
At the back door of our house, is an open vestibule type entry off a deck. On a side of the entry, hanging from the overhang, is a birdhouse which presently contains 3 baby wrens. (this will take a while...bear with me)
Last night, we had an unwanted visitor, a HUNGRY visitor. Visitor is otherwise known to animal lovers as: Mr. Squiggly; Serpent Bastard; Fast Son-of-a-Bitch; 6 Foot Black Snake. He/She?, I didn't ask, was intent on a poultry light-night dinner. The aforementioned squab. It's first appearance was right after dark, nine-ish. I stepped out back for a bit of air. There it was. A stick handy, I shoo-ed it away. Twenty minutes later, it's baaack. Still hungry. Again I sent it away.
The family, having been notified, was relaxed until the First Mate decided it would be cool to check it out. As she opened the door, Squiggly fell on her head and shoulders and then proceeded to crawl in though onto the back porch as it landed on the floor. He found an opening in the wall, behind the water heater and thought that would be a cool place to hang out. We used a wire to try and reach around to entice it to move out. This proved successful after about 20 minutes...successful to a point only of having it curl under the heater. No complaints. This put our removal efforts at an advantage.
With the wire coat-hanger now re-adjusted to hook the beast and try a sliding out maneuver, the Mate was wearing the gloves, said serpent was pulled out in the open. I had one of these useless trigger squeeze grabber thingies and vainly attempted to secure the animal. It's escape efforts found it crawling away between tha washer and dryer. The Mate, again the one with the gloves on, grabbed Squiggles by the tail and forcefully pulled it out of it's escape route. Stepping gingerly and backward out the door, onto the deck, the critter was dumped into a large black plastic trash bag and the top was quickly tied shut.
I drove five miles away, out in the country, not near other homes, and deposited it in the weeds, free and able to roam.
I performed like a scared little rabbit.

I had been drinking.
It was dark.
It was late.
I have a cold.
She was wearing the gloves.
Did I mention I had been drinking?