crazietalk.net

Another strong favorite: Manager of the local Family Dollar sees a woman milling around the store for an hour. Thinks she might be suspicious. Goes over to her in the school supply aisle, and the following conversation ensues:

Manager: Ma'am, what are you doing?
Woman: I'm stealing these pens!

She did, in fact, steal the pens.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

August 27th, 2021, 4:11 pm

A veritable cornucopia of lunatics in the courtroom this afternoon, including the lady with the derringer in her bra. She was actually more sane than some of the others.

I had already texted the office manager that the gallery was crazier than s***house rats BEFORE the victim who had already been found in contempt told the Judge, "don't bring me out of lockup again 'less you got a reason."

My other personal favorite:

Deputy: Ma'am, you were going 56 in the posted 35 zone.
Defendant: It's my dog's fault.

You need to host a TV show

In juvenile court this morning. Judge drug tested a woman prior to figuring out placement for her son.

She failed for painkillers. She began waving papers at the judge, saying, "Judge, I went to the hospital Friday night for chest pain and they gave (Oxycodone) to me. Said I had a hyena hernia."

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

August 31st, 2021, 1:38 pm

In juvenile court this morning. Judge drug tested a woman prior to figuring out placement for her son.

She failed for painkillers. She began waving papers at the judge, saying, "Judge, I went to the hospital Friday night for chest pain and they gave (Oxycodone) to me. Said I had a hyena hernia."

That's no laughing matter!

I thought I had a tough Monday until I saw a call yesterday in our dispatch system: A man prepping for a colonoscopy drank his Miralax and took his Dulcolax only to find that he was allergic to something he had taken. So not only did he have the typical pre-colonoscopy issue, he also broke out in hives and had to go to the hospital for the allergic reaction.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

September 28th, 2021, 1:20 pm

I thought I had a tough Monday until I saw a call yesterday in our dispatch system: A man prepping for a colonoscopy drank his Miralax and took his Dulcolax only to find that he was allergic to something he had taken. So not only did he have the typical pre-colonoscopy issue, he also broke out in hives and had to go to the hospital for the allergic reaction.

Awkward.

Only in Henry County....

A woman called 911 and said her boyfriend strangled and hit her. She has marks on her face and bruises on her neck. Virginia is a mandatory arrest state on domestic assault, so the deputy told the boyfriend, "you're under arrest." Boyfriend asked if he can call his mama to get his car, and deputy said yes. While walking to the deputy's vehicle, boyfriend threw down his phone and ran, jumping a barbed wire fence. He has a good headstart on the deputy, but he didn't reckon on...

THE GOAT. (No, not Coach K. A real, honest to God goat.) The goat chased him through a brier patch and pinned him against the barbed wire fence on the other side of the field, holding him there until the deputy could catch up.

Best part is, the deputy has bodycam, so it's in glorious Technicolor.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

November 3rd, 2019, 7:29 pm

The Rev. LG’s former church lists events happening during the week on FB. They don’t proofread. (They don’t do a lot of anything, except be assholes to anyone not in their circle. Fired the old secretary by text less than two hours after he left.) Apparently the new secretary has some proofreading issues.

Their schedule for the week states that the food PANTY is open from 6-7 on Tuesday.

I have to admit I turned into an eight year old for about an hour. AB89F874-A85B-4F0A-BEC3-76D29C6B3594.jpeg

They are at it again. Having a “bizarre” the weekend of March 11.

If you've ever released a witness from subpoena so he could pick up his teeth, you might be a lawyer in redneck country.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

May 31st, 2022, 3:19 pm

If you've ever released a witness from subpoena so he could pick up his teeth, you might be a lawyer in redneck country.

"You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth."

— Jeff Foxworthy

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

May 31st, 2022, 3:19 pm

If you've ever released a witness from subpoena so he could pick up his teeth, you might be a lawyer in redneck country.

No, but a friend of mine’s first divorce case didn’t settle because the parties could not agree on who got the Elvis collector plates.

OPK wrote: ↑

June 1st, 2022, 3:22 pm

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

May 31st, 2022, 3:19 pm

If you've ever released a witness from subpoena so he could pick up his teeth, you might be a lawyer in redneck country.

No, but a friend of mine’s first divorce case didn’t settle because the parties could not agree on who got the Elvis collector plates.

Not making fun of my Mama, but had to share….

(Backstory: Mom is 91. She insists that we do the crossword on the phone every night.)

