Reflections on the Loss of a Father

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devildeac
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Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by devildeac » June 21st, 2009, 10:31 pm

I have been contemplating this for several weeks now and today is as good a day as any to attempt conveying some thoughts I have had over the last 2-3 months. Hopefully the spelling will be mostly correct and the grammar and syntax acceptable to most readers.

As many of you know, my Dad died nearly 3 months and a significant number of posters were kind, generous and thoughtful enough to send (or paint pictures of) flowers, post, visit and comfort us in multiple ways during this sad time. All prayers and well wishes have been deeply appreciated. During Dad's funeral service, one of our pastors spoke of the seasons of life and how there was a time for everything. He even looked directly at us when he mentioned there was a time to dance. :D In my tribute to Dad, I considered the seasons of my life and the effects he had on them.

The first was my childhood. Dad instilled the ethic of hard work in us as he spent many hours, days, weeks and months working to provide financial support for his family. We rarely went without necessities but we had very few extras. There are no regrets or thoughts however about any "absent father." He was an extremely devoted father. Discipline was certainly in his teaching, too. I think all my physical proof has disappeared, but "spare the rod and spoil the child" was not part of my childhood. I think all the switches were used up on me as I swear, the Smothers Brothers routine of "Mom always liked you best," seemed to apply in our household. (jk) We did have the introduction to attending church during this time but it was certainly not the center of our childhood or family. Education was a very high priority and this continued into our young adulthood.

The emphasis on education continued, many times to the detriment of athletic endeavors. Dad continued to be devoted and supportive of friends (well, not ALL of them :oops: ), and eventually, our wives, homes, children and our undertakings. His marriage of nearly 56 years was a living example of devotion, even though, on a rare occasion, he was known to say, "you know, your Mother can be a difficult woman to live with." :)) He remained faithful to her and us. This is yet another of his "fruits of the Spirit." He was a faithful servant to all of us also in many ways. They moved to Oregon for 12 years and then we had the opportunity to have them with us during their later senior years and our adulthood.

I am honored, thankful and blessed to have seen Dad grow old gracefully, peacefully and with good health and no suffering. He was a kind, caring and thoughtful man who befriended many of our neighbors, friends and other family members. In fact, as a former neighbor said as she spoke to us at the viewing, that she was so surprised to see him in the casket but she really wanted to go back, tap him on the shoulder and be sure he didn't want to have just one more brat and a beer. :D His retirement was not very enjoyable for several years as Mom's health failed and he provided many hours of care to her. He did find a lady friend after grieving for 12-18 months and he rarely had unkind words after Mom's death. He was somewhat humorous and developed a very generous streak in his senior years. And this was from a man who could make Abe Lincoln cry as he held on to the last cent or two from his paycheck every week. He conveyed his love for family and this was reciprocated many times during special occasions and has continued after his death.

A bit of advice for readers here, both young and old(er). Spend some time with an aging parent or relative and learn their stories and their past. During the several months before Dad died, I had the opportunities to hear about his in-laws who emigrated from Russia around 1900 and the life they had as foreigners here. I also had the amazing chance to listen to him talk about the Great Depression from a child's and a young adult's perspective. Fascinating stuff. Take them out to a meal or, even better, get a BOGO coupon and get them to take you out to a meal ask them a few questions and then sit back and listen intently to their tales.

I hope I have learned from all this and obeyed my Mother and my Father and that Dad could look at me now, or in my senior years, and say, "well done my good and faithful servant/son in whom I am well-pleased."

This was both a rather sad yet happy day. I got to spend some wonderful time with wife, my two daughters and talk for a while with my sister-in-law, my brother and my son. We found time to dance and do some house/yardwork. We found time to cry and laugh. We also though a lot about Dad and how much he meant to all of us. We miss him greatly but the memories, stories, examples and teachings will last a lifetime, both for us and for our children. I hope this post will help other children and parents out there appreciate and understand the same. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by CathyCA » June 21st, 2009, 10:43 pm

God bless Mr. Emery. He was fortunate to have you as his son.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by CameronBornAndBred » June 22nd, 2009, 2:06 am

Thanks very much for sharing both your experiences and your advice DD. A really nice read and a great way to close a wonderful father's day.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by TillyGalore » June 22nd, 2009, 6:53 am

Devildeac, thank you for sharing your memories and lessons you've learned from your father.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by bjornolf » June 22nd, 2009, 12:47 pm

Beautiful tribute to your dad. We can all learn something from it.

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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by devildeac » June 22nd, 2009, 1:10 pm

CathyCA wrote:God bless Mr. Emery. He was fortunate to have you as his son.
Thank you kindly, but, in all seriousness, honesty and humility, I am actually the fortunate one.
[redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by DukePA » June 22nd, 2009, 3:36 pm

Thanks, DD. That was a beautiful tribute to your dad. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by cl15876 » June 22nd, 2009, 7:27 pm

DD, I have to also say that your reflection REALLY touched ME and I hope that I can leave a fraction of the legacy to my loved ones and those I've touched and encountered as your Dad did with you and several others! I have to say, being a pretty good judge of character, you are numero UNO and are an example that I admire and aspire to be like! :-bd ^:)^ ^:)^ :-bd (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by captmojo » June 22nd, 2009, 8:41 pm

I am moved by your writing. Sounded like a really good man. I feel you well expressed your better position in life for having been close to him.
We should all take time to better know our parents. I've learned a great deal from mine but I would trade everything I know to have a chance to re-learn them all again, though it's too late to do that now on this plane. I lost Dad back in '95. I refer to him every day, still. It's a "What would Pop do" kind of thing. Mom's now 88. My brother passed in '01, leaving only her and me from our immediate family.
Know one knows the exact time of anyone's passing. My father-in-law has been hospitalized 4 times with hospital authorities calling in the family for finality. He has survived them all. Take time to really know them before they're gone. You will be glad you did.
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by ILoveJimmy » June 22nd, 2009, 11:02 pm

