Moderator: CameronBornAndBred
devildeac wrote: What I told you was that you have a heart murmur and need to be careful.
devildeac wrote:Last week, I saw one of my 90 year old patients out at a local restaurant with a stunning 30-something brunette. When she went to the ladies room, I had the chance to speak to him and complimented him on his choice of women but also asked him what the heck he was doing. He replied, "I'm just taking your advice, Doc."
I asked, "what do you mean 'taking my advice'?"
He replied, "remember the last time I was in your office you told me about a hot mama and being cheerful? Well, I am just following doctor's orders."
After pausing a moment to recall my prior conversation with him, I replied, "Mr. Smith, I am afraid you need to have your hearing aids checked or adjusted. What I told you was that you have a heart murmur and need to be careful.
DukieInKansas wrote:
That's it - just their season. It makes me chuckle!
Excellent!devildeac wrote:A city guy decides he has had it with city life, and so when his great uncle dies and wills this guy a farm, the city dude sees this as the perfect opportunity to take up farming. So he visits the farm located in Connecticut and stops by the local FRIENDLY FARM & GARDEN SUPPLY store…
Now this city dude tells the clerk his predicament. He has inherited a farm and would like to make a go of it; however, he admits to knowing “nutt’n” concerning farming.
And so he humbly asks the clerk’s advice --- what would he suggest. The clerk tells the dude that the market for chickens is very good and so he advises the man to buy a hundred baby chicks to get the farm up and running.
A week later the city dude returns to this store and asks to buy another hundred baby chicks. Of course the clerk thinks nothing about this and imagines that the city dude is doing well for himself…
Another few weeks pass, and the dude is back at the dealers for another hundred baby chicks. The clerk of course begs to ask if anything is wrong…
“You’ve been back here twice and keep buying one hundred baby chicks!” To which the city dude’s response was, “I think I know where I'm going wrong" he told the dealer, "I think I'm planting them too deep or not far enough apart."
Go To Hell carolina! Go To Hell! karowina going:EarlJam wrote:"We can still make the NCAA tournament guys! Let's go!"
-EarlJam
devildeac wrote:Dumb as a fox
A young boy entered a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
I like this one! This one is familiar!devildeac wrote:Speaking of games
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
devildeac wrote:An oldie but goodie:
A police officer saw a little boy crying near East Campus.
“What’s the matter little boy. Do you want me to take you to your mama?”
“No,” sobbed the boy, “my mama beats me.”
“Well how about your daddy?” the officer persisted.
“No,” the boy said, “he beats me too.”
A new one for me.
“Well,” the officer said, “I can’t leave you out here by yourself, I have to take you somewhere.”
“Then take me over to Chapel Hill,” the boy said, “they don’t beat anybody.”
Heard this many a time, most recently on one of the Main Page features of DBR.
devildeac wrote: went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............
