Jokes

[DukieInKansas]

A man in northern Michigan woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked in the Yellow Pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for "Up North Bear Removers." He called the number listed and the bear remover said he'd be over within an hour.

The bear remover arrived, and got out of his van. He had a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge shotgun, and a mean looking, heavily scarred old pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asked.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then handed the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" the homeowner asked.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."

No wonder IMA had heard it before.

[CameronBornAndBred]

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

[devildeac]

A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.

One asked, "Do you know this guy?"

The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."

The next day, the dead bell ringer's twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below.

The same two guys walk by.

The first asks, "Do you know him?"

The second guy responds, "No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy we saw yesterday."

[CathyCA]

[DukieInKansas]

Everytime I hear this joke, I vaguely recall that there was a third ringer but I have been unsuccessful in any attempts to find the punch line for it.

[devildeac]

Everytime I hear this joke, I vaguely recall that there was a third ringer but I have been unsuccessful in any attempts to find the punch line for it.

I've heard the joke and read it on line but have never heard about a 3rd ringer.

[DukieInKansas]

Everytime I hear this joke, I vaguely recall that there was a third ringer but I have been unsuccessful in any attempts to find the punch line for it.

I've heard the joke and read it on line but have never heard about a 3rd ringer.

I could be imagining it but I keep looking.

[devildeac]

A gentleman visits a urologist after a serious auto accident and significant trauma to his penis and this is the conversation that transpired:

Man: Well, can it be repaired?

Urologist: Yes, and at the same time, we can make any additional, umm, modifications you'd like, including shorter and/or thinner, or longer and/or thicker. That would incur additional costs, of course.

Man: Well, I'm not sure.

Urologist: No need to decide today. Go home and talk about it with your wife and let me know.


One week later, the man returns.


Urologist: Well, what'd you decide?

Man: We're getting granite counter tops.

[CathyCA]

A gentleman visits a urologist after a serious auto accident and significant trauma to his penis and this is the conversation that transpired:

Man: Well, can it be repaired?

Urologist: Yes, and at the same time, we can make any additional, umm, modifications you'd like, including shorter and/or thinner, or longer and/or thicker. That would incur additional costs, of course.

Man: Well, I'm not sure.

Urologist: No need to decide today. Go home and talk about it with your wife and let me know.


One week later, the man returns.


Urologist: Well, what'd you decide?

Man: We're getting granite counter tops.

I love this! I'm going to share it.

[mattman91]

An old bull and a young bull stand on a hillside, overlooking a pasture. The young bull says to the old bull, “Hey, let’s run down and fuck one of those heifers.” The old bull replies, “let’s walk down and fuck ’em all.”

[DukieInKansas]

An old bull and a young bull stand on a hillside, overlooking a pasture. The young bull says to the old bull, “Hey, let’s run down and fuck one of those heifers.” The old bull replies, “let’s walk down and fuck ’em all.”

With age comes wisdom!

[OZZIE4DUKE]

An old bull and a young bull stand on a hillside, overlooking a pasture. The young bull says to the old bull, “Hey, let’s run down and fuck one of those heifers.” The old bull replies, “let’s walk down and fuck ’em all.”

I dare you to post this joke OY (Over Yonder if you're a newbie). I double dare you!

[devildeac]

An old bull and a young bull stand on a hillside, overlooking a pasture. The young bull says to the old bull, “Hey, let’s run down and fuck one of those heifers.” The old bull replies, “let’s walk down and fuck ’em all.”

I dare you to post this joke OY (Over Yonder if you're a newbie). I double dare you!

What a wanker...

[mattman91]

Wow...no wanker filter here.


Me likes.

[YmoBeThere]

Please, just not wanker pics.

[lawgrad91]

Not a joke, but the Rev. LG was in the men's room this morning (in Edinburgh) when a kilt-clad man walked in.

The answer is nothing.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Not a joke, but the Rev. LG was in the men's room this morning (in Edinburgh) when a kilt-clad man walked in.

The answer is nothing.

Did he look, or ask?

No HB2 over there I guess!

[CathyCA]

A bank robber pulled out a gun, pointed it at the teller, and said:

“Give me all the money or you’re geography!”

The puzzled teller replied:

“Did you mean to say, ‘or you’re history?'”

The robber said:

“Don’t change the subject!”

[CameronBornAndBred]

A bank robber pulled out a gun, pointed it at the teller, and said:

“Give me all the money or you’re geography!”

The puzzled teller replied:

“Did you mean to say, ‘or you’re history?'”

The robber said:

“Don’t change the subject!”

[OZZIE4DUKE]

That's so bad it's funny.