Jokes

[CathyCA]

A lawyer and a businessman were deep-sea fishing, and the lawyer had too much to drink (go figure) and fell overboard. Immediately a school of sharks surfaced and circled the lawyer, and the businessman was sure his friend was doomed. Much to his surprise, the sharks swam into a line, and one swam under the lawyer, picking him up and carrying him to the next shark, and so on until the last shark, with a mighty heave, tossed the attorney back onto the boat.

"What the hell?" said the businessman in astonishment. "I thought you were dead!"

Before the attorney could say a word, the boat captain nodded and said, "Yep, professional courtesy."


Since my esteemed colleague has declared a moratorium on lawyer jokes, I will show professional courtesy and stay off this thread until I hear something funny that doesn't involve our storied profession.

I heard a similar joke involving a minister, a doctor and a lawyer in a boat that was sinking and it was surrounded by sharks. But I promised no more lawyer jokes. Yours reminded me of that. But I won't tell it here. ;)

It's okay if a lawyer tells a lawyer joke. But a doc telling a lawyer joke. . . that's intimidating.

[devildeac]

A lawyer and a businessman were deep-sea fishing, and the lawyer had too much to drink (go figure) and fell overboard. Immediately a school of sharks surfaced and circled the lawyer, and the businessman was sure his friend was doomed. Much to his surprise, the sharks swam into a line, and one swam under the lawyer, picking him up and carrying him to the next shark, and so on until the last shark, with a mighty heave, tossed the attorney back onto the boat.

"What the hell?" said the businessman in astonishment. "I thought you were dead!"

Before the attorney could say a word, the boat captain nodded and said, "Yep, professional courtesy."


Since my esteemed colleague has declared a moratorium on lawyer jokes, I will show professional courtesy and stay off this thread until I hear something funny that doesn't involve our storied profession.

I heard a similar joke involving a minister, a doctor and a lawyer in a boat that was sinking and it was surrounded by sharks. But I promised no more lawyer jokes. Yours reminded me of that. But I won't tell it here. ;)

It's okay if a lawyer tells a lawyer joke. But a doc telling a lawyer joke. . . that's intimidating.

They're supposed to me amusing ;) .

How about some engineer jokes instead?

[CameronBornAndBred]

How about some engineer jokes instead?

I've looked for some, but apparently engineers aren't funny.

[devildeac]

How about some engineer jokes instead?

I've looked for some, but apparently engineers aren't funny.

[Miles]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

[lawgrad91]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

[devildeac]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

And CB%B thought there were no engineer jokes out there.




Know any good doctor jokes?

[Miles]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

And CB%B thought there were no engineer jokes out there.




Know any good doctor jokes?

No. Only jokes about bad doctors. ;-)

[CameronBornAndBred]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.


Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behaviour,
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

[cl15876]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.


Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behaviour,
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

I can definitely relate! We ALL make mistakes and they happen, but good thing the parrot got a clue, a 2nd chance and recognized a good thing when it had it! Great way to wrap up the week! Now I am hungry!

[cl15876]

How about some engineer jokes instead?

I've looked for some, but apparently engineers aren't funny.

Hey now!

[cl15876]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

I love it!

[cl15876]

"quote="lawgrad91""A lawyer and a businessman were deep-sea fishing, and the lawyer had too much to drink (go figure) and fell overboard. Immediately a school of sharks surfaced and circled the lawyer, and the businessman was sure his friend was doomed. Much to his surprise, the sharks swam into a line, and one swam under the lawyer, picking him up and carrying him to the next shark, and so on until the last shark, with a mighty heave, tossed the attorney back onto the boat.

"What the hell?" said the businessman in astonishment. "I thought you were dead!"

Before the attorney could say a word, the boat captain nodded and said, "Yep, professional courtesy."


Since my esteemed colleague has declared a moratorium on lawyer jokes, I will show professional courtesy and stay off this thread until I hear something funny that doesn't involve our storied profession. "/quote"
I heard a similar joke involving a minister, a doctor and a lawyer in a boat that was sinking and it was surrounded by sharks. But I promised no more lawyer jokes. Yours reminded me of that. But I won't tell it here. ;)

It's okay if a lawyer tells a lawyer joke. But a doc telling a lawyer joke. . . that's intimidating.

They're supposed to me amusing ;) .

How about some engineer jokes instead?

Well... glad to see Iam not the only one that has dug himself into a hole....

[cl15876]

OK, no more lawyer jokes.

May I remove my FB helmet now?

I wouldn't if I were you and I'd do a lot of praying! As I mistakenly hit the wrong button, I am reverse engineering this joke thread (due to my absence) and I suspect that the sharks still have razor sharp instruments! Ever hear of Lorena Bobbit? Not a pretty picture! ;)

[devildeac]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.


Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behaviour,
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

[knights68]

An oldie but a goodie:

Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building.

One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.."

The other man says "you're jokin, aren't u?"

The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window..

The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth"

The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death.

The barman says to the first man.. "You know Superman, you're a dick when you're drunk!"

[CameronBornAndBred]

The barman says to the first man.. "You know Superman, you're a dick when you're drunk!"

New one to me.

[knights68]

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

[CameronBornAndBred]

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

[OZZIE4DUKE]

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"