the other 1,234 candidates in to talk to the managing director and to our specialist of operations. That would be step two. Based on these meetings, we will "pre-select" the final 500 candidates. Using the latest, most innovative and state-of-art technology, we will, if you make the "pre-select" list, have you complete two on-line personal profile tests. These tests are designed to help us best determine who is and who is NOT cut out for the job. This is step three. If we like what we see by these tests, you will make it to step four. In step four, we "re-org" the list down to the final 100 candidates. These candidates will be sent to our top-level secret training center in Camden, NJ for a series of "field test" and intense, but fair, one-on-one interviews with our company's strongest leaders. You will have to pay for the expenses for this trip........and for the training. No worries though, should you get the position, we will re-imburse you fully! Get past level four and you will make it to the fifth and final step! At this point, we will have "re-bracketized" the list down to the final 15. Make it this far and you should be very proud! Step five involves having all 15 finalists complete a two-month "internship" with the company. During this time, you and the others will be evaluated on 37 areas of expertise and productivity. We will pay you a healthy stipend of $25 dollars a week for your internship!

E: Seems a bit excessive, but I fully understand and am up to the task!

HM: Well, computers and statistics have proven that this detail-oriented, high-tech approach really takes needless emotion, gut feelings and old-fashioned communication out of the equation. It's the best way to ensure we get the very best employees and you get the best experience for the job! All in all, the process will take three to four months.

E: Well, again, thanks. I'm looking forward to it. At the end of this process, I feel confident I too will be behind that counter; and I will be one of the best cashiers Burger King has ever hired! Thank you so much for your time today.
!
HM: Your welcome Earl.

Footnote: Four months to the day, Earl was notified that he finished third in the evaluation process. As Burger King was only hiring two cashiers, this means he came up just short. Earl currently resides in the Robert H. Dickens Mental Health Center in upstate New York. Details surrounding the exact nature of his "illness" remain unknown.

Footnote II: In NO way am I downing a job at Burger King. I'm dowing the process. I work a part time job for a bookstore for nearly minimum wage aand am grateful for it! We get 15-20 applicants a day from people aged 16-60

[CathyCA]

I like your new signature.

Have you ever thought about writing a book about your experiences? You already have your first chapter or short story here.

[CameronBornAndBred]

I totally agree with Cathy, you need to write a book. Self publish it, make your manager sell it.

[colchar]

Earl currently resides in the Robert H. Dickens Mental Health Center in upstate New York.

By 'currently' don't you mean 'has always'?

Details surrounding the exact nature of his "illness" remain unknown.

No they don't. We all know exactly what is wrong with you ;)

[captmojo]

Vocational Guidance Councelor...Vocational Guidance Councelor...Vocational Guidance Councelor

Other than becoming a writer, which I'd be willing to read, I think you have the personality, the charm and wit, the creativity for a career in sales. I think you'd find sucess with the right product and drive.

As for me...I gave up on ambition many years ago.

[Lavabe]

Academic job searches don't have the same procedures, but are equally complex.

Sorry 'bout the result, but glad you can channel it creatively.