Mom: Six letters. Host of “Drag Race.”
Me: RuPaul.
Mom: What?
Me: RuPaul. R U P A U L.
Mom: Oh. So he announces the races, like NASCAR on TV?
Me: Ummmmm….not exactly.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

June 14th, 2022, 11:08 pm

Not making fun of my Mama, but had to share….

(Backstory: Mom is 91. She insists that we do the crossword on the phone every night.)

Mom: Six letters. Host of “Drag Race.”
Me: RuPaul.
Mom: What?
Me: RuPaul. R U P A U L.
Mom: Oh. So he announces the races, like NASCAR on TV?
Me: Ummmmm….not exactly.

I love it, but honestly, the best part of this story is the fact that you do the crossword every night on the phone with you 91-year-old mom. That's awesome.

Oh, and I wouldn't have know that answer, either.

Phredd3 wrote: ↑

June 15th, 2022, 8:53 am

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

June 14th, 2022, 11:08 pm

Not making fun of my Mama, but had to share….

(Backstory: Mom is 91. She insists that we do the crossword on the phone every night.)

Mom: Six letters. Host of “Drag Race.”
Me: RuPaul.
Mom: What?
Me: RuPaul. R U P A U L.
Mom: Oh. So he announces the races, like NASCAR on TV?
Me: Ummmmm….not exactly.

I love it, but honestly, the best part of this story is the fact that you do the crossword every night on the phone with you 91-year-old mom. That's awesome.

Oh, and I wouldn't have know that answer, either.

Mom is awesome. If her body could be as strong as her mind, she'd live to be 120. And we do whatever crossword is in the Pilot every night. She reads the clues and writes down the answer, and sometimes we argue over it. It annoyed me at first, and then it hit me what a gift I have been given.

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

June 15th, 2022, 9:24 am

Phredd3 wrote: ↑

June 15th, 2022, 8:53 am

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

June 14th, 2022, 11:08 pm

Not making fun of my Mama, but had to share….

(Backstory: Mom is 91. She insists that we do the crossword on the phone every night.)

Mom: Six letters. Host of “Drag Race.”
Me: RuPaul.
Mom: What?
Me: RuPaul. R U P A U L.
Mom: Oh. So he announces the races, like NASCAR on TV?
Me: Ummmmm….not exactly.

I love it, but honestly, the best part of this story is the fact that you do the crossword every night on the phone with you 91-year-old mom. That's awesome.

Oh, and I wouldn't have know that answer, either.

Mom is awesome. If her body could be as strong as her mind, she'd live to be 120. And we do whatever crossword is in the Pilot every night. She reads the clues and writes down the answer, and sometimes we argue over it. It annoyed me at first, and then it hit me what a gift I have been given.

I agree; that's great. Mrs. dd's mom is 92 now and has great difficulty understanding and responding to spoken words, let alone reading something and understanding/responding to it. The "rewards" of advanced aging. Sigh.

Traffic court judge: Sir, you are charged with driving a vehicle with farm use tags, outside of restrictions. Do you have a farm?
Defendant: Well, your Honor, I have four grandkids and they raise a little bit of Cain.

A non law related idiocy….https://www.golfdigest.com/story/virgin ... ce-dog-ban

Glad to know that doctor dictation is as successful as Siri's (looking at you, DD!)

Reading a medical report from the ER and came across this: "At this point patient is alert enough and has been watched in the emergency department without any to Cherry a shin in her mental status she will be discharged back to the jail...."

I think it's supposed to be "deterioration."

lawgrad91 wrote: ↑

September 26th, 2022, 11:51 am

Glad to know that doctor dictation is as successful as Siri's (looking at you, DD!)

Reading a medical report from the ER and came across this: "At this point patient is alert enough and has been watched in the emergency department without any to Cherry a shin in her mental status she will be discharged back to the jail...."

I think it's supposed to be "deterioration."

Yea, voice recognition systems have their issues but proof-reading could certainly be better. It's a damn shame that every medical note now has to include the disclaimer "punctuation, grammar and spelling errors may be present but do not reflect on the quality of medical care" or something like that. When you turn physicians into damn typists, unit secretaries and medical assistants and force documentation of almost every damn movement we make, you get 10-15 page office/ER visit notes that contain about 1-2 pages of valuable information.

This anger is NOT directed at lawgrad but at the EHR/health insurance industry.