OZZIE4DUKE wrote: ↑September 22nd, 2020, 11:42 amD16A3DD4-FC8F-46D9-8DE5-68ECB0225F82.jpeg
Time for a laugh!
Jokes
Moderator: CameronBornAndBred
Re: Jokes
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
- CameronBornAndBred
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Re: Jokes
It was the drink that killed him.CameronBornAndBred wrote: ↑October 23rd, 2020, 8:49 amI remember my grandfather's last words. "A truck!"
He was an alcoholic?
No, he was hit by a Guinness truck.
(cue another thread)
- OZZIE4DUKE
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Re: Jokes
A little golf humor:
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked! He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood." The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked! He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood." The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
Your paradigm of optimism
Go To Hell carolina! Go To Hell!
9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F!
http://ecogreen.greentechaffiliate.com
Go To Hell carolina! Go To Hell!
9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F! 9F!
http://ecogreen.greentechaffiliate.com
Re: Jokes
Mushroom walks in to a bar.
Bartender says, “Sorry, fella, we don’t serve your kind here.”
Mushroom: “Hey, why not? I’m just a fun guy.”
Bartender says, “Sorry, fella, we don’t serve your kind here.”
Mushroom: “Hey, why not? I’m just a fun guy.”
Re: Jokes
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
- CameronBornAndBred
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Re: Jokes
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
Re: Jokes
How do you get a Tarheel off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Pay him for the pizza.
- devildeac
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Re: Jokes
Today, if a ghost is wearing a large, white, cotton polyester covering typically found on a mattress, what do you call that?
[redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.
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Re: Jokes
Nice!
A friend told me last night that when she was in college, she put on a turquoise dress and taped tampons all over it.
She was going as Picasso’s Blue Period.
(not sure I should pass that along, certainly won’t OY).
Last edited by OPK on October 31st, 2020, 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.