Dear DevilDeac,
What a beautiful tribute to your Father, written with such heartfelt sincerity and love. He was a man we all knew well and loved. Seeing him through your eyes in your tribute only magnifies the good qualities I already knew him to have and makes me wish I talked to him more these last few years. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings with all of us. It gave me joy, caused a few tears, and made me think even more about spending every moment I can with my parents. I'm so glad I logged onto Crazie Talk tonight and found your post.
Love,
ILJ
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by Ima Facultiwyfe » June 23rd, 2009, 1:08 pm

Hi DD,

I've been eyeing your post for several days, but haven't had time to sit down and read it through. Just did. Thank you for it. Being the caring person we all know you to be, I'm sure you let him know how you felt many times throughout the years. I hope your post reminded all readers who still have that opportunity to take advantage of it.

I had a father who had great difficulty giving hugs and showing emotion. He would pop me on the fanny on his way by and tease me in a good natured way, but just never got mushy. As he aged, I decided that while I had the chance I should somehow let him know I was aware of his unspoken devotion somehow. So, I bought a copy of the children's book "Guess How Much I Love You" for him and wrote in the front "I know how much you love me." It brought him to tears, so I guess it made a difference. At least I felt better.

So glad your Fathers' Day was a good one.
Love, Ima
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Re: Reflections on the Loss of a Father

Post by knights68 » June 24th, 2009, 8:35 am

devildeac wrote:I have been contemplating this for several weeks now and today is as good a day as any to attempt conveying some thoughts I have had over the last 2-3 months. Hopefully the spelling will be mostly correct and the grammar and syntax acceptable to most readers.

As many of you know, my Dad died nearly 3 months and a significant number of posters were kind, generous and thoughtful enough to send (or paint pictures of) flowers, post, visit and comfort us in multiple ways during this sad time. All prayers and well wishes have been deeply appreciated. During Dad's funeral service, one of our pastors spoke of the seasons of life and how there was a time for everything. He even looked directly at us when he mentioned there was a time to dance. :D In my tribute to Dad, I considered the seasons of my life and the effects he had on them.

The first was my childhood. Dad instilled the ethic of hard work in us as he spent many hours, days, weeks and months working to provide financial support for his family. We rarely went without necessities but we had very few extras. There are no regrets or thoughts however about any "absent father." He was an extremely devoted father. Discipline was certainly in his teaching, too. I think all my physical proof has disappeared, but "spare the rod and spoil the child" was not part of my childhood. I think all the switches were used up on me as I swear, the Smothers Brothers routine of "Mom always liked you best," seemed to apply in our household. (jk) We did have the introduction to attending church during this time but it was certainly not the center of our childhood or family. Education was a very high priority and this continued into our young adulthood.

The emphasis on education continued, many times to the detriment of athletic endeavors. Dad continued to be devoted and supportive of friends (well, not ALL of them :oops: ), and eventually, our wives, homes, children and our undertakings. His marriage of nearly 56 years was a living example of devotion, even though, on a rare occasion, he was known to say, "you know, your Mother can be a difficult woman to live with." :)) He remained faithful to her and us. This is yet another of his "fruits of the Spirit." He was a faithful servant to all of us also in many ways. They moved to Oregon for 12 years and then we had the opportunity to have them with us during their later senior years and our adulthood.

I am honored, thankful and blessed to have seen Dad grow old gracefully, peacefully and with good health and no suffering. He was a kind, caring and thoughtful man who befriended many of our neighbors, friends and other family members. In fact, as a former neighbor said as she spoke to us at the viewing, that she was so surprised to see him in the casket but she really wanted to go back, tap him on the shoulder and be sure he didn't want to have just one more brat and a beer. :D His retirement was not very enjoyable for several years as Mom's health failed and he provided many hours of care to her. He did find a lady friend after grieving for 12-18 months and he rarely had unkind words after Mom's death. He was somewhat humorous and developed a very generous streak in his senior years. And this was from a man who could make Abe Lincoln cry as he held on to the last cent or two from his paycheck every week. He conveyed his love for family and this was reciprocated many times during special occasions and has continued after his death.

A bit of advice for readers here, both young and old(er). Spend some time with an aging parent or relative and learn their stories and their past. During the several months before Dad died, I had the opportunities to hear about his in-laws who emigrated from Russia around 1900 and the life they had as foreigners here. I also had the amazing chance to listen to him talk about the Great Depression from a child's and a young adult's perspective. Fascinating stuff. Take them out to a meal or, even better, get a BOGO coupon and get them to take you out to a meal ask them a few questions and then sit back and listen intently to their tales.

I hope I have learned from all this and obeyed my Mother and my Father and that Dad could look at me now, or in my senior years, and say, "well done my good and faithful servant/son in whom I am well-pleased."

This was both a rather sad yet happy day. I got to spend some wonderful time with wife, my two daughters and talk for a while with my sister-in-law, my brother and my son. We found time to dance and do some house/yardwork. We found time to cry and laugh. We also though a lot about Dad and how much he meant to all of us. We miss him greatly but the memories, stories, examples and teachings will last a lifetime, both for us and for our children. I hope this post will help other children and parents out there appreciate and understand the same. Thanks for reading.
Sorry I am so late to the party (again).
Your words, golden!!! Thanks for sharing such insight, such feeling and emotion towards your pops. What more can anyone add?
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